Shemu’el bar Yehudah, a rabbi in fourth century Babylonia who was a convert to Judaism, was asked to what he attributed his long lifespan. He replied that every single day of his married life he thanked God for giving him his wife, and he thanked his wife for giving him God.
If my wife hadn’t influenced me to study Torah with the Rabbis I would not have become a Jew. She enriched my life in ten different ways. I have been blessed to see our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren raised to study Torah and to do Mitsvot.
When I sit at the table on Shabbat and Yom Tov and watch all the generations of pure and holy Jews who have issued from my union with her and with God, I know both a joy and a peace that surely prolongs my life. Also, each day when I look at my wife, whose loving efforts brought me to Torah and Mitsvot, I see the Shekhinah face of God.
My disciple, the great sage Abbayei, learned this from me and that is why he taught, “There are never less than 36 righteous men (and women) in the world who (daily) are vouchsafed the sight of the Shekhinah (the feminine presence of God).” Blessed is every man with a wife such as mine.
Ten to twelve years after the 1760 death of the Baal Shem Tov, a book was published in Brody whose author may have been inspired by Rabbi Israel’s wife Hanah of Brody and her daughter Hodl. It was titled “Tkhine Imrei Shifre,” and attributed to Shifre bat Yosef.
It explains why the Shabbat candle lighting and blessing was given to the women of the holy people…as it is proper for the women below [on Earth] to act as in the form above [the spiritual world]…so by this means she also gives her husband longer life.”
There are many ups and downs in the life of every person and every nation. How an individual or a community meets the challenges of life is strongly influenced by the mind set one has prior to the challenge. Reacting with despair, discouragement and helplessness reduces the chances of overcoming obstacles. Reacting with hope, faith and confidence increases the chances of a successful response.
Men who have a mother or wife with strong optimistic character traits are truly blessed as was Rabbi Israel, the Baal Shem Tov (1700-1760), the founder of Hassidism, who often stated after his wife died; “I thought I could rise to heaven in a whirlwind like Elijah, but now that I am only half a body, this is no longer possible.”
Mothers Day celebrations should also include celebrating Wives Day; if a man is fortunate to be married to a wife who is God’s help-mate gift to him for the Shekinah in your life, is your mother or your wife
Many husbands love themselves more than they love their wives. Would you rather be married to a person who loves his mate more than himself; or less than he loves himself? The Jewish ideal is that each partner’s love for the other partner is greater than his or her self love.
The Torah teaches this lesson in the narrative about why Adam-mankind needed a partner as a help-mate by his side. In the following midrash (a rabbinic expansion of a Torah teaching) God creates a partner for Adam-mankind as a help-mate by his side.
At first, Adam was all alone. He didn’t have parents and he didn’t have children. He did not even have a brother, a sister or a friend to talk to. Adam was lonely, and he was unhappy.
God said to Adam, “It is not good for you to be alone.[Genesis 2:18] But now you are free to do whatever you want to do. When you are alone you don’t have to share things with others. You don’t have to stop talking and just listen when someone else needs to talk to you.
You don’t have to help when others need help. You don’t have to care about how someone else feels. If you had a sister or a brother or a good friend, you would have to do all these things and many more.”
“I don’t like being lonely” said Adam, “ I have lots of things for fun and games; but I get bored with them after a while. I have several pet animals, but even having animals is not good enough for me. I still feel lonely and all alone. I need someone who is like me but at the same time is different. I need a partner. Someone to stand by my side and be my best friend. I need someone I can take care of, and who will care for me.”
“I know just what you need.” said God, “What you need is a help mate. A person with a different personality, who can grow together with you in love, and help you become a responsible, kind and loving human being. I am going to form her right out of your side, so she will stand side by side with you as your equal partner, your help mate.[Genesis 2:21-23]
“The two of you will be like one pair of hands. You know, one hand cannot wash itself. But two hands can always wash each other. You will have to be responsible for and to each other. You will no longer be independent. You will not be free to do whatever you want anymore.
“You will have to think about another person’s feelings. You will have to listen to what she tells you. You will have to think less about yourself and more about another. I will give you a blessing to help you become a couple.”
God looked down and saw that Adam had fallen into a deep sleep. God hoped that when Adam awoke he would remember all that God had told him. Even if Adam and all his descendants didn’t always become the loving responsible help mates that God wanted them to be, God thought they would become better by trying.
And those who were fully responsible partners and help mates would become God’s blessing for each other. Then the sons of Adam would realize that the daughters of Eve were gifts from God.
Most people think erroneously, that the Biblical account of God creating woman from Adam’s side means from Adams rib. Since humans have many ribs it seems to be no big deal for men to have one less rib.
But the word mistranslated as rib in the Septuagint, actually means side (for example Ezekiel 41:5,11 or Exodus 26:26, 27, 35).
God took the right side from Adam and built a woman (who is well built to this day). Built seems to be a strange term to use, but the Hebrew word for side appears mostly (40 times) in the context of building a structure. A wall with only one side does not exist. A one sided building cannot shelter anyone.
Adam without one side was only half a man. Thus the Torah concludes, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Two sides become one whole. Two sides can stand together. Which side did God take?
Probably the right side because Psalm 45:10 says, “A royal consort stands at your right side” This is why the bride stands at the grooms right side in a Jewish wedding ceremony.
The woman God built is described as an “ezer kenegdo”- a helper corresponding to or equal to him i.e. a partner or a teammate. The right side does not differ greatly from the left side in bilateral creatures but psychologically perhaps she is the ‘inside’ and he is the ‘outside’.
This would symbolize a greater difference. Good partners bring different abilities and talents together. Thus, as partners, one plus one is greater than two. Even a skeptic like Kohelet declares, “If two lie side by side, they keep each other warm; but how can one keep warm alone? ” (Ecclesiastes 4:11)
This is why God says, “ It is not good for a male to dwell alone. I will provide a helpmate partner for him.” (Genesis 2:18)