The Yiddishe Momme

A story is told about the mother of the first Jewish President who receives a call inviting her to fly on Air Force One. She hangs up the phone, and her friend asks, “Who was that?” She replies, “You know my son the doctor? That was his brother.”

The “Yiddishe Momme,” the Jewish Mother. It’s a joke. It’s a song. It’s a stereotype. It’s from the Torah.

Jack Yellen and Lew Pollack wrote the song entitled “My Yiddishe Momme” that was first recorded by Willie Howard and made famous by Sophie Tucker and later the Barry Sisters. Tucker began singing “My Yiddishe Momme” in 1925, after the death of her own mother, and it became a Top 5 hit in 1928. (Did you know they ranked the top hits back then??) In the song, the mother symbolizes a sense of nostalgia for the “old world”, as well as guilt for having left it behind in assimilating into American society. This Yiddishe Momme has a warm, familiar feel. She engenders devotion, love, and loyalty. Nobody can say no to the Yiddishe Momme. She may even be just a little overbearing.

The classic “Yiddishe Momme” morphed into “The Jewish Mother,” a stereotype that conjures up a middle-aged woman with a nasal New York accent who either sweats over a steaming pot of matzah ball soup while screaming at her children or, in an updated version, she sits poolside in Florida guilt-tripping her grown children into calling her more often. The Jewish Mother wants her daughter to marry a Jewish doctor and her son to love her best of all. She loves her children fiercely, but man, does she nag.

The Yiddishe Momme has Torah roots. Judaism realizes that we have a special connection with our mothers, who play a unique role.

אִישׁ אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו תִּירָאוּ וְאֶת־שַׁבְּתֹתַי תִּשְׁמֹרוּ אֲנִי ה’ אֱ-לֹהֵיכֶם׃

You shall each revere your mother and your father, and keep My sabbaths: I am the Lord, your God. (Vayikra 19:3)

Rashi contrasts this verse with Shemot 20:12 where one of the Ten Commandments is “Honor your father and mother.” Why does the command to honor parents begin with the father, while the mitzvah to revere parents starts with the mother?

Rashi explains that, classically, the father was the “master of the house” and more often played the role of stern disciplinarian. The child may feel a little distant from the father and less willing to honor him. Therefore, the Torah opens the commandment to honor parents with the father: Honor your parents – including and especially your father from whom you may feel distant. When it comes to revering parents, the closer relationship with the classically gentler, tender mother might preclude showing enough reverence. Accordingly, the Torah begins the command to revere with the mother.

The Torah realized that children are likely to have a warmer, more sentimental relationship with the Yiddishe Momme.

Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik noted that people are mistaken in thinking that we only have one tradition from our fathers. The verse says (Mishlei 1:8), “Hear, my son, the instruction of your father, and forsake not the Torah of your mother.” What is the difference between the instruction of a father and the Torah of a mother?

Traditionally in Judaism, the father taught the texts, the laws, and the instructions to his children. The mother had a different role. She taught her children that Judaism is more than strict compliance with the laws. The Rav said about his own mother: “She taught me that there is a flavor, a scent and a warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her the most important thing in life – to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His hand resting on my frail shoulder…The laws of Shabbat were passed on to me by my father. The Shabbat as a living entity, a queen, was revealed to me by my mother; it is part of ‘the Torah of your mother’.” (“A Tribute to the Rebbetzin of Talne,” Tradition 17:2)

Judaism is a tradition which requires the input, influence, and spirit of both parents, but there is something especial that comes from our mothers. Maybe that’s why Judaism is matrilineal, and the religion is determined by the mother.

The Yiddishe Momme is more than a joke, a song, or a stereotype. She represents the secret weapon in ensuring Jewish thriving. Living by the “Torah of our mothers” and sharing a warm, beautiful, and vibrant Judaism with all around us would be a great gift to all the moms out there.

Happy Mother’s Day!