Re’eh: Proper Vs. Improper Intent

I always love when Elul approaches. All the decrees of last Rosh Hashanah that have yet to be fulfilled will unfold in the next few weeks, and so too, all the promises and resolutions I’ve undertaken back then should, at last, be implemented.

I am especially reminded of the Gemara in Baba Batra 10a. Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakai had a dream that his nephews would be losing a total sum of seven hundred dinar. All year he made sure to collect money from them for different charities. By the time Rosh Hashanah of the next year arrived, he had already collected six hundred and eighty-three dinar from them. Erev Yom Kippur the Caesar’s tax collector came and took seventeen dinar from them. They were broken and upset, so their uncle, Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakai, tells them, “Don’t be afraid, it was only seventeen dinar.” They asked him how he knew, and he said, “I saw a dream.” “So why didn’t you tell us?” they asked. He answered, “I said to myself that Tzedakah is better off done Lishmah, with heartfelt intent.”

This Gemara always rings in my mind as we get closer to those high and holy days. Each year a different part of the story strikes me as interesting, but this year it is the last few words that caught my attention. Lishmah, proper intent: this concept is famously known from Mesechet Sanhedrin 105b. “Rabbi Yehuda says in the name of Rav, man should constantly involve himself with Torah and Mitzvah even with the improper intent, because through improper intent will proper intent come about, as we see, Ruth was born to Balak as a reward for the forty-two Karbanot he brought to Hashem.”

In life we find ourselves in situations where we may be operating with very low energy. We struggle to get out of bed and have a hard time giving compliments, let alone smiling, to others. The idea for this is to learn how to smile just because the smile itself will help us out with our misery and depression. But we may ask, “Isn’t this a form of flattery, that we smile at others while we are actually being selfish with our actions?” The answer is, “Flattery is when our selfish actions ask others to do things for us, but in this case, we are doing all that we need for ourselves, and it doesn’t hurt that another person just received a smile.”

There are those people whose moods are influenced by substances rather than actual thought. Instead of telling themselves to smile more so that they can bring more happiness to their lives, they rely on certain particles of nature to uplift their spirits. Some are prescribed while some are self-motivated. Such people may say, “My family had a great Chag because I was present with them. I laughed and played with them the entire day. They will never forget this time!” But they have a complex inside of their hearts. They say to themselves, “If only my wife and kids ever find out that I was influenced by an outside substance, their entire memory of the Chag will be tainted. They’ll say that I was actually a depressed man who relied on those stuff to be someone he truly wasn’t.”

Is this a form of Shelo Lishmah, improper intent? For this question let us dive into another topic to find an answer: sin. We can all agree that when we hear of someone who did something below the standards of common sense, we would shiver in disgust at their behavior. If someone murdered, kidnapped, or the like, we would be ashamed to be associated with them, on the streets and even at home. Those sins are low, very low, but what about a person who decides to be involved in a relationship out of wedlock? It is below our standards and we would tell them, “Just do it right, get married!” But in all honesty, we cannot understand the heart of a person going through this stage unless we ourselves are in a similar situation, and even then we would have to consider other factors for each individual. They understand that what they are doing isn’t the norm of the world, and they may even agree with you that one day they will mature out of this stage in their life, but until that day comes they’ll be dealing with a massive internal struggle. Will they come to regret their past behaviors? Maybe. Probably. But until that day, what are they to do with the need for connection and the void loneliness digs in their heart?

It is very easy to judge someone who is struggling with something that we don’t find challenging at all. But who knows, maybe we are being judged for the sins we commit and those on a level above us wish for the day that we mature out of that stage in our lives? We all have those complexities in our hearts that we have to deal with, and albeit the sin or misdeed we commit, we are too feeble to fight the righteous fight at the moment.

So, back to our question of Shelo Lishmah. If a person chooses to step away from their bad habits and addictions for a day or a month, just because they want to feel spiritually whole when Rosh Hashanah arrives, is that considered doing it Lishmah, or is this a selfish act on their part? If I give Tzedakah because I don’t want to pay my taxes at year end, is that charity not considered a Mitzvah? From the Gemara in Sanhedrin it would seem that even if Balak’s intent was to destroy Klal Yisrael, his actions gave him a daughter who birthed King David and Mashiach. So much so for our own Mitzvot that we perform, albeit the selfish intent we will surely merit something great as reward for those acts.

Giving family a good time, spending time with friends, doing Chesed, all of those things will make our hearts happier and it will add tremendously to others. We may get stuck in our minds that we would love to mature out of this level in our life, but the complex in our hearts is understood. It does not diminish our actions although it has yet to reach the highest level possible. We will keep climbing and strive for true and deliberate good intent in our deeds, but because we once found ourselves at a lower stage in life that does not make us bad people. We did our best with the tools that were accessible to us.

Regret over these past times is the wrong approach. Although regret is needed, it is not and should not be our main focus. We should be looking ahead and seeing how to become even better, because who says that this stage you are at now is the final goal?

Lishmah is a delicate topic, because we all want to do things right. But doing things right means that our next choice is done to the best of our abilities. Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakai knew this so he didn’t want to take his nephews away from that opportunity. But as we approach the high and holy days, we may ask ourselves, “Am I doing this right or am I doing this because I have no choice?” What we need to tell ourselves is “I will do the most Lishmah I can at this moment in my life, I will try a little harder to be even better, but I will be fine with the result of my efforts. Because trying to be better is truly my entire purpose.”

Parshat Re’eh starts with the Brachot (blessings) and Klalot (curses) that will be given on mounts G’rizim and Eival. Devarim 11:27-28: “The blessing [will be] as you listen to Hashem’s commandments… and the curse if you do not listen to the commandments of Hashem…” Many of us who live in the mindset of “Be perfect or go home,” take these words very harshly. We question if we will be able to adhere to the commandments of Hashem properly and perfectly, and since “The righteous man knows his animal’s needs” (Mishlei 12:10), we tell ourselves that we should just give up right now.

The blessing and curse that Hashem is sending upon us is not only for the perfect. It is for those who strive to live with good intent and take proper strides. “But there is no righteous man on earth that will only do good and not sin” (Kohelet 7:20). We all try to be good and become better. And for this Rabbi Yehuda says in Sanhedrin, “If you are trying to become better, start with Shelo Lishmah, do it selfishly, because eventually you will reap the benefits.”

Your kids will be happy to be around you and you won’t need those substances any longer. You will find peace in your heart and smiles in your day, and even the song of the birds will uplift your spirits. We have to be strong and not give ourselves excuses, but when push comes to shove and a choice is before us, walk with Hashem. Walk with the God Who has given you your life and all of its burdens, stride with him, and watch yourself mature into the person He wishes you to become. 

Shabbat Shalom

David Lemmer

LemmerHypnotherapy.com