Roe Jogan Show: Citizen Dave & President Smith

Today on the Roe Jogan show, we have Citizen Dave and President Smith as they discuss the aftermath of the massacre of 10,000 people in New York City on the 550th day after the attack. His cousin’s wife, elderly father, and three children have been kidnapped, and another 3,342 New Yorkers are being held hostage in underground tunnels and apartments in the adjacent borough run by ISIS. Five hundred thousand New Yorkers have been displaced throughout the US, living in hotels for over a year and a half.

Citizen Dave: Mr. President, why are you not doing more to bring back our innocent family and friends and keep us safe enough to return to our borough and rebuild our burnt and destroyed neighborhoods?
President Smith: Dave, we have done all we can under the circumstances. We sent in special forces and heroically rescued three hostages, but in the process, some of the family members holding the hostages were killed in the crossfire. The Guardian has lambasted us, saying it wasn’t proportional. How could we kill 10 innocent civilians holding hostages in their homes in order to return three captured civilians? They called it disproportionate.
Citizen Dave: But they are not innocent if they are holding hostages?
President Smith: According to US law, they are innocent until proven guilty. There was video footage of one of the mothers crying that her baby was shot in the head by our special forces, and there was a spontaneous eruption of peaceful, violent protests at Columbia University.
Citizen Dave: It’s been 100% proven that the footage was fake, made by Pallywood NY with the camera equipment they requested as part of the aid package. The same “mother” has been seen in similar videos, and some of the photos are from the war in Yemen.
President Smith: We know that, but the podcasters tell us that even ONE innocent child killed is immoral. Even if ISIS praised them as martyrs, I cannot carry that guilt. If they are feeling so desperate in their oppressed lives that they are forced to make fake videos, it is an expression of their pain, and we must listen.
Citizen Dave: Mr. President, my family cannot sleep at night, all in one hotel room far away from our family and community. My daughter cries herself to sleep every night imagining that she will be abducted by the terrorists.
President Smith: Dave, I truly feel for you and your family and respect you for your strength and fortitude. In the first few weeks, we enclosed the borough and limited humanitarian aid. The UN called an emergency session and declared it an open-air prison and brought in the ICJ to begin proceedings against us for starving the population.
Citizen Dave: Mr. President, with all due respect, no one is starving. There is more aid going into their borough than any other neighborhood in the entire world. The trucks are lined up, and the terrorists are collecting all the free aid sent from all the morally superior citizens of the world and then selling it at steep prices to their population.
President Smith: The UN World Food Program says they are starving based on videos sent to them by neutral, hardworking UN/ISIS workers. How could we possibly allow one child to starve, even if it is the fault of the militants? We have to listen to their pain and sacrifice. We have a superior military, and therefore, we have the moral obligation to show compassion.
Citizen Dave: Then resume the targeted bombing of the ISIS political leaders and terrorists.
President Smith: We tried that unsuccessfully. After the initial bombing of the ISIS HQ under a kindergarten where we killed their leader, there was a special resolution at the UN that condemned the US. The special in-depth investigation of two days showed that, within 20 minutes after the bombing, the ISIS Health Ministry announced that 5,345 women and 4,365 children were murdered in cold blood by our bombs. X was flooded with millions of images of war crimes against humanity, and the Hollywood stars are wearing bloodied pins. I cannot bear the shame.
Citizen Dave: How is it possible that only women and children were killed and no combatants if it was the HQ? The data has to be fake. How can anyone know within the hour the casualties of war?
President Smith: Dave, firstly, every single child is precious. Did you see the footage of a child caught in the rubble? It made me think of my own son. How can you not feel their pain? Where is your humanity? The UN special rapporteur for the ISIS borough in the US claims that they have evidence, uncovered by The New York Times, that our bombs are so smart they know how to target only women, children, and men under 18. They see no other feasible explanation for the high death toll of innocent civilians released by the trustworthy ISIS Health Ministry.
Citizen Dave: Mr. President, they are holding our friends and family in dungeons, starving, abusing, and torturing them. You can see it in the terrible videos they release to the world on Telegram.
President Smith: Firstly, we do not know that it is true. The first hostages that came out were smiling and waving together with the gun-toting militants next to them. Secondly, there is no proof of abuse. Let’s discuss the facts and not conjecture.
Citizen Dave: We all saw the footage from the day of the massacre that women were violated. The released hostages have said they were sexually abused.
President Smith: We believe all women, but it depends on the circumstance. Even though we all know that ISIS filmed the atrocities, the students and professors at Harvard say it is not true. These students at our elite universities are our brightest minds and future leaders. It is a strong narrative that we will just have to accept for the sake of unity.
Citizen Dave: Mr. President, please, I beg you—help us. Our community is traumatized. Please negotiate another hostage exchange of women, children, the sick, and the elderly.
President Smith: After 50 days, we released 500 murderers, terrorists, and school shooters from our prisons for each of the 10 hostages. The BBC was appalled that it was such a lopsided exchange. After deep introspection, I realized that our latent racism led us to agree to the unequal ISIS demands. In what moral world would our prisoners (Fox calls them hostages) be worth more than the released murderers? To our utter shock, the 5,000 released prisoners with blood on their hands have already killed another 213 innocent people since their release.
Citizen Dave: Mr. President, are you going to do nothing until 6 million of us have been slaughtered?
President Smith: Dave, do not use round numbers. Be exact. Non-experts, within three months, will be saying that this massacre did not happen at all. We need to be data-driven and stick to the facts.
Citizen Dave: Mr. President, how are we going to defend ourselves against terrorists that hide under their women and children? They steal food from their own people? They have become billionaires from all the aid they received? How are we going to stop this barbarism from spreading? Two-thirds of Europe is already under ISIS rule and living under Sharia law. Surely U.S. law enables us to defend ourselves?
President Smith: Dave, I hear your frustration, but don’t hide behind laws when the value of one life is at stake. I have total trust in the UN and its Human Rights Council that includes Iran, China, Syria, Yemen, Qatar, North Korea, Russia, and all the totalitarian regimes. They have our best interests at heart, and I know they will pressure ISIS to release our hostages. Stay calm. Do not worry.

Citizen Dave, his wife, and children escaped on the last El Al flight to Tel Aviv for their first ever visit to Israel.

THE END