Same Space, Different Worlds: A Jerusalem Bus Stop in Four Chapters
Chapter One
The bus is 20 minutes late
My baby starts to kvetch
I fish the mostly empty Bamba out of my bag and she takes it greedily
I give her a tired smile and she coos back at me
My stomach lurches a little, queasy with the beginnings of my new pregnancy
The freshly posted sign catches my eye
Black and white block letters
מלחמה (war)
And it’s so crazy
We really are under attack
Two bochrim sitting in jail
Jail!
For learning Torah
Of course this is an old story
The Romans, the Russians
But now they are endangering all of us! And they don’t even know.
If someone lived in a place where there was no medicine, like they never saw medicine in their life,
And they had an infection in their toe, and someone brought them to a doctor, and the doctor gave them a pill
An antibiotic
They would say, are you crazy? The problem is in my foot, why should I put something in my mouth?
It’s not their fault, they just don’t know
And it’s not easy to be the ones that know
But we do know
From the Torah
From the Gedolim
That our enemies were only able to attack us because we weren’t learning enough
Because people thought
בכחי ובעצם ידי
That we win because of our own power, by our own hands
When really it’s only Torah learning that allows the army to succeed
Yitzy’s Rosh Yeshiva
Says not to go to the hafganot (demonstrations)
To stay in the beis midrash and learn
But my brothers go
Say we have to stand up for ourselves and our way of life
When they talk about it my Yitzy changes the subject
Says a devar Torah
Says if you want to help klal Yisrael
Learn a little extra
Give tzedaka
Help your neighbor
The one you don’t really like
But I’m scared
Scared my brothers could go to jail
Scared for our way of life
Scared to lose the shmira we get from Talmud Torah
Like having no iron dome
Our enemies could destroy us
Chapter Two
The bus is late
I check my phone
For the millionth time I remind myself
No news is good news
My oldest son went into Gaza for the first time this week
The one with the beautiful smile
And gentle spirit
It’s hard to breathe
I tell myself
It’s our turn it’s our moment in history
To protect the Jewish people
It’s an old story
Our enemies rising up to destroy us
With a new miraculous twist
We have an army
We can defend ourselves
Partners with Hashem
The peak of holiness
I think of his beautiful smile
And gentle spirit
And it’s hard to breathe
Please Hashem
Watch over him
Keep him safe in body and spirit
And I open my eyes to see the weathered sign with yellow letters Bring Them Home
And of course we all want them home! But how can they think now of all times, now, they should protest?
Like Bibi is holding the hostages, not Hamas?
Like what we need is not
Strength
Unity
עד הנצחון
It’s an old story
Blood libels
Starving kids in Gaza
Everyone knows it’s Hamas looting aid trucks and starving those kids
Everyone knows if not for the התנתקות and the Gilad Shalit deal this never would have happened
And now they want
More deals
More surrender
They would destroy us all if it were up to them
I am scared
That we will not destroy Hamas
That we will kick the can down the road
That my son is risking his life in vain
That my grandchildren will face another October 7th
I check my phone
For the millionth time I remind myself
No news is good news
Chapter Three
I wait for the bus
I wait for the usual sense of dread that settles in my chest when I’m not busy and distracted
The bus is late but the dread is right on schedule
This country
My only home
Falling apart at the seams
Religious extremists with racist, messianic fire burning in their eyes
Pulling the strings of my democracy
We are fighting a war
That is saving no one but the coalition
My nephew is there
His girlfriend too
They have lost so many friends in their short lives
And I don’t know how they hold it all
My brother in law just called to his fifth round of miluim
The last four times my sister managed with the two little kids
Single parenting while scared to death
But he can’t go back this time
His eyes and dreams are still haunted from last time
Wakes up screaming
Feels numb
He’s not the same
Meanwhile the hostages rot and starve in tunnels
While our leaders refuse to do the obvious things
Make a Deal
End the War
Bring Them Home
This war should have ended a year ago
Hamas no longer poses a threat
The delusion of “destroying them completely” is a crumbling altar on which we are sacrificing
Our children
Our hostages
Our humanity
I am scared
That we will be in an endless war to feed the political machine
That we are losing ourselves, our souls.
Chapter Four
The bus finally arrives
All three women climb aboard
Hurtle into the darkness
Together