The needs for provisions and sexuality, their side-effects, and their misuse have a lot in common with each other.
Both consuming food and intimacy have been laden with norms and morality. I’m not suggesting to add even more recommendations and condemnations to the soup of humans trying to reach satisfaction.
Rather, I want to suggest an unusual way that one could look at these human functions. Rather than suggesting new norms, I want to propose having a more open mind about both.
The option to have sex and to eat are often abused in ways very similar.
I will show you what we could call sex abuse (not: sexual abuse, which is abuse and not sex) and food abuse. It goes like this:
1. I feel rotten (hungry, horny, or even: depressed, stressed, or lonely). So, 2. I will now have food/sex in order to feel good. For short-lived fun. Immediately followed by:
3. When and how can I have more?
To get ‘enough’ food: to stuff oneself with snacks/fast food (quick sugars into and out of the bloodstream). To get ‘enough’ exciting sex: to use ever-increasing sets of fantasies and role-plays. To focus on feeling good.
Compare the above rather familiar scenarios to this:
1. My body needs to eat/deeply connect to another human being.
2. What nutrition/partner do I need?
3. How can I make that pleasant for long-lasting satisfaction? (‘Good’ sex/food that is not pleasant is like getting physiotherapy or medicine.)
4. Deep long-lasting satisfaction from being been deeply well-nourished/connected to a loved one.
To get ‘enough’ food: to have much less food but that needs chewing, is high-fiber, and will last long in the stomach. To get ‘enough’ exciting sex: to each focus on their partner. To focus on feeding/connecting.
Satisfaction can only happen with the proper sex/foods. Poison/pseudo-sex (with someone not of one’s sexual preference) leads to an addiction.
The function of sex seems very fit to cement a relationship, and of food to nurture our body — but not for something else (for fun, as drug).
Eating/having sex for the fun of it is not much fun.
Using our need for nourishment/unison satisfies deeply and is fun.