They claim harassment, he claims libel, then meanwhile, what should we remember?

I don’t want to go too much into the particulars of the latest Israeli case. The accused, however, has admitted in court papers: “What I wrote was wrong. I take responsibility for it. But I am not some dangerous monster who is out there hurting women and I won’t be engaging in any ‘friendly’ communication with any women other than my wife.” Let me just say that no one claimed that sex offenders must impress as monsters. Also, the law doesn’t demand any plaintive to prove that the accused was sub-human.

Rather, I want to write generally, how to take these stalemates. Ignore the accusations? Ignore the defense? Stay torn or suspend one’s judgment?

First of all, Jewish Law doesn’t have a lot of trust in the moral compass of men when it comes to sexuality. There are very strict rules about being secluded with someone of the opposite sex. If one keeps these guidelines, it’s very hard to go wrong or get accused of sexual harassment. So, if an Orthodox Jew is accused, he has most likely violated Jewish Law.

Typical serial abusers pick on the socially weak individuals while cultivating an excellent name with the strong persons. People with few or no close supporting family, with a history of mental health problems, poor — who’s going to believe them over him, the big shot?! So, all the supportive testimonies of successful women/children/men mean nothing.

My rabbi says: “I only see women for counseling when my wife is home and I keep the door open. One complaint by one woman can destroy your good name forever, even if you did nothing wrong.”

There are not a lot of false claims of abuse except by abusers. Abusers also abuse the law — what a surprise?! So, someone who sues people who claim he abused them is not doing his good name any favor. This especially when there are multiple accusations. Yet, in the case of celebrities or famous people, you can’t just know for sure that the accusers are right. Though generally, they are. Even if it would take decades to be confirmed.

But, I once had an employer who was not only a total fake and hypocrite, but also a bully. Soon enough, he claimed I was not doing my work well and he wanted to fire me. I was still in my naive phase, so I thought to win this dispute because he was lying and I spoke the truth. He then claimed that if I wouldn’t quit, his secretary would file a complaint (that obviously he had written) that I sexually harassed her. I was so stupid to start laughing very loudly. He then changed the claim that she had felt intimidated by my height. (I never talked to her.) That was the moment I realized I needed to quit. So I know that false accusations happen.

I mentioned before that every denial of abuse, once the denier is found guilty, should add to the sentence. Because, currently, when an accuser is wealthy, he can play all kinds of legal games without any risks.

There are three reasons why I’d give accusers some benefit of the doubt.

2. It takes enormous courage to admit having been victimized. It takes a lot of emotional work to turn a loss into a victory, to blame the culprit only.

2. Fans of famous ones and other cruel people, at accusations often start trashing and even threatening the accusers.

3. The abuser often looks good, strong, collected, dignified. The accusers often look confused, emotional. It’s way too easy to disbelieve the latter.

Also, no one would falsely make accusations without a motive. Accusing or suing accusers, though, would hand them a motive were they lacking one.

I think that suspending one’s judgment is too wishy-washy. With sexual complaints, I would say: guilty until proven innocent, and even then not. Not to condemn the accused but rather, but to honor the accusers.

About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1