The Jewess Patriot – Are We Letting Down Singles As They Turn 40?

The latest virus killing the Jewish population isn’t assimilation or antisemitism, it’s the unspoken disease of single life.

She’s gorgeous, he is rich. You would think they were to follow the “bill of goods” of that “American Dream” to marry, build a home and make Jewish babies.

Yet, too many, way too many Jewish men and women are single.

We still haven’t been able to make up for the loss of life from the Holocaust in the population, and so many who are so wanting to meet their soulmates and have children aren’t.

Worse, we as a community aren’t facing this defect, because it really is troubling and possibly fixable if recognized and attempted to be resolved.

The Blame Game

It’s easy to ignore the problem or even point fingers everywhere.

Recognizing the problem starts solving it.  Let’s start from home. Parents have to question the epidemic facing so many. Are our schools and their headship misguiding a generation? Are career paths taking wrong turns to make independent adults? Do parents have to start changing their approaches to “loving” their children?

These are hard questions to answer. But here are some tips I hear my peers discuss.

When is it time to say go with your friends for Shabbos? When is it time to pay for a singles event instead of another piece of clothing? At what point do family vacations end and single outings begin?

How do we discuss single life and getting married within a family unit?

Life Goes On

Some organizations get merit points for attempting to attract young professionals.  Some do meet. But after a while, some of their leadership has the same familiar faces and names month after month, year after year. Is this a turn in or off for others to get involved?

Picky, Picky, Picky

There comes a point that a parent defending their son or daughter that they go out but can’t connect to one person because they are “too picky” doesn’t make sense.  Neither does constant rejection. I recently questioned Jewish singles and parents in preparation for this article. Here is one response I thought was telling, “There are thousands of Jewish men between 30 and 45 that absolutely fail to turn Jewish women on. Does that count as single? I think what you mean to ask is about eligible bachelors.”

Here is another. “Many beautiful ladies.” Do you see the disconnect just from these two answers.

Who is deciding what are the criteria for singles of any age to meet and connect?  Would you rather your son or daughter intermarry or never get married?

Why do we sabotage potential meetings with random resumes and awkward referrals like dating is a job and a tiresome process? Does a piece of paper reflect a personal gesture? Does a rabbi know how someone acts behind closed doors? Do you turn your nose up or down when someone suggests a meet through a professional matchmaking service? Do we encourage girls to freeze eggs after turning 30?

Address The Elephant In The Room

It’s time, especially now as universal antisemitism isn’t limited to a religious affiliation or a cultural identity for all religious leaders to find common ground addressing the Jewish single crisis.

Our organizations are expanding into news media seminars and convent creator outlets while demanding hundreds of dollars for lavish galas.  Isn’t it time to start thinking about the diminishing Jewish family they can have more impact on.

What do you see as a solution to this problem? If we don’t start making this a priority then we will have bigger problems to address sooner rather than later.

It’s time for some simchas and more Jewish families.