Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

The use and abuse of sex and food

The needs for provisions and sexuality, their side-effects, and their misuse have a lot in common with each other.

Both consuming food and intimacy have been laden with norms and morality. I’m not suggesting to add even more recommendations and condemnations to the soup of humans trying to reach satisfaction.

Rather, I want to suggest an unusual way that one could look at these human functions. Rather than suggesting new norms, I want to propose having a more open mind about both.


The option to have sex and to eat are often abused in ways very similar.

I will show you what we could call sex abuse (not: sexual abuse, which is abuse and not sex) and food abuse. It goes like this:

1. I feel rotten (hungry, horny, or even: depressed, stressed, or lonely). So, 2. I will now have food/sex in order to feel good. For short-lived fun. Immediately followed by:
3. When and how can I have more?

To get ‘enough’ food: to stuff oneself with snacks/fast food (quick sugars into and out of the bloodstream). To get ‘enough’ exciting sex: to use ever-increasing sets of fantasies and role-plays. To focus on feeling good.


Compare the above rather familiar scenarios to this:

1. My body needs to eat/deeply connect to another human being.
2. What nutrition/partner do I need?
3. How can I make that pleasant for long-lasting satisfaction? (‘Good’ sex/food that is not pleasant is like getting physiotherapy or medicine.)
4. Deep long-lasting satisfaction from being been deeply well-nourished/connected to a loved one.

To get ‘enough’ food: to have much less food but that needs chewing, is high-fiber, and will last long in the stomach. To get ‘enough’ exciting sex: to each focus on their partner. To focus on feeding/connecting.

Satisfaction can only happen with the proper sex/foods. Poison/pseudo-sex (with someone not of one’s sexual preference) leads to an addiction.


The function of sex seems very fit to cement a relationship, and of food to nurture our body — but not for something else (for fun, as drug).

Eating/having sex for the fun of it is not much fun.
Using our need for nourishment/unison satisfies deeply and is fun.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry, and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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