Liking the odds of Nuclear Destruction

The runners are under starter’s orders and the race is about to begin. Let’s look at the starting prices and the form behind these magnificent beasts:

1. Complete Peace

Obviously the biggest outsider with the largest challenge at this late stage in the day. Complete Peace is certainly the oldest runner in this race. In the past we’ve seen Complete Peace manage to fall at every fence. The trainers don’t inspire the greatest amount of admiration and certainly haven’t followed the correct nutritional patterns for a healthy outcome. But the problem has always been the jockey, or should we say jockeys. Like an animal with two heads, there has always been more than one jockey trying to take the reins at any given time. In addition, two of the other runners on this track, Right of Return and Temporary Ceasefire, have always managed to keep the finishing line a pipe dream for Complete Peace.

The Experts Say: “If you still like the sound of this old nag and you have money to burn, then it’s always worth a flutter.”

2. Temporary Ceasefire

As the name suggests, Temporary Ceasefire is only a temporary contender. The history of this mythic creature has seen it take the lead in a number of races, only to give a false hope to the punters who have bet on it. It takes two to tango, but only one for Temporary Ceasefire to completely break down in the middle of the track for no apparent reason. The staple diet of Temporary Ceasefire is two buckets of false hope daily, served with a little time to stock up on reserve energy.

The Experts Say: “Keep a shotgun handy. Once this mare falls it needs to be put out of its misery swiftly.”

'The staple diet of Temporary Ceasefire is two buckets of false hope daily, served with a little time to stock up on reserve energy.' (photo credit: Kobi Gideon/Flash90)

3. Earthquake

From the same bloodline as historical winner The Lord’s Wrath, earthquake has shown its powerful force in other geographically held races. Earthquake promises to be one to watch in the future, despite not being taken as seriously as it currently should. The results could be shaken into place by this fearsome, most powerful of beasts. Has proven itself to be a winner, and regardless of soft or firm ground Earthquake can certainly deal with the natural elements of any race. Definitely one to keep an eye on once the starter’s gun is sounded. Heavily overlooked by the Sinners Cabinet Syndicate, who are cunningly hedging their bets all over the field.

The Experts Say: “All hell could break loose if the ground opens up and Earthquake is victorious.”

4. Right of Return

Previously denied victory despite a close photo finish back in 2000, Right of Return has been more of an obstacle to the other runners than a real contender. As we’ve already noted, Right of Return is the nemesis to Complete Peace. These two creatures have become legends among their loyal supporters, who seem to never give up hope of either one. Although Right of Return has been pulled from the race a number of times, it always manages to creep back in just after the starter’s pistol is fired. Handed down stories have managed to keep support strong for this complete outsider.

The Experts Say: “Not taken seriously enough and totally overlooked by the mainstream, Right of Return will never make it to the finishing post.”

'Although Right of Return has been pulled from the race a number of times, it always manages to creep back in just after the starter’s pistol is fired.' Palestinian jockeys in Jericho. (photo credit: Issam Rimawi/Flash90)

5. Tolerated Coexistence

Not quite the fine creature it once was, Tolerated Coexistence is beginning to wear very thin and starting to look a little gaunt. In the past, Tolerated Coexistence has had the backing of kings and presidents alike, but now, as time takes its toll, it can no longer manage the expectations of the common man. Border Abduction, Political Corruption and Media Fairytales have been gaining ground over the years and, more recently, have overtaken this old chestnut on a number of occasions. Not really expected to last much longer, Tolerated Coexistence was never really in it for the long haul.

The Experts Say: “We’ve enjoyed the best years of Tolerated Coexistence, but now is certainly the time to move onto a winner that can permanently hold its ground.”

6. Political Corruption

No race would be the same without Political Corruption. This beast always manages to steal the limelight away from the early runners. As Political Corruption rears its ugly head and twisted body, public broadcasts of the race have become skewed and unclear. It’s anybody’s guess what’ll happen once Political Corruption manages to blanket the race in darkness. In recent years Political Corruption has managed to breed and spurn a whole new generation of runners. Arrogance, ignorance and religious manipulation are the healthy diet of this pedigree animal.

