Rambam’s Vision for Newlyweds – Year One Counts

On the heels of Tu B’Shevat and the Year of the Marriage which it alludes to is another observance whose concluding section is a Mandate for Newlyweds.

Tonight, the 16^th of the Hebrew month of Shevat is the observance of an event celebrated by thousands of people – it is the start of another cycle of the study of the Mishneh Torah which is considered the magnum opus of the author Rabbi Moses ben Maimon (1135-1204), also known as Maimonides or Rambam. Included in the Mishneh Torah, which is a 14-volume codification of Jewish law, are detailed explanations of positive and negative commandments.

Rambam’s Directive to Newlyweds

Of particular interest to me are two explicit descriptions of the obligations as they apply to newlyweds. In fact, the newlywed advice is woven into the fabric of the two laws which read as follows:

Positive Commandment 214 (Digest)
A Newly Married Groom’s Obligations

“He shall be free to his home for one year, and he shall cheer his wife whom he has taken”—Deuteronomy 24:5.

A newly-married groom, for the first year following his marriage, is commanded to remain together with his wife, and should not embark upon journeys, join the army in battle, or anything of the like. Rather he should rejoice with his wife for a full year.

Negative Commandment 311 (Digest)
Causing a Newly Married Groom to be Absent from his Home

“Neither shall he be charged with any business”—Deuteronomy 24:5.

It is forbidden to conscript a newly-married groom, for the first year following his marriage, for military or civic duties. Rather, he must be absolved from all duties that would cause him to be absent from his home.

This prohibition is directed to those responsible for conscription as well as the groom himself—he may not journey away from his home for an entire year.

Lessons from the Rambam

What the Rambam is pointing out is the extreme lengths that we are obligated to free up a newly married couple to focus on one thing – their relationship first and foremost. Nothing – not a war, not a civic responsibility, nor “the deal of the century” is permitted to take a groom and his bride from their rejoicing in each other’s company.

The one challenge that Rambam’s law is that it does not come with an instruction manual for how the couple can learn to celebrate the positives in their relationship instead of immediately being confronted with the daily challenges of life in a Corona environment.

And this is where marriage education comes as the remedy for helping make this first year of marriage the best foundation for the years to come.

4 Key Elements for Newlyweds

Studies show that a successful marriage does not just happen automatically. It actually requires specific skills and principles that can be learned.

These are the 4 key elements which comprise the secrets to a “happy forever marriage”:

• The couple shares friendship and love in many ways.
  • The couple treats each other with kindness and respect.
  • Each partner knows his own part. (Have you really had the talk “what do I expect from you as a wife or husband”) So what is my part?
  • The couple is committed to staying together, even when it gets tough.

Converting the Elements into Practice

How can you, as a couple or as individuals, learn the ins and outs of these secrets to making your marriage a success?

• Start by spending a few hours together discussing your vision for what you want your life to be like. This makes a huge difference in the success of your marriage.
• Learn the communication and conflict management skills that will strengthen your relationship and prevent negative behaviors that can cause problems and breakdown.
• Decide to Do Your Part and each commit to participating in a marriage education workshop.

 It Takes a Village

The gift of a year for newlyweds to grow together is what Rambam appears to have endorsed as a prescription for our society to harmonize.

And this is where we as a society can help protect the treasure that we have with each bayit ne’aman (i.e., faithful home) that is created. It behooves all the stakeholders – parents, rabbis, rebbetzins, kallah teachers, grandparents, friends and neighbors to encourage couples to safeguard the early marriages and take marriage education classes and help the message of Rambam become a cause for celebration every day.

We owe that to these newlyweds.

Non-Profit Together in Happiness is Calling Out to All Partners

Our non profit  Together in Happiness is dedicated to advancing the critical importance of marriage education and enrichment and particularly for engaged and Newlywed couples, the vulnerable target group often entering marriage with the least preparation.

The non-profit has dedicated sections detailing what partners can do to help advocate for marriage education.

Checkout who Can Partner With Us!

https://together-in-happiness.com/partner-with-us/

Partner with us in advancing Marriage Education and Enrichment

Both in Israel and in English speaking Western countries we have an opportunity to  Strengthen a vital pillar of Jewish society.

As our partner and an advocate for Marriage Education and enrichment, help inform and equip couples with essential relationship skills, aiming to strengthen marriages and reduce divorce rates.

In a rapidly changing world, Marriage Education helps couples adapt to new challenges, fostering resilience in the face of life’s uncertainties.

Let’s Make Rambam’s Advice a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy

Our non-profit believes this is the responsibility of the Jewish community to protect our home front and make marriage a priority for achieving shalom bayit not only for the couple, but also  for families they will bring into our society.  Together we can all make a difference and make Rambam’s advice a prescription for securing our foundations for newlyweds and all the generations that follow.