Through the Eyes of a Child

Dear Child,

I know your world has just been turned upside down. I know that you feel sad and angry at the world and at G-d. Everything that you’ve been used to, everything you’ve grown up with has now come to a crashing and abrupt halt. The raised voices, the slamming doors, the nonstop fighting and cutting words. These have been the realities with which you have been living with, while feeling scared, helpless and hopeless, wondering if the day would ever come when there could be peace in your home.

Maybe you’ve seen violence against your mother. Maybe you’ve experienced it first hand. And now, within your four walls, lies a stillness and an uneasy calm that makes you cry yourself to sleep at night. You feel guilty. Like it was your fault. Like if only you had been a better behaved boy or girl, none of this would have happened. If only you did your chores and your homework when asked the first time, Mommy and Daddy would still be living together in the same house. At school, your mind is constantly moving and jumbled, making it hard for you to concentrate. The teachers are losing patience with you and constantly calling meetings about your behavior problems. You feel all alone. I know you do. When you go to your best friend’s house and see their mommy and daddy laughing and joking around together, you feel like your poor little heart has been ripped out of its’ socket as you ask yourself “Why can’t my Mommy and Daddy be happy like this?”

Dear child, your world has just been turned upside down, but it’s not your fault. Do you hear me? IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. There is nothing that you could have or should have done differently or better. Your Mommy and Daddy may have stopped loving each other and they may be unable to live under the same roof, but that in no way, shape or form means that you’re unlovable. This is their issue, not yours. If one of them left the house without so much as a goodbye, the kind of pain you’re feeling must be near unbearable. But please try and remember that you weren’t the reason they left. You are aching now and you wish they could just stop the fighting and get back together, but that is probably not the best choice. You deserve to live a peaceful life. You deserve to have at least one and preferably two healthy parents who can teach and guide you through your childhood, your teenage years and your adult years. It will definitely take time for you to heal from all this. Every feeling you have right now is ok and normal. Find someone close to share them with. A good cry often helps. But please know that it won’t always hurt this much.

One day, when you’re older, you’ll think back to this time and you’ll very likely realize that it was all for the best.

With Love,

From a Grownup who understands you.

About the Author
Cigal Gabay is a trained school counselor and a family therapist who's starting to see divorcees and their children in therapy. Her world's greatest passion is helping people heal and become their best selves.