Proxemics and cross-cultural communication

Smile carries a lot of meaning across cultures. When working in China, I’ve learned that smiling is a sign of nervousness which can be misinterpreted by us (Israel, Europe, the US, let’s call it our cultural sphere) as mockery. When there’s a serious matter to discuss and your Chinese business partner is smiling a lot, you might see it as some kind of a mockery and lash out. Well, it’s not. It’s a sign of nervousness and you lashing out is only going to cause your business partner to lose face and, could be, never speak to you again. There’s a chart of directness in cross-cultural communication. From what I remember, Israeli culture is definitely direct, while, no surprise, Asian cultures are the opposite (not always, though, I know Koreans, for example, can be painfully direct). We also like directness in Poland.

Eye contact. It’s not the same everywhere. In Chinese culture, looking someone right in the eyes isn’t exactly polite. In Polish culture, and I’m reasonably certain it’s similar in Israel, looking someone in the eyes is a sign of interest and engagement. It’s a common misconception that liars look away when talking to you. In fact, liars can look you in the eye even more than the norm. The world isn’t a black-and-white place. There are exceptions to exceptions. I don’t get why so many people don’t seem to grasp these truths. If you live in some kind of a bubble, a strict religious community, for example, then, I guess, your worldview differs vastly from mine and your rules can indeed be black-and-white. I’ve seen too much in life to have the luxury of black-and-white thinking. Anyway.

We’re taught here in Poland to look people in the eyes. It’s drilled into us. So, when meeting a Chinese citizen, without cultural awareness, his or her eyes wandering around could be misinterpreted as rudeness. Smiling and eye contact also depend on social status, gender, and much more, of course. Women, in particular, are sometimes told to look away, avert their eyes, and so on. Proxemics is the study of space between individuals. As you know, space signifies status without saying a word. Who steps away on the sidewalk, for example. Who walks confidently and who walks more flirtatiously. A confident handshake versus some kind of Polish hand-kissing of women (ridiculous but what can you do). We often don’t pay attention to these things but they matter and reflect our background. Signal our status. That’s what the Nazis did with their ”sidewalk politics.”

In Poland, we even have our famous memes, ”Smiles in Polish.” Meaning: no smile at all. And it’s true. We rarely smile. Why is that? It likely has to do with our twisted history. If you ask a Pole you know well, ”How are you?” you can get a short ”Americanized” answer or a long one, with all the details you don’t necessarily want to know so be careful when asking, unless you REALLY want to know.

In the Middle East, and you know this better than me, it’s more common for men to smile at each other. For a Pole, it’s just weird when another man smiles at you. Again, cultural awareness.

In the US, a ”Polish smile” would often be seen as suspicious, grumpy, aggressive, just weird. In Poland, someone who smiles a lot is seen as a bit crazy, maybe naive. We started saying have a nice day, miłego dnia, which is an Americanism and some of us complain about US influence (there are more serious problems in the world, right?).

It’s my understanding a similar phrase is popular in Israel/Hebrew.

The creepy Chinese psychic noticed my Polish smiling, too, and she told me she’d cast a spell and turn me into a smiling Amelia. That would indeed be a nightmare, as I’ve no idea how women can stand being told to smile every five minutes by strangers, especially with New Year’s Eve parties around the corner.