Take My President (Please!): The Gift of Trump Doesn’t Have To Stop With The Embassy

As the new embassy opens in Jerusalem, Americans and Israelis alike join in celebrating the gift of a president, Trump, who has been instrumental in ensuring this historic event. But many Americans find Trump the kind of gift they want to give… give away. As Israel seems to really like Trump, many singing his praises as a trusted ally, with plans to name things after him in the works and planned celebrations of this friendship, wouldn’t a win/win suggestion be for the US to gift him to Israel? To go with the Iron Dome, the apparently desirable chrome dome? Israel likes Trump, they can have him! With pleasure! France gave the US the Statue of Liberty to celebrate that alliance – it would be like that… After all, the Statue of Liberty lifts her light beside the golden door, and Trump too may have had his torch lifted by a sprinkling of gold…

“Yerushalayim Shel Zahav”, literally – Jerusalem of gold. A gilded Trump train could be just the beginning. Imagine a “King Trump” hotel that could stand where the King David does today (it was likely only a matter of time before ‘Camp David’ was renamed ‘Camp Donald’)  The Old City itself could be spruced up with a big gold “T-R-U-M-P C-I-T-Y” sign suspended somewhere above the Jaffa gate, matching the gold of the Dome of the Rock. Who wants old? You can have new and shiny and successful?

Maybe even many “Trump City” signs, like glittery versions of the Hollywood sign, adorning mountaintops from Mount Zion to Mount Hebron. Maybe a nice gold Trump statue, prominently displayed in a central square. Trump could be the gift that just keeps giving.

Israeli shops already have Trump kippot (yarmulkes) for sale, some emblazoned with Trump’s picture, others red and embroidered “MAGA: make America great again”. Kippot are so small though. Sad! Imagine Trump’s picture and slogan emblazoned on top of the larger black hats and streimels.  Much more impressive… Winning!

Now, the slogan could be a problem. “MIGA: make Israel great again” might not fly because it sounds too much like “amiga”, the Spanish word for female friend. Given Trump’s relationships with Mexico and women, he might not like those optics. “MAHLGA -make a holy land great again”? Might remind him a little too much of Malia, as in Obama. 

But there could be a “Trump Beach” in Tel Aviv. Obviously, no fatties allowed. The Negev reimagined as the Desert Diamond Casino? What about “Trumpberius”? There is so much rebranding to do. Trump’s son-in-law and advisor, Jared Kushner, is already there and might need to stay in Israel and avoid extradition.. ahem, I mean, to enjoy the tradition.

Israelis are smart. They won’t let Trump turn “the land of milk and honey” to “the land of bilking money”. But a small warning (call it a united Jewish appeal… to sanity): once photos of a certain “orange messiah” begin to replace those of the Rebbe, the writing may be on the wall and it may be time to start paying closer attention.

While Trump might miss Mar-a-lago, where he has spent much of his presidency, in Israel couldn’t he BE Mar-a-lago?  In Hebrew, isn’t Mar (מר) is “Mr.” and  (לעגו) La-ah-go “made fun of”? 

President Trump would be missed in the US – well, by whatever per cent of voters who still approve of him, anyway. But we love Israel, and who knows how long we would have been able to keep him anyway. As the saying goes… hair today, gone tomorrow. The US, of course, has its own version of the law of return. It’s known colloquially as “No backsies.”