The art of being generous, grateful, and thankful

When you value giving enough, you won’t be greedy, dissatisfied, moody, powerless, ungrateful, jealous, hoarding, overworking, lacking, needy, lonely, tense, unhappy, egocentric, or feeling meaningless all the time

I don’t mean to give everything away: your money, your possessions, your energy, and even your time to eat and sleep. That’s only for saints.

I mean, in all your transactions, be a bit more generous than just the minimal politeness. Add a smile. Add one more word than is expected.

Give a compliment as soon as you have a chance or at least a friendly word. Make a joke or point out something beautiful in your surroundings.

Show you are grateful and satisfied. Sing. Dance. Smile. Bless. Help.

It also means to give without seeking something in return. Being charitable can make you merit being saved from disaster, but don’t give to receive because that’s not giving; that’s doing business or trying to bribe yourself into good fortune. An honest Judge will not be bribed. Of course, you have needs too, and it may become harder to be you if you never receive. It’s OK to request what you need. This too means you value giving.

It’s not true that ‘life is give and take.’ Life is give and receive.

Women, through no fault of their own, may prefer not to be too friendly to men. Men, after giving the warmest welcome possible, may prefer to look away immediately to acknowledge others but not have them get scared.

Jealousy is very common, and so is an inability to be happy with someone else’s happiness. That makes it hard to be generous, which in the first place hurts you and your humanity. You just need to start giving until you feel the joy from it. If you wait to begin to give until you feel like it, that time may never come. But you don’t give because that makes you happy, but because it’s great to be your true self. And you are not a selfish miser.

The Sages say you may never taste the fruit of trees you planted, but that you eat from trees others planted before you that they never ate from.

You give because it’s a proper expression of who you are and your power. You give for the joy of contributing. You give to contribute to developing a generous world. You feel grateful that you get chances to chip in. You give as an acknowledgment of your gratefulness for all you were given.

Some people are so cynical that they assume that humans will only give because it may make them feel good or because it’s preprogrammed in our DNA. People give like we try to think. Without it, you’re not human.

You honor your parents, who gave you life, and include G^d/Nature/Fate. You’re happy for being alive still and to give life to others in various ways.

Valuing generosity means being grateful when you see people give or receive, being happy with what you have, and not dwelling on jealousy.

The Torah commends one blessing. When you ate and became satisfied, acknowledge that it came from Him and et. The Hebrew et comes to add. Who are et here? The one who cooked, who shopped, workers in the shop, people who stocked the shop, farmers, and those who provided what they needed (the table water, electricity, roads, computers, etc.).

When many give, everyone receives. Educate your loved ones to give. The worst mistake is to raise spoiled brats, who don’t value what they have and get, are displeased and stingy, and won’t take no for an answer ever.

The Talmud warns the Rabbis not to forbid things too easily since that may restrict a part of G^d’s generosity. We are warned to partake of all the good that G^d gave when permitted to us. We should not reject His gifts.

The Rabbis recommend giving between 10% and 20% of your income (or time). It should be enough not to feel that you deserve everything and more so than others, but not so much that you end up needy, a burden.

Try improving the quality of your giving. Give of what is yours rather than what isn’t. Give what is needed rather than what you want to get rid of anyway. Give with a smile rather than a frown. Give with an effort rather than impersonally. Give constantly a little rather than once in a while a lot.

People may confuse giving and receiving. You give them a warm hand, and they say, ‘Such a nice warm hand,’ not realizing you received a cold hand. There are two ways to enter a group: ‘There you are!’ and ‘Here I am.’

In a monetary dispute, Rabbinic Judges will rule who needs to pay the other. They congratulate the party that must pay, because their ruling enables the loser to pay and execute loyalty to G^d’s Law. The loser wins.

Generous people often feel they don’t give enough. Ask people who love you if that’s you. Practice being stingy until you learn the right balance. Stingy people often feel too generous. Every gift they ever gave hurt their ego. Ask someone who loves you, Is that me? Begin to practice generosity.

Don’t let misers upset you. You think they can easily give. You’re mistaken!

In a relationship, if both aim to get, both will always feel it isn’t enough. If one gives and the other doesn’t, resentment builds until the starved one explodes. When both give generously, each one is deeply fulfilled.

Jews find attending a funeral the height of generosity because the deceased will not repay them. (There once was a castle owner who died. Someone from the village, not particularly liking him, still went to the funeral. After all, he had been human, and death is a tragedy. There were only two other men besides the funeral officers. After the burial, the two asked the villager for his name. ‘We are the notaries. The testament says his estate, including everything, goes to those who attended his funeral.’ That’s not what normally happens.) I see visiting the sick as no less. Who cares about the ill while busy running around ignoring their own bodies?

One aspect of sexism in other-sex relationships is that the guys have no idea of how generous their partners are. She should happily inform him.

It also means not to overwork or hoard money or stuff. Less is more.

Don’t just waste or destroy as if nothing in this world has meaning.

Don’t try to stifle guilty feelings by being overly generous. Seek a balance.

Prioritize your closest ones (generosity starts at home), but don’t only give to ‘your own’ because that has an element of selfishness, of keeping.

Say ‘Please,’ not as if you own Earth and ‘Thank you,’ not as if you’re entitled to everything, and teach your students and kids the same.

It all includes trust that, if disaster strikes, you are confident others/G^d will help you. That doesn’t mean not paying your insurance policies.

Jews have a custom on workdays to pay a little charity when we pray to enhance our worthiness to have our prayers accepted. Is that not a bribe? You could say it shows how worthy we are—what’s wrong with that? You could say G^d can’t be partial so that’s not enticing. I like best to say any special protection Jews get is not by our virtue but by that of our Founding Families. We don’t add to our merit when we do good but to theirs.

Surely, for the moment, it may feel great to receive. But to give is of a wholly different level. To give is for forever, building eternity. Giving makes you not a full-time beggar, but a partner with G^d, Who only gives.

To the Americans, Happy Thanksgiving!