‘Silent-Mind Inner-Voice’

Behold, familiar stories with some surprise conclusions inside; yet predestined to reach the traditional ending. You may recognise a few of these ‘Once upon a times’; others may sense some ‘Truths’ – even if perhaps oddly conveyed. Anyway, kindly refrain from skipping to the end; since answers to “Who done it?’ are meandering among the paragraphs. So, for now, please just enjoy how this mind-melded essay unfolds.

A newborn baby – “Mazal Tov!” – normally spends the earliest years believing: he is the universal ‘cause’ of all things. Simply, he is the center of the universe. For him, this makes total sense. There are no other possibilities. The Evidence: ALL his needs are quickly answered. If hungry, he gets a breast or a bottle. If cold, then almost instantly, a blanket covers him. If soiled, he is cleaned & changed. If disturbed, he is rocked, sung to, hugged, kissed, played with, and the like; and even when he has not yet begun to speak, he is spoken to. Clearly – certainly – without exception: ‘For Service’, his voiced cry is sufficient.

So, how does any normal baby understand a severe trauma happening to him? Surely, as pain withers into numbness, he tries to figure out what he did to ‘cause’ that trauma. Except, he can not yet grasp causality; which requires repetition & generalization. He just began having a vague model of correlation; constructing & improving his spurious expectations; learning to safely ‘explore’ this new world. Thus, after a trauma, he tries to discover his mistake. Yes – His Mistake – since he completely believes himself to be ‘the cause’ of all things. He reviews his memories; looking for how HE made that Trauma happen. Recurring physical pain, from the trauma, forces him to review his life’s events – again and again; each time introspecting from some newer self-centered angle. His most recent months loom longer than our centuries. If his suffering persists, as a permanent injury, it will take him ‘many’ real years, including confusing discussions with adults, to eventually conclude – he was an innocent victim; and not ‘the cause’ or even ‘a cause’ of his early life trauma. 

Now, even though there are discussions about who ēYov (Job) was (a real person or a fictional one), we know Moshe-Rabenu authored Sefer ēYov [Bava Batra 15a]. Pharaoh’s contrived ‘test’ resulted in little-Moshe putting white-hot embers into his mouth – trying to cool his burning fingers. Some suggest his resultant pronounced-pronunciation ‘heaviness’ was stuttering, from being severely orally disfigured (at almost two years old – according to Midrash); others portray his utterances almost incomprehensible. If an infant’s experience makes him imagine himself to be everything’s universal cause, how did toddler-Moshe understand the basis of this oral trauma, his lifelong speech impediment, and how peoples’ reaction to him change – whenever he tried talking; since his speech makes them reasonably suspect or presume that he is mentally ‘defective’.

Regardless of who ēYov (Job) was, the text reads like young-Moshe’s delicately written emotional autobiography. Sefer ēYov, like newborn baby-Moshe, begins with someone who has everything, whose every want is instantly answered, who lacks nothing. Then ēYov, like infant-Moshe, experiences catastrophic trauma; ēYov losing his illustrious family, his wealth, his possessions, and his health; and little-Moshe initially losing his biological family, connection to his mesoret, his oral facilities, and his general & digestive health – since he could not suckle with his charred lips, melted gums, blistered tongue. … Almost all the rest of Sefer ēYov has him pondering & developing refutations for three ‘friends’ – who try divergent approaches; to convince him to accept ‘victim-guilt’. (I really like Rav S.R.Hirsch’s perspective; about the differently combined philosophical, psychological, and psycho-spiritual orientations of these ‘friends’.) 

This pondering search for causal ‘reasons’ is exactly how maturing-Moshe must have struggled; to abandon imagined responsibility for his oral trauma & disfigurement. Finally, Sefer ēYov concludes, all was restored to him ‘As it was – but it was – Not – the same’. Similarly, Moshe has everything restored to him – likewise ‘Not – the same’; when he later stumbles upon phonetic writing (Hebrew) – which allows him to speak (!) by having his own words come out from the mouths of those reading his writings. This must have been a most startling ‘discovery’; so unlike the local scholars’ script, where an interpretive reader, considering the illiterate listener’s status & circumstance, would thoughtfully decipher and then ‘creatively & politely’ articulate the Hieroglyphs.

