And now for something completely different . . .
Rules of the Game
They are trying to kill me.
Yes. We understand. It is regrettable. We understand your concern.
Good. Will you make them stop?
Uh-no. We respect their sovereignty and right to self-determination.
Will you do anything to discourage them from proceeding with their murderous intentions?
Yes. Of course. We will express our deep concern. And you possess the right to defend yourselves, as long as your response is proportional.
Thank you. I would prefer if you would dissuade them, or punish them, or join me in the fight, but if that is impossible, I understand what I must do. But just for clarification, let me point out that they indiscriminately attack civilians with lethal weapons. Is it proportional for me to do the same?
No. That would violate the law of war.
But they are violating the law of war.
Yes. We find that regrettable and reprehensible. You are a Western-style democracy. You must embrace Western values.
Fine. May I use the bombing by the Western powers of Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Tokyo, Dresden, and Hamburg as models for my response?
No. Now you are just being silly. Those cities were populated by our enemies. The cities you are talking about are full of innocent bystanders. Your dispute is with their leaders. Your proportionate response must reflect that. And while we are on the subject, those innocent bystanders require electricity and nutrition. We think that it is your responsibility to provide those.
You understand that they are indiscriminately shooting lethal rockets into population centers?
Yes. As we noted, quite regrettable. But if you do anything remotely similar, it will be a war crime, requiring a strong international sanctions regime.
Is what they are doing a war crime?
We don’t understand the question. The UN supports them. The Human Rights Commission defends them. Even poor, battered President Macron is on their side. Move on.
Just let me make sure that I understand this so that I can act accordingly. The rules that apply to them do not apply to us. To the extent that there are any universally applicable laws, we must observe them but they are free to violate them. And this is fair because . . .
. . . you are Jews.
This is fair because we are Jews. Thank you. We now understand with absolute clarity how to proceed.