Sermons of Rebuke: Ki Tavo Exerpts

כי תבוא

Shabbat Shalom

(26:16) ‘This day H’ commanded you to do….’
It seems random. To say this right after we are talking about bringing the first fruits and tithing and feeding the poor.
Would you tithe if it wasn’t commanded, you heretic thinking hedonist?

‘This day’?
Rashi teaches that every day, it should be new to you, as if the commandments were commanded on this day.
I understand that can be hard when you are running out on your vacations, on the cruises…Any way you can find a casino that is legal. Mascots in animal outfits to entertain the children while you are gambling away your next vacation…What happened to the jacket, Mr. Goldfine? Did the bookies take that?…Is it a love for sports, or a love for throwing away the college fund?

(26:17-18) Again, continuing with the theme of ‘today’…to be to H’ an ‘Am segulah,’ a chosen people, ‘to guard all his commandments.’

The chosen people? You think you are chosen. I never got picked first in the pickup basketball games. I used to have to sit on the side…

What have you been chosen for? To guard the commandments. To not gamble, so that you can purchase a new ark for this shule. So that you can pay for the college education? Chosen to be doctors and lawyers. Not chosen to break up a good home because you are not supporting the building fund.

Chosen ‘HaYom’/Today, to practice today. To be a good Jew today. I know Bernie had a good run during the year of Shiva…His memory should be for a blessing (always throw in a good blessing- it makes for better rebuke)…Where have you been recently? I know you are not showing up to Maariv. Why? Because you keep on heading over to the reservation…

(26:19) Keeping the mitzvot is what elevates you, and what makes you the holy nation to H.’

Point is you have to practice the mitzvot.

Why is it that every sermon I give, I have to remind you guys to keep the mitzvot?

And now I am telling you to spend money on mitzvot. There is no mitzvah to go to university. Throw away Mat’s college fund. It is not like he is going to be a doctor anyways. TODAY. Give your money to the shule today. The new ark, time to purchase it today. We are going to be running a fundraiser…The casino night for children from broken homes…
TODAY, we must promise our shule’s future. Make sure you have a rabbi who is fed well…

***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem. David will also be sermonizing Aliyah, this Sunday night, in Tel Aviv
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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