Since Moshe was not at fault for his trauma & lifelong impediment, was there a benefit (a blessing) from his pain, suffering, and endless embarrassment? Apparently: the answer (in my mind) is ‘yes’. Of course, his outer-voice development (from earliest childhood) was profoundly suppressed; both by his physical impairment, and by his socialized-suppression – from seeing & hearing reactions to his speaking aloud. Yet, unlike a ‘normal’ child, his mental organization either totally lacked an ‘inner-voice’ (paralleling his essentially never-expressed outer-voice), or he came to be easily capable of having a ‘silent-mind’ → which was still profoundly active in ways not needing any inner-voice. 

Almost all of us ‘experience’ constantly trying to squeeze & sequence our thoughts through the narrow ‘bottleneck’ of our subvocalized ‘inner-voice’ – as if it is the solitary dramatic portal to external oratory. Possessing ‘silent-mind’ would explain how & why adult-Moshe was capable of Nevouah (prophetic realization) while Awake; unlike all of our other forever genius-prophets – whose poloidal-experiences (of ‘similar’ increasingly innately-ineffable pseudo-synesthesia singularities) only became accessible amidst (what some poetic neuro-psychiatric theoretician <followers of Dr. Henri Baruk A”H> might characterize as) their energetic insightful dream-event encounters. -(Do not re-read.)-

(…Pause…) 

 /…Breathe…/

(…Continue…) 

Acknowledge: Most people have this ‘bottleneck’ consciousness; whenever​​​​ they think about how to express a thoug​​ht or a feeling. Specifically, from never-ending deeply-internal real-time competitions, our inner-voice announces our mental Judge & Jury’s verdict – selecting the ongoing attention & awareness winner; that is conveyed into our consciousness, and then often articulated. By contrast, experiencing ‘silent-mind’ allows multiple asynchronous threads-of-thought to engage within the enlightened-mind. Consider, how impolite it is to speak when trying to listen to another; since two voices occurring simultaneously would generally create an atmosphere where neither speaker could hear the other; except, of course, for the examples of intimate lovers (newly weds) both whispering – excitedly albeit softly – into each others ears, and: Your thoughts … reading … These words.

One thing we should all learn from this ēYov-Moshe parallelism concerns self analysis. Before finding our mistakes, taking responsibility for them, and affecting appropriate inner & outer correction; it is critical to differentiate between our real accountability and imaginary ‘victim-guilt’. Clearly, regarding those traumatic & problematic events, to which every sense of reflexive depreciation and moral self-abasement are completely inappropriate, we must believe that these (like toddler-Moshe’s trauma) will eventually develop into positive blessing-type results. Of course, even late in the years of our own lives, we rarely have enough information to come to any complete conclusion. 

Once upon a time – our psycho-analytic graduation ceremonies (bringing personal sacrifices – repentance korbanot) in the Beit HaMikdash gave us authorized closure from many of our inadvertently problematic actions; inclusive of our respective certainties & doubts. According to my best knowledge, such closure is not part of any therapeutic mode today. Every mental health practitioner will eventually instruct their * finally, finally, finally * ‘self-actualizing’ client “Relapses occur. … so … Remember: My ‘door’ is Always open…” (to renew – and of course – Continue – your therapy).

By the way, and this aspect is generally not appreciated, Sign Language (such as ASL) used by the Deaf Community (and Others) does not demand the same aural language bottleneck-model in the mind. An ordinary ASL-fluent conversation has both parties signing simultaneously; neither having any difficulty in observing, understanding, and responding to the other’s ongoing signing . More amazing than this is their unique ability to solve a problem we mouth-talkers have all encountered. If we suddenly think about discussing a second topic while having a conversation about a first topic, then we have a strange communication dilemma. We could shift our conversation to that second topic, risking never returning to finish expressing thoughts on the first topic. Or, we could continue the first topic, then typically forgetting about that second topic.

NOT so in ASL !!! 

