The curious case of the missing humanitarians

Where have all the humanitarians gone?

Due to the recent cease fire in Israel there has been a severe humanitarian crisis – no, I’m not talking about the actual ones that have been happening globally for years – like the mass murder yet again yesterday of 500 Syrian soldiers – ( yes, I know they are bad bad guys too – and call me old fashioned, but executing 500 of even the worst bastards to walk this earth still qualifies as genocide in my book) – or the abduction of 43 UN peace keepers – ( is the UN even in session during Israeli cease fires ?)

No – what I’m talking about is the alarming disappearance of an entire tribe of humanitarians – they have mysteriously vanished into some Bermuda Triangle for protesters, prompting an international APB on their whereabouts.

( APB on Paula Cole as well – where has Paula gone?)

Till then:

Wanted: real humanitarians – no poster holding, slogan chanting or actual mass protest experience necessary.

Qualifications: must be an absolute lover of all human beings….really I’m not kidding you have to love all people. Instinctively. Jew, Muslim, Christian – it doesn’t matter.

(Admission: I think I might hate people who hate me. Those who want to harm me and my people – if G-d put the possibility of that strong emotion inside me, then I’m assuming that’s a legitimate place to put it to use. Perhaps it’s a hatred of what they want to do, or perhaps a hatred of their hatred to me. Perhaps it’s even a hatred of hatred period? Not sure.

I’m sure of this though. If you come after me or my family or my people, I will hurt you and any one that you bring over. Even if you are dumb enough to bring your own kids. Or you just hate me more then you love them. (Hat tip to a fantastic Jewish Dame – the one and only Golda Meir )

Either way I promise you I won’t compromise the safety of my children.
Real men fight for their woman and children, not behind them.
Real men protect their woman and children, instead of using them as protection.

Does that make me xenophobic? I hope not. My default setting is lover, I know that. Denzel put it best in John Q “…that’s what faith’s about – believing what you don’t wanna believe.” Sue me, but I truly believe that for the notion of family, extended family, and community to work – there must be a hierarchy of loyalty. I truly don’t think a higher love and loyalty to my own or extended family should disqualify me as a humanitarian. In fact I think they go hand in hand.

(Whatever, this is an ad, not a confession booth.)

Where were we…..?

The sight of a hungry child has to move you to tears. Any child. The sight of a dead child has to ruin your day. Actually ruin your day enough to not want to play golf for five months, let alone five minutes. You have to be the kind of person who upon seeing that, wants to drop everything, run home, grab your children with a crazed look in your eye and hold them tightly to you, and never let go.

Where: if you don’t know then don’t bother applying.
When: right now.

No scammers. No haters. No political agendas. No anti-Semites.
Evening are best. Call or text for more info.
Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Rabbi Yossi

About the Author
Rabbi Yossi Lipsker is the co-founder and executive Director of Chabad of the North Shore and spiritual leader of the Chabad Community Shul. He can be reached at