Shunning as a favorite cult control tactic

Now, by cult, I don’t mean just a group of people controlled by some charismatic leader in a closed compound. That’s what our minds usually conjure up. Cults can be anywhere. In fact, as someone pointed out to me, you can’t have culture without the word – cult – in it. Families, jobs, anything, really, can be a cult or culty. And shunning is the favorite tactic these groups use to punish those who don’t follow the script. Now, if you’ve been rude or plain horrible, then shunning is, of course, understandable, and expected. But still, ”The Scarlet-Letter-treatment” as I call it, is a predictable method following a predictable social script. As a student of the human mind, I’ve read up on most manipulation tactics out there and it’s fascinating to come across them in real life.

Watch out for pathological narcissists jump on the occasion to pose as moralists scolding you and lecturing you as they step out of the shunning crowd into the lecturing limelight. They often use two or more phone numbers or social media accounts. They are the ones who are going to message you with a lecture. Bet on it. Why two, even several, phones? They’ll tell you it’s for work or whatever, but the truth is more disturbing. They constantly need validation and praise. They’ll do anything to get it. They’ll pose as anyone to get it. And if they get the chance to pose as moralists, oh my, that’s nectar, right there. They don’t care about morality, dear reader, they’re just using the excuse of morality to score social points. They are a collection of masks. Nodding? You know the type, huh? Exactly. They often say they couldn’t care less about talking to you, yet – for some reason – they keep coming back. Maybe another phone number, maybe a different social media account. It is indeed a profoundly perplexing social phenomenon. Sometimes, it’s a one-off, and in that case – it’s cool. But if the pattern keeps repeating, I regret to inform you, dear reader, you might have a low-key stalker on your hands. Lord, have mercy and save people from stalkers.

They pose as moralists because they are fishing for compliments and want to see you guilt-ridden. When pangs of conscience hit you hard, you’re easier to control and coerce. Sometimes, conscience is overrated. Now, that doesn’t mean you’re a sociopath, a psychopath, whoever. It means not falling for their moralistic mind games. Or play their game if you wish, but I’d suggest blocking them. They’ll call you childish? So be it. It’s not childish, it’s pragmatic. They don’t really care about any moral aspects, they just want to lecture you from their so-called holier-than-thou moral high ground and harvest your energy. You can almost see their high horse (emphasis on high) from a mile away. Whatever you do, arguing is pointless and counterproductive, because you’re giving them narcissistic supply.  Attention. Any attention. Exactly what they want. Yes, you might have made a mistake but these types are like energy vampires posing as moralists while all they want is feast on your energy of guilt and perhaps a compliment or two they are going to get from you. Anything can be a source of supply, including not replying to your invite on social media, not because they are upset, but because it gives them power. Control over when they are going to respond to your invite, if at all. Now, they project and deflect a lot, too. In my experience, what they accuse you of is exactly what they are guilty of. It’s like some kind of a cathartic reverse therapy. Classic, right?

Shunning can be well-deserved but it can also be a manipulation tactic. Keep that in mind.

A disturbing world we live, yet also a fascinating one. A vaudeville freak show. Try not to get pulled into it, dear reader, because when you watch the freak show – it watches you back.

I’ll leave you with a song based on a poem by Julian Tuwim (the singer, Grzegorz Turnau, isn’t the author, and some morons in the comments don’t get that and attack Turnau), a Polish-Jewish poet, writer and intellectual. The song’s about the mindless repetition of the human condition. One of my favorites, but, sadly, you need to really grasp the nuances of the Polish language to appreciate the song’s beauty. As one commenter points out, ”Julian Tuwim – the genius of simplicity and refinement.” Indeed, he is.