Teaching Derech Eretz and Middot in Our Schools: A Serious Perpetual Imperative

(Disclaimer: This blog does not pertain to any particular school or institution in which this writer is involved. It is however based in part upon reliable  informed sources and experiences which have been reported or shared with this writer) 

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Derech Eretz Kadmah l’Torah 

Over the past several years, I have written numerous articles, blogs and posts regarding the ongoing struggles, challenges and state of derech eretz, character development and middot of  students attending our Jewish day schools and yeshivot.

These challenges are not new to our Jewish day school or yeshiva community. But, much to our regret, and never-ending disappointment, the lack of middot and derech eretz on the part of students  in our schools are now becoming more prevalent, and in select cases, out-of-control.

Although it may be somewhat rich or unfair to paint our day schools and yeshivot with a single brush stroke, we do know that a growing number yeshiva and day school educators, administrators, teachers and even parents when asked, will report that our day school and yeshiva community is at a very serious and daunting inflection point as it relates to the state of derech eretz and middot of our students.

As an educator, teacher, coach, influencer and consultant to numerous day schools and yeshivot, I ask the non-rhetorical questions – how has our day school and yeshiva community reached this stage? where and how did we miss the boat?  And finally, the ultimate question…. who is responsible for the current state of affairs and how do we get our schools and their students back on track?

In my modest attempt to respond to these questions, I will not point fingers or play the proverbial “blame-game”:  To be sure, there is indeed sufficient undeniable evidence and blame to go around, as painful, embarrassing and as disappointing as they may be.

Reasons and Causes for the Current State of Affairs

It is no surprise that our Jewish day school and yeshiva community are now experiencing an increased wave and proliferation of student middot that are absent respectful behavior or derech eretz – whether it be in school, community or home.

As I have indicated ad nauseum in numerous articles and posts, more and more folks are blaming this condition or state of affairs on society or on our zeitgeist; and that disrespectful youth are viewed as “just another mirror image of our society.”

Unfortunately, these excuses have become very stale and are no longer acceptable or paladable. In fact, as a Jewish community which believes, espouses and supports the concept of  derech eretz kadmah l’torah, we can do better; much better!  In fact, accepting the status quo or blaming the current matzav on societal norms and standards is a very slippery slope, convenient, familiar, as well as a dereliction of duty and responsibility on the part of our Jewish community.

The proliferation of less than desirable middot on the part of our youth, and the total absence of derech eretz on the part of our students, is a condition which must be addressed, controlled and managed immediately. Full stop!

I put the blame for this unfortunate phenomenon mostly at the feet of parents who for years have  relegated the responsibility for teaching and modeling derech eretz and middot tovot to our schools.The assumption here is that schools, their faculty and administrators are better prepared, experienced and equipped to take on this awesome responsibility But, are they really?

In addition,we are now sadly witnessing a growing number of parents with large families who are time-starved and/or who put their careers before family. As a result, these parents can no longer spend desperately needed quality time and attention with their children. As a result, they cannot succeed in modeling derech ertz and middot tovot in a fashion that impacts directly and  positively on their children.

Very few if any parents  are actually  trained to model derech eretz  or middot tovot for their children. Some people will posit that parental modeling is innate, others opine that parents must work long and hard to provide their children with role modeling behavior. Either way, the role and responsibility of parents to provide their children with a foundation upon which to build exemplary character and middot is an imperative.

This reality also holds true for a growing number of day school and yeshiva teachers and  rabbaim  who are in desperate need of training, skill, expertise and knowledge about how to engage students in meaningful and healthy conversations regarding their attitudes and behavior in the classroom, at home and in the community.

This perception should not in an way suggest a lack of respect for our  day school and yeshiva teachers, rabbaim or administrators or diminish our gratitude to them for their unwavering  dedication and unswerving commitment to chinuch.  Many are inspiring master teachers who themselves are very respectful, knowledgeable and passionate about their jobs, responsibilities and careers.

Having said that, in all due respect to the in-service training institutions, conferences, training programs,  workshops and seminars which focus upon student behaviors and discipline, they are by and large temporary in nature and sporadic at best… and, do not fully move the needle forward on the gauge..

When I approach teachers, rabbaim, select principals and heads of school with this challenge, their responses are relatively uniform. Many are frustrated, at a loss for solutions or ill equipped or prepared to respond to the challenge.This sad reality holds true for limudei kodesh (Judaic studies) and limudei chol (secular  studies) faculty and administrators.

As a result, we see the current situation spinning out of control as we witness tremendous turnover of teachers and rabbaim who no longer have the wherewithal, skill-set, fortitude, patience or will to waste precious classroom time disciplining students or responding to the growing lack of derech eretz on the part of their students  – whether they be in the classroom, in school lunchrooms, on class trips, hallways, at assemblies or on our school basketball courts.

There are also a growing number of  yeshiva and day school teachers and administrators who are very reluctant  to complain about this status quo for fear and concern that they will either upset parents, be viewed by supervisors as teachers with poor classroom management skills or run the risk of being accused of  “turning-off” students to Judaism and yiddishketit.

More recently,  I even hear select principals and heads of school  claim that disciplining their students for exhibiting a lack of derech eretz and middot in the classroom or school, minimizes the school’s ability to be m’karev students and may even increase the likelihood that these students will “go off the derech”  Indeed a very lame, convenient and poor excuse for not confronting this challenge directly and head-on with wisdom,  empathy and sensitivity.

