Scared to ask

The daughters of Tzelophchad (Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah) approached Moshe with a bold request. Their father had died without leaving any sons, and under the existing Jewish law, his inheritance would have passed to other relatives, instead of his daughters. The daughters approached Moshe and asks for the right to inherit their father’s portion, ensuring that his family name and legacy would not be lost, to which Moshe approaches God and God changes the law.

This story shows us the power of taking initiative and advocating for what one feels is the right thing, even in the face of established norms and potential opposition. The daughters of Tzelophchad did not accept the status quo; instead, they spoke up and were instrumental in bringing about change. Now, imagine for a moment, if they had remained silent. Nothing would have changed. This prompts a thought-provoking question: if God agreed to change the law in response to their request, why wasn’t this law established initially? Perhaps the answer lies in the idea that God wanted to see if someone would stand up and challenge the existing norms. Their actions show us that, sometimes, change comes only when someone dares to question the status quo and push for what is right.

This idea may be true in our lives as well. I remember an incident a bunch of years ago when I meticulously planned and over planned (and over planned some more) a meeting with my boss to formally request a raise. I was super nervous, and prepared extensively for every possible scenario that he might respond with, including writing it all down on paper. However, the meeting lasted for all of 30 seconds, 15 seconds of it being introductory pleasantries, and my raise was approved by HR almost immediately after. The approval didn’t come because of my detailed planning. It was because I asked. 

How often do we hold back from requesting what we believe we deserve, because we doubt the likelihood of success? We convince ourselves that we may not achieve the desired outcome, and so we remain silent or passive. However, even if the answer is a no, we are no worse off than when we started. The opportunity cost of asking is minimal (from personal experience, I have found that confronting people face-to-face with your requests yields the best results. People are generally more reluctant to say no directly to someone’s face, because it’s psychologically harder to do so, than saying no over text or email. Additionally, a face-to-face request cannot be ignored, unlike an email that they will “get to when they can”). The daughters of Tzelophchad remind us that we can change the future, but only when we have the courage to stand up and confront it. 

Shabbat Shalom!