Somebody’s Hero

Edited by Rabbi Neil Fleischman

Every summer, Jewish communities observe the three weeks. For these 21 days, the community refrains from having weddings. shaving, getting haircuts, and other customs. The Rabbis instituted each restriction to cultivate a sense of mourning and simultaneously inspire Jews to ponder personal and religious growth. This period of mourning culminates with Tisha B’av, an infamous day when both holy Temples were destroyed.

According to the Gemara, the second Temple was destroyed because of sinat chinam – baseless hatred between fellow Jews. Years after its destruction, rabbis across the generations have expressed a need for Jews to counteract sinat chinam with ahavat chinam/ ahavat Yisrael, baseless love for all Jews. Upon reflection, the instruction of ahavat yisrael, and ahavat chinam, can sound vague. How exactly can someone turn on their ahavat Yisrael switch? Lessons gleaned from life experience and rabbinic leaders have provided me one way for implementing ahavat chinam or ahavat Yisrael: To become someone’s hero.

Secular culture associates the word hero with medical surgeons, army veterans, famous athletes, and successful CEO’s. On the other hand, author Christopher Reeve considers, “anyone who can find the strength and courage to keep going in spite of overwhelming challenges,” a hero. This definition opens doors for everyone to become a hero. In my humble opinion, a hero represents anyone who assists one person during a difficult or challenging time. The title of hero applies even if your assistance or help does not resolve or change the struggling peer’s problem.

According to psychiatric research, perceived support represents the biggest protective factor against the development of mental health problems. Perceived support means, someone perceives they have another person or animal which cares about them, someone in their corner. Merely believing someone would take your call or would meet up with you, offers protection from contracting mental illness.

Several years ago, I observed the power of perceived support against severe mental illness. The first example occurred to Rob (pseudonym). During elementary, middle, and high school, Rob experienced bullying. This included getting called awful names, exclusion from social gatherings, and slim recognition from peers for his strong academic skills. After high school, Rob attended college overseas. At the start of college, Rob pondered committing suicide as it offered an apparent solution to years of maltreatment and emotional hardship. Often, people consider the act of suicide a solution to an irresolvable problem. However, meeting Rabbi X changed Rob’s plans. Rabbi X holds the position of campus rabbi on Rob’s college campus. First, Rabbi X offered Rob a seat at his table for shabbat meals. Next, Rabbi X introduced Rob to various Jewish students on campus at Jewish events. Spending time beside Rabbi X helped Rob develop a supportive friend group. It also helped Rob become more excited about Judaism. Nowadays, Rob has grown into a passionate young man who is excited to make a difference in the business world and Jewish community. This story emphasizes the tremendous impact one person can make on another’s life.

Another example occurred to a peer named Luke (pseudonym) in NYC. Nowadays, many young Jewish men and women live in NYC during their 20s. Shabbat represents a big part of this experience and includes meeting up with friends on Shabbat for group lunches or dinners as well as going to different apartments for onegs or hangouts. For several years, Luke has resided in one NYC Jewish community and spent many Shabbats there alone. Every week, Luke recited kiddush and hamotzi to himself in his apartment. Loneliness and other mental health challenges have prompted Luke to spend time at various in-patient hospitals for self-injury and suicide ideation related incidents. After shul one Friday night, a community member asked Luke, “What are you doing for Shabbat?” Luke directed both eyes at the floor. “Nothing.” Learning about his Shabbat loneliness struck a chord in this fellow. Immediately, this peer invited Luke for shabbat dinner. Dinner turned into a lunch invitation. Lunch turned into a weekly chavrutah. The weekly chavrutah turned into a friendship. Luke continues to combat loneliness and ponders suicide. However, thoughts of leaving his new buddy behind, help to deter his suicide ideation. This story emphasizes how one person can be the difference between life and death.

The Gemara says, if you help one person, it’s as if you helped the whole world.” Performing one seemingly small deed for someone in need will make you a hero.