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Should I Go?

“House Speaker Mike Johnson said Thursday that he planned to invite Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel to address a joint session of Congress, moving to welcome a leader who has become a flashpoint for partisan disagreement in American politics over the war in Gaza” (The New York Times, March 21, 2024)

Should I go?

Who is this Mike Johnson guy?  I hear he’s a Jesus freak from Louisiana.  When the nutty right wingers in my coalition see all those southern Evangelicals in the Congress going wild like I’m King Hezekiah, I will be “the man”.  But what if the only thing that the black hats see are “proselytizers”?

I hear this Johnson has some problems of his own.  What if I agree to do it and suddenly he’s out on his ear and that sleeveless antisemite Marjorie Taylor Greene winds up sitting right behind me as Speaker?  Haha!  Time to test the accuracy of our Jewish space lasers.

But, should I go?  A few years ago, before they discovered that conveyor belt of cigars and champagne sent to me by my pal Milchan (oy, al cheyt), this would have been a no-brainer.  Streisand would have been clapping from the gallery.  Heck, Sandy Koufax might have been there, too.  Take that, Sleepy Joe!  Who will we get now?  Judge Judy?

Will there be an invite to the White House as well?  I can’t refuse that.  Not after the aid package was finally passed.  One photo of us in the West Wing would show the world that America is still Israel’s best friend and supporter.  Schumer will hug me and explain why he had to make that speech, to save the Dems. But that will be in private.  I’ll be slapped around pretty good later, at the twin podium press conference.

So, Iron Dome, Iron Shmom.  The White House is a close call.

Still, should I go?  It would have been a lot different if I hadn’t blundered our way to October 7th.  If I hadn’t been accused of screwing up the war.  And Genocide?  If I hadn’t just thought about staying in power and avoiding jail.  If I hadn’t acted like, well, an Israeli Trump.

Hey, that’s the ticket!  Why not Mar-a-Lago?  After all, he did move the embassy to Jerusalem.  And recognized the Golan Heights.  Maybe there will be more goodies in the future.  OK, I won’t sleep down there, all it will be is a handshake for the cameras.  And a private meeting with Jared to talk tachlus about a gig for when I’m voted out.

About the Author
Bennett M. Epstein has B.A. and JD degrees and has practiced law as a prosecutor and defense attorney since 1969. He has also been an adjunct professor of criminal law.