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The Height of Absurdity (Satire)

Andy Tran is Asian.

His fiancée is white.

And they own two dogs. (Please don’t ask me the dog’s breeds or names. I don’t know them. But I know they do growl at racists.)

The four of them live in Houston, Texas.

One morning, the couple is walking their dogs, when a young white man dressed in a baseball cap, sunglasses, black shorts and a green “Be Someone” tee shirt spews a shitload of racist venom on them.

Andy, a little rattled by the verbal assault, pulls out his iPhone and starts recording the incident.

The racist, wanting to prove he to owns a cell phone, starts waving his in the air.

Then the racist yells, “Take your Jewish technology and film me, boy. Come at me, I’ll beat the fuck out of you!”

Andy’s two dogs growl at the racist.

But the Jewish part of his comment bothers me. It seems a bit ironic and quite bizarre since the racist while on his anti-Black, anti-Oriental, and anti-Semitic tirade is waving his cell phone.

I wonder:

Was this another example of space laser anti-Semitism?

Should Jews rightfully get any credit for iPhone technology?

Should Jews fear attacks when they talk on their “J-tech”(I have coined this term and if you use it, please credited me.) cell phones, let’s say in restaurants?

I had to find out the answers to these tough questions.

So I did some research and here’s what I learned:

Yes, the Israelis did invent the world’s smallest video camera. It’s designed to fit in a tiny endoscope.

But I don’t know if these small cameras have been incorporated into cell phones. But for $1,000 for an Apple iPhone 13, it only seems fair that tiny endoscopic cameras are housed in our phones..

Yes, the Israelis did invent iPhones duel lens technology.

So the racist’s statement is at least partially correct.

Some cell phones components do exist thanks to J-tech.

I also learn in Wiki that the racist’s “Be Someone” tee shirt is based upon a recurring piece of graffiti painted on a bridge above Interstate 45 in Houston. It has become a well known landmark in Houston due to its prominent location to commuters.”

Some say the “Be Someone” represents a person’s on-going, internal struggle for growth to achieve ones goals.

Ya know if I lived and painted graffiti in Houston the words on the bridge would be: Be A Mensch.

Which gets me to wonder, “That morning, when this racist pulled the “Be Someone” tee shirt over his head, was he thinking, ‘Today, I’m going to improve my internal growth and achieve one of my goals by screaming hate speech at an interracial couple walking their dogs while waving my Jewish cell phone in their faces.'”

Who knows.

But I determine that the only way to find out what this racist was thinking is to buy one of those endoscopic Israeli-made cameras to search the inner recesses of the racist’s bowels for his tiny brain.

Finally, I recommend to my readers that you do not use your cell phones while seated in restaurants.

Go outside to talk.

It makes no sense to antagonize these mentally feeble beasts.

For they will never “be someone.”

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort was a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal. He has recently taken on the post of president of the South Florida Writers Association.
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