Lawrence Feldman
Lawrence Feldman

Some Satirical Post – Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors

As a result of the Ben & Jerry brouhaha, it’s quite possible that the local franchisee might set up his own company to replace B&J at some point. While some wags have come up with various creative names for such an enterprise, I’ve decided to amuse myself by imagining some of the flavors that the new-old company might offer:

  • Haredi Bus – strawberry ice cream on one side; on the other, vanilla-fudge swirl containing hat-shaped dark-chocolate pieces. The Mehadrin version would feature a thick wafer separating the flavors.
  • Balfour Bye-bye – Pistachio ice cream with cookie pieces in the shape of moving vans.
  • Jerusalem Light Rail Extension – The Israeli version of rocky road – maybe make that very rocky road. The marshmallow bits would be in the shape of little men wearing reflective vests.
  • Unity Government – The Israeli version of tutti-frutti. Contains halva pieces to represent the Ra’am, the Arab party that’s part of the coalition.
  • Likud Knesset Delegation – Container makes a loud, obnoxious noise when opened. Mint chip-on-the-shoulder ice cream containing chocolate monkeys wearing traditional ‘hear-no-evil, see-no-evil, speak-no-evil’ expressions. Plus nuts – lots of nuts!
  • Summer in the Kitchen – A mixture of vanilla and peanut butter ice creams with plenty of chocolate sprinkles of various sizes – kind of like the ants scurrying across your Caesarstone countertop that’ll be happy to have some for lunch.
  • Peach Process – Vanilla ice cream with a peach-sherbet swirl around a caramel core, reminiscent of Israeli – Palestinian peace talks that just go in circles and eventually bog down.
  • Lockdown Rules – A mystery flavor that’s changed abruptly every so often. Even company executives aren’t in agreement about exactly what the ice cream contains, and argue about this incessantly

And last but not least, one for the vegans:

  • Vaadat Hakira (Commission of Inquiry) –Submarine-shaped candied citrus peel floating in a sea of blueberry sherbet, plus tiny almond pieces – mandel bits!

And I conclude with an ice-cream joke:

Q. When the prosecution finished presenting the last of the tikim (cases) against Netanyahu, why did they break out the ice cream?

A. That’s easy – pa’am shlishit glida*!

* said by Israelis when they’ve unexpectedly met twice — ‘the third time, we go for ice cream’ — which is based on a play on words I can’t recall


About the Author
Lawrence Feldman made aliyah with his wife, Nettie, back in 1982. Both native New Yorkers, they have four children and currently reside in Jerusalem . Larry writes the occasional blog post for TOI, mainly political satire and other humor pieces.
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