Schrödinger’s War

BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Israel Now Exists in a Quantum State of Schrödinger’s War

Scientists have confirmed that Israel now occupies a unique quantum state in which every war both has and hasn’t started.

According to leading physicists whose mothers are very proud and telling everyone at Mahjong, the war will remain in superposition until someone opens Times of Israel.

Until then:

The missiles are both coming and not coming.

The reserve soldiers are both home and about to receive a text.

The airlines are both flying and canceling.

The ceasefire is both holding and collapsing.

The children are both at camp and one siren away from practicing their sprint to the nearest protected space.

Military analysts say the waveform may collapse if any of the following occurs:

Iran posts something cryptic.

Hezbollah issues a word salad.

A government minister runs his mouth.

Someone in Tel Aviv books non-refundable flights.

Upon observation, all airline tickets immediately become worthless, every family WhatsApp group suddenly contains 6 military strategists, and somebody’s savta announces she “had a feeling.”

Experts have officially renamed the phenomenon Schrödinger’s War.

Israel is simultaneously at war, not at war, entering a ceasefire, violating a ceasefire, negotiating the next ceasefire, and being blamed for all of the above along with everything else.

The box will be opened by the Home Front Command at 2:17 a.m.