The Power of Choice and Change

When I was a young woman, I could never have imagined becoming the woman I am today. There was a time when I lived with a deep sense of loneliness and disconnection from HaShem. Trauma has a way of distancing the soul from its Creator and from its own inner voice. Pain, especially when left unresolved, repeats itself in the mind like a never-ending film, replaying the same wounds again and again until a person begins to believe healing is impossible. We relive painful memories so often that they become intertwined with our identity.

An individual on the autism spectrum often experiences trauma and emotional pain with exceptional intensity, tending to revisit situations repeatedly in an attempt to understand why they occurred. The mind can become trapped in a cycle of analysis and emotional repetition, not realizing that this constant replay further harms one’s inner peace. Yet this struggle is not limited only to those on the autism spectrum. Many people, in different ways, find themselves unable to let go of pain. Both possess the gift of choice, but there are moments when a person simply does not yet have the emotional or spiritual tools necessary to release the burden they carry. Without an anchor connected to the Source that created the soul, the heart can remain wandering in exhaustion and confusion.

Through life experience, I eventually came to understand that life is too short to remain imprisoned in continual pain and despair. We each carry responsibilities, roles, and souls that depend upon us—our children, our families, and those HaShem has placed in our path. Sometimes, that responsibility itself becomes a source of strength and encouragement to continue forward.

I have also come to realize that the journey of healing is far more difficult without the help of HaShem. True happiness and inner peace do not come from physical pleasures, though the physical world can certainly be elevated and used for עבודת ה׳ (Avodat HaShem — the service of HaShem). When we develop a sense of closeness and oneness with HaShem, we begin to understand that His will contains wisdom far beyond our own understanding, even in moments that appear painful or confusing in our eyes.

The deep teachings of the Torah were not given merely to increase our knowledge, but to refine and transform the soul. Yet knowledge alone does not automatically lead to righteousness. Torah can remain only words within the mind if it does not become a living action within the heart. This is why the Ramban famously warns about the possibility of being a “נבל ברשות התורה” (naval birshut haTorah — “a morally unrefined person within the permission of the Torah”), someone who outwardly follows halachah yet fails to cultivate holiness, humility, and compassion within. True Torah transforms conduct, character, and the way we treat others.

A humble heart reveals its wisdom through action. Real growth begins when we recognize that perfection belongs only to HaShem, while human beings are called to continual refinement. When we honestly confront our imperfections, scars, memories, fears, and pain—and then consciously surrender them to HaShem—only then can true change begin to take place. In my personal perspective, genuine healing begins within the soul, and from there it slowly influences every aspect of our lives.

Life is too precious to remain trapped in bitterness, discontentment, and emotional darkness. We owe it to ourselves, and to those we love, to strive toward intentional healing. Sometimes HaShem allows us to endure pain so that one day we may become a source of comfort for another person who feels alone. At times, healing another soul does not require words at all—sometimes it is enough simply to walk beside someone in compassionate silence.

True connection to HaShem can only emerge through vulnerability, honesty, and openness before Him. We are indeed formed from the dust of the earth, sustained every moment by the continual miracle of life. Yet at the same time, we were entrusted with the sacred responsibility of bringing HaShem’s light, compassion, and holiness into the world around us.

The art of letting go and placing matters into HaShem’s hands after we have done our part is not easy. Human beings struggle with surrender because we wish to feel in control. Yet in truth, very little is truly within our control. Every breath, every day, and every opportunity to fulfill our purpose comes from HaShem alone. As the Sephardic sage Rabbi Bahya ibn Paquda teaches in חובות הלבבות (Chovot HaLevavot — “Duties of the Heart”), true serenity comes through ביטחון (bitachon — trust and reliance upon HaShem), trusting that HaShem guides every detail of existence with wisdom, compassion, and purpose, even when we cannot yet perceive it.

The human experience is beautiful and fascinating, yet also difficult, confusing, and at times deeply painful. The soul constantly searches for meaning and purpose. Yet often all we need to do is lift our eyes toward the heavens, observe the world around us, and thank HaShem for the gift of being able to participate in His creation through our individual and collective journeys.

Throughout my years of learning and reflection, I have come to believe that HaShem created the world with balance and harmony. Much like the human brain requires unity between its different functions in order to operate properly, the human being also requires balance between intellect, emotion, body, and soul. One aspect of the mind processes emotion, memory, and inner experience, while another seeks logic, reasoning, and understanding. Often, the mind desperately searches for explanations to justify emotions, experiences, and reactions. Yet when there is imbalance within us, our overall wellbeing suffers.

So too, when the soul becomes disconnected from its Divine Source, it creates a loneliness that nothing material can truly fill. It is a profound emptiness that I would not wish upon anyone.

Yet even within that darkness, HaShem gives every human being the gift of choice and the possibility of change. תשובה (teshuvah — return, repentance, and spiritual restoration) is one of the greatest acts of Divine compassion. As our Sephardic sages teach, the gates of return are never closed. No matter how distant a person may feel, the soul always retains the ability to return to its Source.

Healing begins when we finally decide to return to HaShem, to release what we were never meant to carry alone, and to trust that even brokenness can become the beginning of a new life HaShem has been waiting to provide to each and everyone of us.