The tambourine on my wall

A few days before Tisha B’av, I reached out to send messages of support to family, friends and former congregants now living in Israel. I received back a message from one friend following the fast, who responded that they were doing okay BH, and yet, still no Geula, redemption…

When I was growing up, my grandfather, a holocaust survivor, and I would often take walks together when we visited. We would run errands for my grandmother in their Brooklyn neighborhood. I never knew my grandfather when he was fully well and yet he always had a smile on his face, Tehillim on his lips and two questions for me. The first was always about what I was learning in school, and the second was if Mashiach came yet?

I knew I always had to be prepared for the first question with whatever Parsha in Chumash or Perek in Navi we were up to in school. But somehow I never really knew what to say to the second question. The answer was obvious, “no not yet, Zeidi.” But it was the follow up of, “when is He coming?” that always left me mute. 

Mainly because I didn’t know when. Did anybody? But it was more than that. I never really understood why my grandfather always asked the question about Mashiach in the first place. It wasn’t something we learned in depth about in school or had conversations about at home. Yet this was always on his mind. 

As I became an adult and I thought more about it, it occurred to me that perhaps it was because of his experience in the concentration camps. He had been through Gehinnom and back, losing most of his family and never sharing with anyone after the war about all of the suffering he experienced. With Mashiach’s arrival, would also come Techiyas Hameisim, the resurrection of the dead, and all of his family members, the beautiful souls who perished Al Kiddush Hashem. Surely after the holocaust, Hashem would send Mashiach. 

But He didn’t. 

And every day my grandfather would wait and ask the question again. 

These last few years we have experienced such pain and sadness. On erev Pesach 2020 during COVID, who didn’t think Mashiach would surely arrive at any moment? 

But He didn’t. 

And now with the war in Eretz Yisrael all year, and the rising antisemitism throughout the world, all of the pain and suffering, surely this past Pesach we all thought that Hashem would send Mashiach. 

But He didn’t. 

And then with Tisha B’av and the imminent threats surrounding Eretz Yisrael and Jews the world over, surely the time was ripe for Hashem to send Mashiach. 

But He didn’t. 

Who wouldn’t feel disappointed, sad and worried? 

The Jewish people and the women mentioned in Tanach particularly, faced many great challenges. Some were more successful than others and all at great sacrifice. In my front hallway I have hanging a decorative tapestry. It was given to us many years ago by a couple in our community who have since passed away. It was a gift to us from one of their trips to Israel. 

The tapestry reads Mitzvah Gedolah Lehiyos B’Simcha Tamid, It is a great Mitzvah to be happy all of the time. This year has been very challenging to say the least and very difficult in recent weeks. Being happy all of the time? Well, I don’t know if I could attest to that.  

Back in November, I made a Geulah, redemption, tambourine as part of a Challah bake event for Eretz Yisrael. When I spoke with a friend of mine outside of Michigan about the tambourine event, she flatly remarked, “I think it’s a little premature for tambourine making.” 

I have to say, I was deflated. Too early to make tambourines? Yes, things were very bad in November, and still are not good now. But when will be the right time to make our tambourines, if not now?

Sometimes we look everywhere but in front of us for answers. But truly our tradition, our heritage, holds the key to all of the answers we need. On the first day of Shavuos, we read the ten commandments and our glorious time at Har Sinai basking in Hashem’s love. The Haftorah comes from Sefer Yechezkel where he described the Maaseh Merkavah, Hashem’s magnificent chariot, so to speak. But at that time, Yechezkel was already exiled to Bavel and the exile of the rest of the people and the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash, the Temple, was imminent. 

Why would Yechezkel focus on Hashem’s glory in such dire times? The Artscroll commentary notes that Yechezkel is sharing with us Hashem’s glory now, even while in exile so that we would not give up and instead hold fast to our belief that redemption will come. And that is why this Haftorah is paired with the verses at Har Sinai. Revelation was hundreds of years before the exile, and Yechezkel is reminding us not just of glory days gone by, but the glorious days yet to come. 

