TEN FOR TEN: Fast-forward from Democratic Debate

As inconceivable as it is to imagine a Presidential Candidacy Debate without one question on economy, that’s exactly what transpired yesterday with the Democratic Party. Not one question on the economy of the largest economy in the world. Not one DNC candidate even alluded to the economy. This very party will have you believe that they deserve your vote to elect one of their band of idiots to run the largest economy in the world…

But let’s fast forward to the inevitable Presidential Debate with President Trump sometime in the future. Below are a few visions I can’t shake from my head. First let’s imagine Trump side by side with each of these 10 clowns.

1. Julio Castro stands on a 3 foot box behind his podium. (The man comes up to POTUS’ waist). Trump, in his opening remarks, asks Julio to be careful not to fall off.

2. Cory Booker’s eyes pop out of their sockets when Trump asks him for some of his favorite vegan recipes. And then again when Trump spots a hair on Spartucus’ head and suggests that he no longer needs to be jealous of Trudeau.

3. Trump asks lunch lady Liz Warren which App is best for learning Cherokee.

4. Trump chivalrously hands Kamala Harris a nasal decongestant and suggests she takes a double dose so she can last the entire debate. Finishing off by inquiring how many times she can say “Donald Trump” in 60 seconds.

5. Trump asks Biden if he has even the remotest recollection of offering to “take him outside” and whether its still valid. Then brings out a geriatric nurse to take Biden’s pulse.

6. Like Houdini, Trump pulls out a large rainbow flag out of his left sleeve to welcome Pete. And then benevolently gives up his time on the clock to allow the mayor to tell us how he came out, for the 167th time.

7 After shaking hands, Trump informs Andrew Yang that he just contributed $100,000 to his Presidential campaign so the latter can top up his $10,000 lottery publicity stunt and help 100 more needy families before Andy disappears into the sunset.

8. Trump graciously gifts Amy Klobuchar his very own pussy hat and full-body vagina costume to the resounding applause of the audience. He concludes by offering Amy an alcoholic beverage while asking her if she still has a crush on Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

9. Trump asks Beto (in Spanish of course) for the name of that good Dentist that worked on his mouth while the hole (not “whole”) thing was filmed. While Beto looks for the business card, Trump puts down an AR-15 on O’Rourke’s podium with a note ” Hell yes, take that bastard’s AK-47 away. And here’s a little something to help you do it.”

10. ….and finally…

Bernie sounds off: “My democratic socialist agenda will attack climate change with a $16 Trillion budget, what about you, Mr. President?”

Trump: “I’m putting up $16 Trillion to fund your regular visits to the barber, to prop up your index finger with the most medically-advanced brace, and put your eyeballs back into orbit. I’ll throw in some Prozac to keep you calm for the next 12 years before we all explode from CO2 emissions. I’m also funding your all-inclusive trip to Israel, with Bibi as your super-host to take you to all those secret locations where Israel murdered 10,000 Palestinians. You can bring your gal pal Linda along. Just tell her to leave her BDS manual at home if she wants to make it past Israeli border control.” And then he continues…

“Bernie, can I give you a hug? No one works harder than you at bankrupting this country.”

Bernie rushes into Trump’s arms teary-eyed while mumbling under his breath “Long live the Proletariat! I got his money, too!”

Trump rushes to Bernie’s podium and hands Bernie his index finger and a brand-spanking-new “Ms. Monopoly”.

About the Author
Valerie Sobel is an Economist, writer, philanthropist, and a pianist living in Canada.