Marriage Education, Enrichment / Enhancement & Advocacy
Shavuot, Marriage and the Together Forever Formula
The topic of marriage has become a dominant theme in this week’s holiday observance of Shavuot as well as this week’s Torah portion of Naso and has implications for the trials and tribulations that we as a nation are undergoing presently.
SHAVUOT AND MARRIAGE – AFTER THE HONEYMOON
In reference to Shavuot which is commemorated starting this Thursday night in Israel and in the diaspora (extending an additional day over Shabbat in the diaspora) , the topic of marriage in a more generalized sense is depicted in an interesting article written by Marc Eichenbaum entitled After the Honeymoon: Why Shavuot is Compared to Marriage.”
In the article, the author describes the parallel relationship between the Jewish people and G-d and to couples themselves with the concomitant highs and lows after the Honeymoon and Hollywood lights and cameras are removed. In summation he says that “Shavuot not only teaches us how to improve our relationship with God, but offers a roadmap as to enhance our relationship with our partners as well.” I highly recommend reading the original article!
THE MARRIAGE OF RUTH AND BOAZ
Marriage is likewise given prominence in the story of Ruth read by Jewish tradition on Shavout. In the book, the lineage which gave ultimate birth to King David is depicted with the story of how the Moabite Princess Ruth was introduced by divine destiny to Boaz, considered the judge and prominent member of his generation. Although the circumstances of the marriage are not exactly a “shidduch date” and more of a result of Boaz picking up the concept of the yibbum (levirate) marriage mantel, none the less as a result of their union, they had a son named Obed, who became the father of Jesse and David was the great grandson destined to be the progenitor of the long awaited Moshiah!
THE ROLE OF THE SOTAH
Marriage is also given prominence in this week’s Torah reading of Naso. However, the context in which the topic of marriage is introduced and elaborated is the opposite of the story of Ruth and Boaz and focuses on the accusation of infidelity by the husband against his wife.
As described in the talks detailed in Likkutei Sichot’s writings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe z”l regarding the Sotah, the following details are provided:
“Parshas Naso contains the laws governing a sotah, a woman suspected of immodest conduct. When a man issues a warning to his wife, forbidding her to be alone with a certain man, and she disobeys this warning, she is classified as a sotah.1 Even though she may not have committed adultery, the very fact that she was alone with that man after being warned obliges her to undergo the test described in this Torah reading.”
The tragedy of the Sotah is that it is predicated on a foundation of marital breakdown and lack of trust in the wife observing all the marital vows and obligations and the marriage being one of dedication and commitment. Regrettably the detailed description of the humiliating process of proving either the wife’s innocence or guilt demonstrates just how serious our religion places the institution of marriage as a fundamental to our heritage.
LESSONS FROM THE SOTAH
What can we learn from the episode of the Sotah? For one, marriages must be built on a foundation of trust and commitment and above suspicion. The fact that a husband should have to warn his wife already speaks to a dysfunctional marriage riddled by distrust and failures in communication.
HOW CAN NEGATIVE CYCLES BE ADDRESSED?
The vehicle of marriage education is defined by its provision of tools and skills to combat such marital breakdown and to focus on preventative measures to restore and nurture harmony and shalom bayit. Our non profit Together in Happiness is dedicated to be a resource center for the promotion of marriage education and its website offers a variety of downloadable materials on the topic.
JOHN GOTTMAN AND THE DESTRUCTIVE PATTERNS IN MARRIAGE
In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, the author John M. Gottman, PH.D provides set of practices derailing the marriage. [1] Dr. Gottman states that “Certain kinds of negativity if allowed to run rampant are so lethal to a relationship that I call them the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Usually these four horsemen clip -clop into the heart of a marriage in the following order:
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
The author provides a myriad of remedies to address the horsemen and prevent divorce to couples.
KEEPING OUR OWN SPARKS BURNING “TOGETHER FOREVER”
What is so significant this year as we continue to be daily faced with the horrendous toll from our ongoing wars on so many fronts is the poignant focus on the families and their significance to our lives.
Towards that end, Together in Happiness is sponsoring a webinar this coming week on the topic of Together Forever: Torah Strategies to Make Marriage Work.
The Presenters are Roy and Leah Neuberger.
Roy Neuberger is an author, international speaker, and educator who has delivered hundreds of lectures across more than fifteen countries. A former Wall Street hedge fund manager, he later devoted his life to education, personal growth, Jewish outreach, and inspiring audiences worldwide. He is the author of several books, including From Central Park to Sinai, and writes regularly on faith, purpose, and navigating modern challenges. Since the publication of his first book, Roy and Leah have spoken to Jewish audiences in hundreds of locations in fifteen countries.
The Webinar is WEDNESDAY, MAY 27TH, 2026
20:00 pm – 21:00 (Israel Time – IDT)
13:00 pm – 14:00 EDT.
FREE 60-minute ONLINE event sponsored by Together in Happiness
The registration link is:
The event is based on the author’s marriage book Together Forever, which is structured around the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos that discussed forty- eight ways to acquire Torah. The thesis presented in the book is that these forty-eight ways are also strategies that can help a couple develop and acquire a fantastic marriage.
Shavuot Marital Remembrance
One take away from the commemoration of the holiday Shavuot is that we have a Torah – a blueprint for how to conduct our lives and how critical it is to turn our hearts to our loved ones and share some Torah thoughts and recommit ourselves to unity starting with our homes and spreading out exponentially to all of AM YISRAEL. Becoming aware of red flags such as depicted in John Gottman’s book in our marriages and seeking ways to avoid the tragedy of the Sotah is a commitment we can make to our loved ones.
May our homes be places of security and love and may all of our loved ones be reunited and we truly experience shalom bayit and shalom for AM YISRAEL. Wishing all Chag Sameah and Shabbat Shalom.
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[1] John M. Gottman, PH.D, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Seven Dials The Orion Publishing Group, Ltd.,London,2018). P32-39/