We live in crazy times. Our world is upside down and inside out. With Eretz Yisrael still at war, antisemitism on the rise, our struggles to remain strong in the face of our personal and national pain is getting that much harder. 

In every generation it is in the merit of the righteous women of Bnei Yisrael, that we find salvation. It is because we are the daughters of Miriam who refused to give up during the darkest of times in our history while our people were enslaved for hundreds of years in Egypt. And we too are part of the unfolding history of the Jewish people ready to bring salvation and redemption for our people. 

We are in this time once again, where it feels like it is a free for all in the world and we are attacked on all sides, on all continents, and in all spheres of life. We are Bnei Yisrael, the Jewish people, and we have been hit hard. We feel the pain and it hurts deep within us. But like Miriam and every other Jewish woman from the beginning of time until now, we can’t let it pull us down and break our spirit. We may feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, but we have the power of all of these Jewish women in our hearts and our souls. They live on in us every single day. For the redemption is coming. 

Although the winds of hate, hurt and defeat are strong, we hold on tighter. 

And we can’t let go.  

For if we did, what would be the alternative? 

All that we have fought for, all that we have gained and lost would be for nought. And we can’t let that happen. We won’t let that happen. 

And what about my tambourine? Until a few months ago I kept my tambourine next to my bed as a reminder and hopefully for easy access on our way to the promised land at the time of redemption. Before Shavuos I decided that I wanted my tambourine closer to the door, for a quick grab and go. As I walked around my house I was trying to figure out where would be the best place to hang my tambourine. I didn’t want it to just lay around. It came out pretty nice I think and I wanted to display it as a beautiful piece of art, a reminder of better times to come, and of course the always need for easy access near an exit. 

And that is when I spotted the beautifully decorative tapestry embroidered words It Is a Great Mitzvah to Be Happy Always. 

I instantly knew I had found the perfect spot for my tambourine, directly below the tapestry. 

You see, we are commanded to be happy all of the time. But how does one do that during dark times? When looking at the tapestry commanding me to be happy and at my tambourine reminding me of the future redemption to come, I realize that I need to hold sacred space for both together, even and especially while still in exile. Because it is in the knowledge and firm belief that better times are ahead of us that we can be happy, and we just need to hold on tight and be prepared for that day. 

And that is when I decided that I believe with all my heart that redemption is coming, and it is never too early to make your tambourine. For it is actually just the opposite. We need those tambourines now as reminders not to give up.

On Shabbos afternoon, just days before Tisha B’av, I was sitting on my porch while reviewing the Parshah and haftorah when two missionaries approached me and engaged in conversation about the Mesiah. They come through our neighborhood from time to time, although I have never been caught outside with them before. 

They were definitely taken by surprise with my ability to answer their questions. After much back and forth, and agreeing to disagree, I told them the following:

It isn’t my job to know when Mashiach will come, how He will come or even what the world will look like when He arrives. My job is to focus on doing all of the commandments I can and to long for and wait for the Mashiach, to continue to believe and not give up.

Really, deep down, I was talking to myself. I need to keep on believing and waiting even though I’m disappointed, sad and worried. And that’s when I thought about my grandfather. 

We could focus on the disappointment and despair or we could be like my grandfather. 

You see, with all the pain and suffering he endured, he rebuilt his life and family, and he never stopped asking the question, “did Mashiach come yet? When is He coming?”

And if my grandfather never gave up, then I won’t either. 

I pray that each and every one of us feel Hashem’s love as He holds our hands and that we feel His strength as he holds us up. We can and must draw on Hashem’s strength and the strength of all the Jewish women who came before us living on in our hearts and guiding our Neshamos, our souls, towards the final redemption. 

Stay strong. Hold on tight to our traditions and beliefs. For the day is coming. Praying for Mashiach and better days ahead.