Most normal signers can continue a conversation with one hand while carrying a package or a baby in the other. Reasonably fluent ASL communicators may begin a second conversation with one hand – while continuing the first conversation with the other hand; especially if that conversation is with an especially brilliant ASL communicator →then⇒ they too will divide their expression into TWO simultaneous ‘full duplex’ communication channels. YES, I actually ‘momentarily’ experienced this (two or three times – long ago) at Gallaudet (then College, now) University. … While I had expected my mind to be flipping & flopping – back & forth between two conversations – WOW – both conversations were streaming simultaneously. Perhaps I would have anticipated healthy ‘ordinary’ bottleneck-free parallel-consciousness silent-mind thinking -(sigh)- if I had been extremely familiar with arranging orchestral scores, or with creating graphic artworks, or with another…(?) 

Anyway, maturing-Moshe certainly got past his natural ‘victim-guilt’ for both the profound initial physical trauma and his resultant reinforced social awkwardness. If he finally got past this by age twenty, and he likewise mastered simultaneous (no inner-voice) conscious thinking skills, then he had sixty years thereafter (until Matan Torah) to contemplate what a baseline early-life & later-maturation scenario would look like; if there were no ‘unusual’ traumas. Incidentally, it was octogenarian-Moshe who invoked our collective transition from prehistoric to historic; by virtue of THE most awesome text.

Now, ‘ONLY’ for anyone who has Difficulty-in-Appreciating the Text of Torat Moshe (those fabulous five books), ‘IMAGINE’ in Moshe’s interim sixty years – leading to sensational free-to-experience Nevouah – his intermittently contemplating ‘normal’ development; and how he might express it to others; by compiling & transforming primordial memories, well known stories, traditions, practices, and examples (using ‘state-of-the-art’ phonetic Hebrew writing). Nor is it an especially radical idea for curious mindful-Moshe to have already been thinking about Torah. The entire Sefer Bereishis comprises an oral-tradition anthology of events which happened before Moshe’s birth; thus ‘familiar stories’. Likewise, virtually everything thereafter was transparent to that ‘Matan Torah’ generation. They appreciated the significance (for their Late Bronze Age circumstances) of the numerous technological details and interwoven delicately-described adult nuances; for which we (their direct descendants) need sage-scholar rabbis to elucidate (as equally relevant for our lives, minds, and times).

For all of us, whose love of Torat Moshe grows daily, it is sufficient to recognise: Halacha (an evolutionary great-grandchild of the Seven Noahide Laws) begins with Sinai-certified-status transforming ‘to do’ and ‘not to do’ practices into Living Commandments; with their respective consistently-adapting rabbibic-threshold specifications. Also, appreciate – for thousands of years – this document has been – and is – ‘understood’ by six year olds, by sixty year olds, and by centenarians; each according to their respective life experience insights; and to teachings gifted them by parents, teachers, spouse, etc. Thus, if only considering this variability of readers’ maturation, we must recognize that the remarkable Torat Moshe language carries many multi-maturity expression levels; just as the following short absolute-digression (example) illustrates.

Mom and Dad are driving somewhere, and Junior is in the back seat. The parents want to discuss something about their recent intimate relations; but that is not a topic for Junior. So Dad says to Mom “We really should play tennis more often.” – and curious Junior (not knowing the real topic) asks “I did not know that you two play tennis?” – and Dad says “Well, your Mom is teaching me.” and Mom blushes.

Continuing, for those who still ‘do not appreciate’ the Torat Moshe text, did you ever have to make a presentation? After you ‘prepared’ an idea for your presentation, you wrote notes for yourself (if time allowed). Given more time to consider, you probably revised your organization, changed some of the words & terms you first thought about using; improved the order of sub-topics, introduced some stories, some definitions, and some examples. Simply, are there any other texts in existence that had the ‘luxury’ of ongoing or intermittent revision for sixty mature-life years? (Perhaps ? some ancient text; written by an aged author.) 

