Sermons of Rebuke: Yitro Excerpts

Shabbat Shalom
Yitro gives a good idea and Moshe listens. ‘And Moshe listened to the voice of his father-in-law, and he did all that he said (Shemot- 19:24)…Oh. A little respect given to somebody with some knowledge. How about that for an idea????
I can’t get one person in this congregation to listen to a word I say. Max is even falling asleep. Middle of the sermon. Again…I have told Fran to stop wearing that dress. It has blinded half the congregation…The teens. Where are they?,,
He told Moshe to let the little matters get judged by the other leaders. Moshe would just deal with the bigger stuff. A little court system. A little system where somebody protected Moshe from all the idiocies of the congregation. That would be nice…goldfish die. You are still a Cohen…
And because he listened, they were able to judge the people all the time (19:26). Immediate judgment would make my life much more enjoyable. Bad laying of the Torah- kick him out. Chazan goes on too long- oust him. Mendy gets another one of those annoying haircuts, because his parents have no say in his life and give him money, instead of paying their dues- criminal boot camp…nobody wants to see the kid.
Do you see how much better this congregation would be if you listened to your rabbi?..But you don’t listen…
And the Torah continues that they brought the hard things to Moshe.
What are hard judgements? That would be making decisions as to whether or not we should extend the length of services. Other big decisions: How much to put aside for the kiruv meal budget which takes place at the rabbis house. Should the rabbi get a longer paid vacation. The rabbis seat in shule being comfortable enough…these should be decisions that are left to the rabbi…
The shule is going to start a new behavior police policy. I have had a hard time individually judging you people. Anybody who does not pay dues, immediately rampage the home….If you flip over that little tab on Yom Kippur, you are paying…$20,000 or more, you sit at the rabbi’s judgement table. I don’t want to hear the ‘But the kids flip the tabs and we don’t even see it.’ Maybe the children have more care for this congregation than you…
***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.
Shabbat Shalom


About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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