Yes, it is imperative to address these student issues and concerns with with compassion, understanding, sensitivity and respect. But, they must be addressed and should never be swept under the rug, as so often happens for fear of upsetting parents or other stakeholders.

The other tremendously important unknown but nevertheless critical reality, is the negative impact these students have on other students who are well behaved, respectful, eager to learn and conduct themselves in accordance with school policy and expectations, and in accordance with the school’s  commitment to the concept of derech eretz kadmah latorah.

With regard to parents, our day school and yeshiva  community must begin to hold parents more accountable for their children’s behavior in school. As just indicated, it is no longer ok or acceptable for parents to absolve themselves from this critically important responsibility.

Although this may sound obvious, the lack of parental responsibility and accountability regarding the behavior of their children in school, at  home and in the community  is beyond daunting at best; and begs a serious response on the part of our schools and community.

The implications of this reality are significant, and suggest a variety of critically important strategies and responses which  should be considered in partnership with the school and community. This is in addition to the undeniable evolving role and responsibility of parents.

Suggested Strategies and Responses

First and foremost, as just indicated, parents must be held accountable for their children’s behavior and attitudes in school, at home and in the community.

With regard to the parent-school relationship, it is essential that parents take full responsibility when a child  either misbehaves in school, addresses teachers with a lack of derech eretz, uses inappropriate language or behaves in a manner that is not in concert with the school’s policies, philosophy or  hashkafa, let alone menchlichtkeit.

The role of the school must therefore be to ensure that there are in fact consequences for a student’s misbehavior and lack of derech eretz. This means that the school should not compromise on this requirement, irrespective of how difficult, vocal  or “influential” a particular parent may be in the school community.

This requirement, albeit difficult to implement, can overtime potentially  transform the manner in which schools implement compliance with student standards of derech eretz, discipline, exemplary behavior and conduct. In fact, most of the senior educators I speak with or coach, strongly suggest that many schools do not have serious or meaningful consequences. As a result, disrespectful student behavior in our schools will devolve into a continuous vicious cycle.

If this topic is of real concern, it must have traction, leverage  and ‘teeth’. Otherwise, we will slip into a state of complacency, resulting in same-old-same-old.

In addition to this requirement, schools should be mandated to offer inservice training for their respective faculty, teachers and rabbaim which enforce these policies and best practices.

This should  include the mandatory requirement for parents to participate in ongoing parenting workshops and seminars in real time or via zoom.

Implementation of these school policies will not be easy, especially when schools try to enforce consequences. This suggests that if these interventions and consequences are not realized or are successful, parents will be informed that their child will need to be expelled from the school. Indeed, a very difficult and painful outcome or eventuality.

It is important to note that we owe these actions and requirements to the other well-behaved and respectful students who must never be denied a healthy and wholesome learning environment in which to grow, develop and flourish as students. We also owe it to their parents who invest hard-earned salaries in order to afford day school and yeshiva tuition for their children.

Other considerations for helping to improve the current status of  student character development and student derech eretz may include: rewarding exemplary student behavior through  public recognition; inviting guest speakers, scholars and lecturers to the school in order to address these challenges directly with students, faculty and parents; the display of signage throughout the school which remind students about the importance of middot tovot;  the offering of special assemblies which highlight people and events that encourage, inspire and celebrate derech eretz, and, the creation, design and/or identification of solid curricula which teach about the critical importance of middot tovot and derech eretz as a way of life.

Finally, it is essential  that our community and their respective schools have the commitment  understanding and resources in order to make these initiatives happen..Needed however is a true willingness and a sincere sense of urgency that the teaching and modeling of derech eretz, exemplary character and middot,  are just as important and critical as the teaching of other important  core subject areas.

Endnote:

As I conclude this blog, I know full well that there will be those in our community who vehemently disagree with several of  my perceptions, assumptions or suggestions.

Whether they disagree because my assumptions are incorrect or because of sensitive political expediency, only they will know the answers for sure.

Having said that, the undeniable fact is that our system is in trouble and that unless we take bold, responsible and decisive action, we will continue to perpetuate a day school and yeshiva environment that begs for change and improvement. It must involve a true paradigm shift in its approach to instilling derech eretz, exemplary character and middot in our children.

Finally, we should require that all Jewish day schools and yeshivot create and implement a derech eretz and middot culture conducive to the vision and philosophy of the school.

Teaching our students about exemplary middot, character development and derech eretz can no longer be viewed as an appendage, or as a commentary to a particular piece of  text, but rather as a core subject area and as an organic cultural and curricular component of our Jewish educational system.

It is imperative that these subjects translate into real time pedagogy – both in limudei kodesh and limudei chol. No compromises, no excuses, no wavering,

Lets us hope and pray that our Jewish day schools and yeshivot and their leadership view these challenges with  commitment, passion, a sense or urgency and due-diligence. The alternative can be potentially disastrous for the future health and wellbeing of our students. This is an eventuality which we cannot afford to accept under any condition or circumstance.

We all look forward to the day when we can all celebrate our children’s middot tovot and  positive derech eretz. But, first and foremost, we must ensure that the proper conditions are in place for this to happen effectively.

The one who plants the seeds of hope and promise, will be blessed to reap the fruits from one’s labor.

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