Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

The LGBTQ+ shidduch crisis

Does anyone care?

Today is T”u be’Av, Jewish Valentine’s Day.

Right after the first account of Creation, the Hebrew Bible tells us that it’s not good for humans to be alone with themselves, and that a man should leave his parents and cling to a wife and have offspring to teach.

Could anyone sane and honest defend that for LGBTQ+, it’s good to be alone with themselves, they should not leave their parents to cling to a spouse, and they should have no influence on the next generation?

In 20 years, we will look back at all those who denied immutable neurally ingrained sexual orientation as if they denied atoms because it’s a Greek concept with no basis in Torah. Fools, who destroyed myriads of lives!

There are about 1 million LGBTQ+ Jews. With the current prevalence among young Jews, in 20 years, the number will be 3 million!

When will the Orthodox-Jewish community wake up to the reality that matching Queer community members is not only allowed but obligated?

In the privacy of his home, I asked one of today’s greatest rabbis, I was told the most creative among his peers. He fled to the bedroom (!) while his mortified wife, wringing her hands, asked me if I’d like to drink something.

When will ordinary Orthodox Jews take over and be self-assured enough to stop the murderous hetero-supremacy? Almost everyone has a first-degree LGBTQ+ family member. You don’t want them to be happy? Are you too jealous or hateful? I doubt it. It’s a lack of empathy and courage.

Where are the LGBTQ+-positive Jewish matchmakers? Do we want our LGBTQ+ loved ones to meet in pubs and on shady dating apps?

Countless Straight Jewish young people are unable to find a life partner. Many marry late. Many marry out. Many refrain from having kids or have one. Hundreds of Agunot are unable to remarry. That is all bad. Hundreds of thousands of Gays can’t marry or raise kids. That isn’t bad?

You don’t care? I don’t believe you.


There are related allegations in the news that Israel’s national anti-racism tsar is dumped by this government because he highlighted discrimination against Muslim Israelis and/or his name is on a blacklist of the national anti-LGBTQ party that has representatives in this government. Telling.


The situation of women in the strictly Orthodox world is deplorable too. Rude, insensitive, stifling leading rabbis who, reportedly, react to women contemplating change as if they are their enemies.

What is an observant LGBTQ+ person or a woman supposed to do?

Normally, we follow Jewish Law. Codifiers and deciders guide us. What if there is, let’s say, a new machine? The rabbi gets explained how it works, and then he rules. But what if he doesn’t want to listen? Then he could not rule. Anything he says does not apply. Then we need to rule for ourselves. You can’t put your whole life on hold because the Rabbinate is recalcitrant. Shape your own family. Make your own Shul. Write your own guide.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here:
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