David Kilimnick

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Sermons of Rebuke: BShalach Excerpts

בשלח

Shabbat Shalom

The Egyptians seem to chasing Israel.
(14:15) H’ comes straight out at Moshe- ‘What are you screaming at me for. Speak to the children of Israel and move.’ Don’t just stand there and do nothing, like this congregation did when there was a leak in the ceiling.
Now I understand that nobody wants to talk to the youth of today. They are annoying. I know that many of you come to shule so that you do not have to talk with your own children. They are annoying and not helpful…

H’ is telling Moshe. The Egyptians are coming and you should be there for the people. There are times you have to lead the kids. Lead them. But you don’t have to talk to them. That would be painful as anything. Just to let them know what to do…’Take out the trash.’ They don’t get that. You can pray to Gd as much as you want, but they won’t take it out…Move them…

Sometimes you have to take a step up and deal with it. Maybe get on a ladder and help the shule out. Maybe give some money to fix the roof…The Egyptians are attacking you, make a move. Don’t expect H’ to come in and fix the roof…

Rashi- This is not a time to go into a prayer service…Everybody in the shule whines. A bunch of complainers. Get up and do something about it. Don’t pray to H.’ Tell your children they are annoying as hell. Educate them.

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

About the Author

David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.