They made me a better teacher… and more

Some students, you just never forget. For me, this is especially true of “firsts,” and so it was in my first congregation and my first teen confirmation class. Looking back, maybe it was luck, but maybe something more — because these seven students became my teachers.

Over the years (way too many to count), I lost touch with most of them, but found some (and some found me) on social media. We often hear about the effects of teachers on students … the delayed gratification when they realize how influential a teacher was in their lives. But we don’t often understand how students can have a similar effect on their teachers.

They forced me to see them as human beings. Under their influence, I learned about their lives, aspirations, stresses, and above all, how they strived to be better, always better. In this way, they constantly challenged me and made me a better teacher.

But they also made me a better father, a better person and a much better rabbi. I could never slide through a lesson. They were demanding, infuriating and vulnerable in our interactions both in and out of the classroom. And finally, they were trusting.

One of the leaders of this pack — let me call her Dana — was an unofficial marshal of the group. She was a most potent critic, someone who demanded the most from me and the class. Her bestie — let me call her Lara — was her partner in crime. They formed a tag team of intellect and perception I had never experienced before and rarely since. And when they set their sights on me, I either rose to the challenge or lost sleep.

We came to a place where few dwell: the love of teachers for their students. So much so, that even 40-plus years later, they are still with me in every class and every day.

When I and four other rabbis went to prison for refusing to pay a fine in a Soviet Jewry demonstration, they knitted for me a sign that said, “Ex cons are the best cons.” It hangs on my wall to this very day.

I recently came back down to the DC area as an interim rabbi, and some of these students got in touch with me.

And I found out that Dana had died several years ago.

Students are not supposed to die before their teachers. It is an abrogation of the natural order. I found myself surprisingly mourning her loss in ways I never expected.

In my experience, there are some people who make the world a better place, and just knowing they exist buoys us through dark times. Dana was one of those people for me. These High Holidays will be that much harder. But I can attest that she is someone who made a mark on this world that I will never forget.