Reading Materials Reflect My Soul and Its Journey
These are the books I’m reading and listening to:
Anatomy of Exile, by Zeeva Bukai
Fighting the Hate: A Handbook for Jews Under Siege, by Melanie Phillips
Ghosts of a Holy War: The 1929 Massacre in Palestine That Ignited the Arab-Israeli Conflict, by Yardena Schwartz
In Ishmael’s House: A History of Jews in Muslim Lands, by Martin Gilbert
Judaism Is About Love, by Shai Held
The Art and Practice of Living Wondrously, edited by Dr. Ronit Ziv-Kreger
The Thirteen Petalled Rose: A Discourse on the Essence of Jewish Existence and Belief, by Adin Steinsaltz
When We See You Again, by Rachel Goldberg-Polin
There is definitely a theme.
Friends keep recommending books they’ve recently read. Sometimes I put them on hold at the local library or on CloudLibrary (an online library). Sometimes I even try to read them. Rarely do I get beyond a few pages.
Before October 7th, I was proud of the number of books I read each year (mainly novels) and listed them on my GoodReads page. Since then, I haven’t read as much or listed those I did read. It seems so unimportant and a bit show-offy. How do you brag about having read a book about Jews being savagely murdered, or providing practical advice on how to deal with antisemitism, or one that expresses a mother’s profound grief at the torture and murder of her son by hms terrorists?
Since October 7th, I’ve been incapable of casual reading, except for a few books on what to expect as a grandparent (which is not a casual topic, yet filled with so much joy). Perhaps reading has become my Torah study. Rather than an escape, as reading was for most of my life, it now serves to form my evolving essence: where I grow as an individual; and learn to be a better caregiver or support for my grandson, my mother, my daughters, and my friends; and to feel myself embraced within the Jewish people, in time and space.
At the end of each writing session with my writing group, people talk about what they worked on for the past hour. All reading and writing are important, but I just can’t connect to topics that aren’t essential to what my being needs at this moment. I cannot relate to any topic other than Judaism and Jewish history, and how to strengthen the Jewish people, in Israel and the diaspora, at this moment.
I created a silo for myself, one that educates and traumatizes at the same time. I’m in the midst of so many books because it’s hard to read more than a few pages of some without needing to replace the bookmark and step away. How much can I read about beheadings and burnings of people and towns, generation after generation. But I will not look away.
I will not cede any space to the current crew of clueless, uninformed, misinformed, all-too-informed hypocrites, deceivers, liars, wretches, manipulators, and haters. Each of them should be ashamed. The world should be ashamed. Any and all conspiracy theories about the Jews (which could be a definition of antisemitism) pale in comparison to what actual people have done to actual Jews here, there, everywhere, now, then, throughout history.
My recent reading of SILENCED NO MORE Sexual Terror Unveiled: The Untold Atrocities of October 7 and Against Hostages in Captivity by The Civil Commission on October 7 Crimes Against Women and Children raised reading to a profound sense of witnessing and even praying.
No one is requiring me to read any of these books. It is how I honor and remember and learn and respond. Is this a fundamental way that I experience being Jewish—as a religion, nationality, culture?
I keep saying that I long for transcendent moments in prayer or in synagogue—doing the prescribed activities. Perhaps, though, the connections I make through the words I read—and those I write—are more than spots on a page or screen—they are the channels through which I experience the Divine, not as a voice or sensation that transports me in the desert, but as essences/souls/selves communicating directly/indirectly.
Could it be that for me and the soul that breathes within, this is the prayer service that I live? Could reading and writing be an essential way to how I practice and grow in my religion or spirituality? Could doing specific things at set times with certain texts not be how I connect to this tradition, this people, this Presence. And could connections be how I experience G!d who has brought both those people and these texts into my life to learn from and with?
Judaism survived because it answered an innate need to connect, to gather together, to speak to the Divine, to establish a Divinely inspired and guided humanity that respects all, and to be flexible (to some extent) to changing times and needs.
Is nothing random if I can learn from everything; if I was meant to be this mind, body, soul at this moment; if I was meant to be surrounded by the words and faces that fill and fulfill my days. There must be some kind of Guide even if they haven’t come up and introduced themselves to me. Is this insight from all the readings and experiences?
Perhaps I need to stop seeing a hierarchy of texts within the tradition and let my soul direct me, without criticism or judgment, to those texts that inspire, motivate, enhance, and elevate. This is how I can honor and express myself as a Jewish woman, connecting to our past and present.
Any on-topic book recommendations?
