The Failures and Successes of Avraham and Sarah

As you see we are onto the next step of making one’s life into the actionable reality they were sent down here for. There is simply no denying that as a species we must work together to keep the wheels of the world turning in the right direction. Avraham buys a plot of land and places the details of the contract in the Torah for all to see for generations to come. Yitzchak sets his sights on marriage in order to add a new generation into the world. All of these transactions occur when people go out and seek for their next chapter in life. We need to connect and form bonds with others so we can fulfill our dreams and make them a reality.

We are taught through the words of this week’s Parsha that we must acknowledge all sides of any idea and not be in denial of failure. Avraham tells his servant Eliezer to go to Betuel’s home to see if his daughter would be willing to give her hand in marriage, and if she wouldn’t be ok with it he would lean to his right, Yishmael, or to the left, Eliezer. But we still have to try, for the chance of success. There will always be chances for failure but that does not mean that it is the end of the story, because many times, the test only begins after failure. Are we going to rip up the plans and restart from scratch or are we just going to give up? Are we going to allow failure to teach us how to be better and what to do next, or are we raising our hands in defeat when our short-sighted plans fall through?

Another important point is that when we do encounter failure, we have to see how invested we are in this project in the first place. Many people deal with financial stresses and get into a business idea due to another convincing them that this is the way forward. Not to say that it won’t work, but is this really the way to reduce my stress levels? Each person has a different drive that motivates them to move forward in life, some are attracted to start-ups, some to sales, while some prefer heavy labor. Some want financial security with knowledge of a set or growing income, while some allow themselves the financial tightness as long as their dream still has a chance.

We have to evaluate our stress levels in order to make the proper decision for our future. Yes, I may be making a lot of money in the long run if I stick to this idea, but will I be able to afford my lifestyle and obligations? Each person has a different view of the world and each person has their own dream of contribution. Were it my dream I would fight long and hard to turn it into money, and even so, if the burden of supporting a family weighs down I would have to consider doing something in the short term or for a few hours a day so that I can secure my heart from the stress. And if this is true for my own idea, it only makes sense that if it is someone else’s dream that I must make the same decision for myself.

Every part of our life is a lesson, as we get involved in many ideas and try to make them work we learn new things each day. Naturally, there are many stages from dream to reality, and each step, each conversation and meeting we have is something that will give us an understanding for the future. And when we reach a conclusion that this failure actually put me back on course rather than it being a blow to the head, we can move on without guilt or burdening feelings. Failure is interpreted as success and success will follow as long as we stick to the success mindset. Avraham Avinu didn’t become who he was only after going through 10 major tests, those stories shaped the belief of our nation and still gives us strength until today. But what we fail to talk about much are the many years, months, weeks, hours and seconds that Avraham had to go through and keep the doubt away. People from all walks of life would approach him and challenge his beliefs, he would sharpen his argument with each conversation and build his resolve with each tough discussion.

No matter if we are on the track to success or we just hope that we are, it is courage and strength that is required of us to be able to stick to it. Otherwise we end up in doubt and even if we would allow ourselves to give up, the few days of sadness and neglect sets us back with months of hard work. We want to live a stress free life and the goal is to live completely under the guidance of Hashem, knowing that He is the One Who pulls all the strings and that nothing happens without His will. We can get lost in the failures we endured and beat ourselves up for being weak and lost, but with the success mindset we know that those failures were meant to happen and the test starts now.

With the belief in Hashem we look forward to not stressing over a thing. But what should we do now that we are yet to be so connected to Him and still have some sleepless nights? That’s where Hishtadlut comes in, doing the work that will eliminate the stress we feel when things aren’t going well. Is the stress telling us that we need to be rich and famous? Then it is upon us to work towards a dream that will lead us to that reality. Is our stress telling us that we need security in our weekly and monthly income? Then it is imperative upon us to find a good and reliable job that has a promise of delivering. Naturally, no matter what we choose will bring along its own tests and challenges, and that’s why it is important that we remember the reason we went into this profession in the first place.

“Chayei Sarah, These are the life-times of Sarah. All years were equally good.” What a perfect week to learn the lessons of failure and success. Sarah lost her father at a young age as Haran was thrown into the furnace by Nimrod. I know this next problem is everyone’s dream, but she was too beautiful for the world, as Rashi explains in Gen 12:11. She was kidnapped twice to be queen against her will by Pharaoh and Avimelech. She didn’t have children until her 90th birthday and then fought hard to keep Yishmael from influencing her precious Yitzchak. All of those tests seemed so hard, how many nights was she weighed down by those thoughts and how many words of inspiration did she and Avraham need in order to keep treading through the night? A lifetime full of tests, failures and successes all culminated in one simple phrase, “All years were equally good.”

There are many steps to take in order to live the success we dream about. Each step is one step closer even if it took us backwards, and each step brings a new set of tests along with it. We learn so much from the lives of our ancestors and as we emulate their path we start walking in the path of success. We slowly start shedding those stresses of the ego and allow ourselves into the arms of Hashem to be led by Him and His infinite wisdom. Yitzchak married Rivkah and that success was followed by the tests of not having children for twenty years and then came Yaakov and Eisav, thankfully they didn’t give up and because of that mindset we are here today.

David Lemmer is an Orthodox Jewish Writer and Hypnotherapist. He can be reached at LemmerHypno@gmail.com