Ari Teman

Signs You Might Be An Israeli

  1. If you’ve smoked in a prenatal unit.
  2. If you start honking before you pull out of a driveway…or begin a sentence (“Ehhh… Ehhh…”)
  3. If you wear too much cologne and not enough deodorant.
  4. If you’ve ever worked in the middle of a shopping mall, or tried to sell Dead Sea salts, steamers, or knockoff electronics.
  5. If you do something simply because it’s not allowed.
  6. If your medical care consists of the phrase, “Walk it off” or “b’seder”.
  7. If you’ve never parked legally.
  8. If your head is shaved and your chest is combed.
  9. If everyone else is an idiot.
  10. If you’ve ever screamed at a child that’s not yours, whose parents you don’t know.
  11. If you own a dog, and don’t own a leash.
  12. If you wear soccer jerseys at inappropriate moments, like weddings and job interviews.
  13. If you have strong opinions about things you’ve never heard of.
  14. If you’re not sure what those white dashes on the highway mean.
  15. If your approach to seduction is to shout, “Ehhhhhhh!”
  16. If 70% of your diet is made by Nestle.
  17. If you have no money, yet claim to be an investor.
  18. If you are currently traveling in South East Asia.
  19. If you are currently living in Miami… or anywhere but Israel.
  20. If you negotiate with ElAl flight attendants regarding critical safety measures (“It’s incredibly dangerous for you to stand there.” “Just one minute.”).

See Ari LIVE in Israel NEXT WEEK at “Rocket Shelter Comedy” with comedians Danny Cohen, Benji Lovitt, and Yossi Tarablus, July 27-Aug 3 2014: FREE Shows in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Modiin :

ADD YOUR COMMENTS: What are other signs you’re an Israeli?

About the Author
Ari Teman is an award-winning comedian performing on TV, in sold-out theaters across North America and Israel, for the President and the Israeli Ambassador, and as a headliner for Jewish, corporate, and charity events. He can whistle in 17 languages. Ari is also founder Friend or Fraud, the 12gurus conferences (12gurus:Health and 12gurus:Charity), and the founder of JCorps International the first and largest Jewish "social volunteering" network. Follow him on Twitter & Facebook for jokes, shows, and updates. Book him at