Things Gone Missing

As we advance in life, things go missing. The nature of such losses can be mundane or spiritual.

Commonplace losses can disturb intrapersonal harmony. After all, evolving impacts the mind. “Ripening” isn’t just about being somatically off kilter. Correspondingly, it encompasses an uneven way of processing and retaining data. More exactly, senescence can cause our thoughts to run askew. We might begin to misplace keys, shoes, and cell phones. Equally, we might begin to mislay compassion, empathy, and understanding.

Editor Annmarie Conte suggests in “Can You Help My Spouse Stop Misplacing Everything?” that we need to accept, that with aging, ourselves or our loved ones might increasingly experience things “going missing” and that we ought to respond accordingly. She advises us to have specific whereabouts for possessions, to group commonly handled items together, to own extras of important accoutrements, to assess personal tendencies, to use automated tools to track paraphernalia, to completely eliminate habitually gone astray trappings, and to utilize carrying contrivances to ensure places for all of our appurtenances.

Essentially, we can fairly easily compensate for many mental and emotional manifestations of cognitive decline. Contrariwise, ordinarily, we have to make a greater effort to counterweigh  any loss of benevolence we find within ourselves.

One the one hand, Conte’s concepts can be extended to also cover vanished middot. Per kindness and consideration, we could schedule regular periods for listing gratitudes, mentally group our associates together despite their varying demographics, employ extra kavod for them, assess our own biases, bring into play digital devices to remind us to engage in kind-heartedness, eliminate partiality, and exploit mnemonics to ensure that we make time and space in our hearts for our brethren.

On the other hand, poor character traits, e.g., prejudice, push us off the derech eretz. Unfortunately, we’re indoctrinated at home, at school, at work, and at schul to separate ourselves from other people even though, at the end of days, fabricated distinctions won’t matter, and even though only whether and how we positioned ourselves and our understanding of our cohorts to count among Am Yisrael will matter. Meanwhile, at present, such false demarcations trip up our neshemot, in particular, and our lives, in general.

Note, there’s a reward for love, even tolerance. The opposite holds true for dark predispositions. “[T]he question is are you merchandise for the land of Israel or not[. I]f [you are] so easily capable of falling out of love [with Hashem and His nation,] if you don’t deserve it, [it’s] taken away from you until you figure out …your passion[.] How much do you really want this?” (Katz).

Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblum expounds on the importance of amity, in “Parashas Devarim 5772—Don’t Build Up by Putting Down; The Cabdriver Has the Last Word; The Tolna Rebbe on a Lack of Hakaras Hatov;”

Perhaps the true meaning of sinas chinam [baseless hatred] is the failure to fully appreciate the tzelem Elokim [image of G-d] in our fellow Jew. In every failure, no matter how small, to recognize what is most elevated about our fellow Jews, there is an element of sinas chinam…Rabbi Jeremy Kagan [writes] in…The Choice to Be[, that “w]e are only blind to the tzelem Elokim in others if we have not fully realized it in ourselves. That lack of realization diminishes our awareness of our own tzelem Elokim, and, as a consequence, our awareness of it in others.”

In other words, it’s vital for us to appreciate that each and every one of us has been fashioned in Hashem’s likeness and, therefore, is precious. Regrettably, too often our grasp of this truth is lost and our nonchalance about this loss is rationalized. Sometimes, as folks grow older, instead of cleaving closer to The Aibishter, we become less invested. After all, acceptance of our comrades requires unusual efforts and seniors, at times, rationalize, wrongly, that we’re no longer responsible for such labors by dint of our advanced years.

A case in point is matrimony. It’s a great blessing to find one’s other half. It’s a greater blessing to merit sharing decades with that individual. Yet, a working relationship requires unequal exertion from both partners.“[T]he traditional Jewish ketubah is all about the husband’s obligations to his wife, but there’s nothing in there about the wife’s obligations… men and women do not go into marriage on an equal footing… a man’s commitment to marriage doesn’t weigh up to a woman’s” (Freeman).

The same, teachers have different responsibilities to The Klan than do their students. As well, both religious and military leaders have burdens disparate from those of their followers. Retirement from select social roles does not relieve players from former responsibility. Mentors might no longer be lecturing, leading services, or commanding platoons, but we remain socially indebted. Prior, someone or, more accurately, some groups of someones, had enabled us to guide others. Stepping down does not entirely discount that responsibility.

For all intents and purpose, it’s beneficial to our inner selves for us to remain mindful of any losses in magnanimity that we incur concommitant to getting on in years and to do our best to combat them. Sure, at times, it’s difficult to do so.

It’s assumed that as we “mature,’’ we’ll lose things. It’s inconvenient to leave behind material goods but it’s worse to suffer any deterioration of our humanity. Electronic finders might be of assistance in pinpointing our vehicles, but it’s supernal locators that will empower us to return to our sacred actions.

Sources:

Conte, Annmarie. “Ask Wirecutter: Can You Help My Spouse Stop Misplacing Everything?” The New York Times. 3 May 2023. nytimes.com/wirecutter/blog/ask-wirecutter-lost-items. Accessed 29 Jul. 2024.

Freeman, Tzvi. “Why is Jewish Marriage so One-Sided?” Chabad.org. chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/536920/jewish/Why-Is-Jewish-Marriage-So-One-Sided.htm. Accessed 29 Jul. 2024.

Katz, Rabbi Shlomo. “Learning How to Look at the Land of Israel.” “The Soul of Israel.” The Land of Israel Network. 14 Jun. 2017. thelandofisrael.com/view/1132. Accessed 22 Sep. 2023.