Nevertheless, (returning to the Midrash) National Leader Moshe, on Har Sinai, received The Torah text each day for forty days & nights, could not hold all of that day’s text in his-mind, and began receiving (in whole – maybe in part – we do not know) again – the next day. Finally, the Midrash can only express this Miracle of Human History, Matan Torah, by telling us: On the fortieth day, ‘He Received’ the complete text (as we have it today!) – and then – the first thing he did upon descending from Har Sinai was to write copies. Of course! How could he expect ‘everyone’ to understand his oral transmission – when he still suffered from his early childhood speech impairment’; AND his lifelong aversion to public speaking. OK – for those who need another miracle (like me), the non-midrash phenomena was not necessarily that his phonological disorders were cured at Sinai, rather – it was most miraculous when everyone understood him. (In stark contrast: Here, except for You – instantly reading These very words – I have no such expectation.) …  

Now – TODAY – as the ongoing simultaneous cacophony of discussions fill our collective many voiced National-Mind, as we ponder various aspects of ‘victim-guilt’ & responsibility (real and imagined) for the recent Pogrom/Invasion & War (and the trans-atlantic scale of paid clueless-mercenaries ‘protesting’ and attacking), perhaps it is conceivable that, in addition, we might glimpse at a larger picture; specifically: our National maturation. 

Warning: The next three paragraphs present a brief (albeit peculiar) analogy within a short discussion, and an inconclusive conclusion; which may suffice – for now.

We are an active indigenous community of embodied National Treasures; great and small. Each of us are the living representatives of our respective ancestors’ hopes & dreams – literally and via their writings; inclusive of traumas endured, witnessed, And – by proof of our existence – Apparently – Somehow – survived. Accordingly, our singular uniquely-assorted democratic, socialist, and monopolistic national organizations have come together (by virtue of some extremely odd mixture of meritocracy & nepotism) to address as many of our needs as can be contemplated. These ‘organizations’ include those directed to functions & activities which are legal, administrative, and executive; military, corporate, and economic; And relating to physical infrastructure, health care, and a vast plethora of psychological, spiritual, therapeutic, and sometimes-innovative educational renovation modes. NOW – most of this has happened by the efforts & contributions of many people; who have each lived under and/or who have studied ‘other systems’.

Every such person has tried to bring forth improved pieces from different social organization ‘jigsaw puzzles’, and these pieces – actualized from so many different cultural landscapes – have been fitted together, attempting to cover the expanse of our collective needs. Looking at our instant present, and by virtue of inter-factional scissors and endless unobvious just glue-it-together committee compromises, we have a national panorama where some parts are redundantly covered by more than one piece, while other parts remain exposed. I believe (just like you), each and every part of our ‘orginXations’ needs revision (NOT revolution); albeit inclusive of assorted adiabatic reforms. We need to go beyond progressive transitioning from one metastable quasi-equilibrium organization to the next; to peacefully reach a national mode for catalyzing continuous maturation. Accordingly, with a quiet-voice, I too hope to (eventually) contribute some few words – suggesting how each part may be recombinant over the coming years or decades; notwithstanding respective quasi-autonomous symphonic social awakenings; and most certainly inclusive of protocols for our Divinely Mandated Unification. 

It is, in some quarters, traditional to end such an essay on a Messianic note; so why should I ignore this practice? To wit, please acknowledge – the letter ‘Mem’ as a prefix means ‘FROM’, and the word ‘Siach’ means ‘DISCUSSION’. Thus, do I hope & ‘pray’ (yes i do) that ‘FROM our national simultaneous ongoing DISCUSSION’ we will merit to gently reorganize into something satisfactory to ALL; fulfilling the hopes & dreams of ALL our ancient & modern National Human Treasures: To be living ongoing emotional gratitude experiences -AND- (of course) to ALL live happily ever after.

* * *

Dearest Naughty Reader, 

So, You just could not resist the self-control challenge (of the first paragraph), 

and came directly here to find out: “Who done it!”…

Well – then – OK… ⇒ (I alone wrote All of this.) … 

[NOW: Should it not ‘perhaps’ be written according to your instant satisfaction, You can feel free to cut & paste any-or-all into some ‘intelligent’ Text ‘transmigrating’ App; according to whatever language/syntax/grammar & vocabulary You currently Enjoy…(B’Bracha). cms]

“Return, return, that we may look upon thee.”