The Experts Say: “A lot of smart money has been put on Political Corruption and everyone is waiting for a little payback. In the current climate it could be a risky bet.”

7. Civil War

The trainers and owners who have invested their money, souls, and at times their lives, certainly have the stamina to go the distance to ensure that Civil War makes it past the winning post. It takes a lot of heart to run on land that’s taken so much and caused such pain, but Civil War certainly should never be ruled out. Without Political Corruption, Border Abduction and Right of Return looming in the rafters, the backers of Civil War would probably not even consider running.

The Experts Say: “If Civil War was to break from the pack it would certainly be worth having an accumulator bet on Messiah’s Arrival.”

8. Border Abduction

Taking chances and stealing home have made Border Abduction a breed apart from earlier runners. With little to lose, lots to gain and no respect for anyone or anything, the suicidal Border Abduction continues a brazen run with little or no accountability. This cowardly beast prefers soft ground and even softer targets. Running on a diet of power and propaganda is ensuring the stamina and staying power of this ugly beast.

The Experts Say: “It would be a risky bet to back an animal just begging to be put out of its misery.”

9. Messiah’s Arrival

Hope has never faded for the only runner that has never been given the media coverage it deserved. The changing times have seen a lack of faith in this magnificent creature, but the time is almost upon us for Messiah’s Arrival to be victorious. Adorned by legions, worshipped by minions and spoken about throughout the generations, the iconic specter of this contemporary contender has been on the minds of millions for what seems like an eternity. Runs best on a solid diet of compassion and prayer.

The Experts Say: “Miracles have been known to happen!”

'The changing times have seen a lack of faith in this magnificent creature, but the time is almost upon us for Messiah’s Arrival to be victorious.' (photo credit: Yossi Zamir/Flash 90)

10. Media Fairytales

Disqualified in the past for the use of hallucinatory drugs, Media Fairytales just seems to spin into action whenever it’s called upon by the highest bidder. Never taken too seriously, but always a little menacing when sending false signals across the field. Trained to chase after Political Corruption, Right of Return and Temporary Ceasefire, Media Fairytales revels in the limelight, but for how long is anyone’s guess. Depending on camera angles, this beast is constantly changing its path.

The Experts Say: “Media Fairytales will always be there but it certainly isn’t worth a dime.”

11. Nuclear Destruction

Despite being trained remotely, Nuclear Destruction has become a potential favorite for the war-mongering masses. Leaving a cloud of death in the wake of its thundering hooves, Nuclear Destruction is hot on the heels of Border Abduction and a close second choice for the followers of Right of Return. The field would certainly take on a new look if Nuclear Destruction mushroomed past the winning post.

The Experts Say: “Once you see the bright light, it’s all over.”

12.  Impotence

From the same stable as Political Corruption, Impotence stands absolutely no chance of achieving anything and never will. However, with that said, the trainers and owners certainly know how to talk a good race. Impotence tends to chase every carrot dangled above its head, but always fails to get a single bite. Similar to the starter’s pistol, this is an animal that just keeps firing blanks. A totally ineffective beast that just won’t move away from the field.

The Experts Say: “Could make quite a mess of things while trying.”

'From the same stable as Political Corruption, Impotence stands absolutely no chance of achieving anything and never will.' (photo credit: Moshe Shai/Flash90)

13. Reign of Terror

Reign of Terror, the current holder of this esteemed trophy, could be leading the field for some to come. What started as a surprise victory has now become the daily norm. Aided and abetted by Right of Return and Border Abduction, there is no end to the widened potential and heightened capability of this ghastly creature. Runs on a tiny diet of clerical enticement and daily hatred, served with the false promise of eternal happiness.

The Experts Say: “The beast just shows no fear and continues to run regardless of the hurdles.”