The final scene of a Hollywood blockbuster: the insatiable lovers join in matrimony and spend forever-after simply indulging in their ageless bodies, their kindled passion and some stardust… Unfortunately, real life can sometimes invite a slightly different scenario.
To touch on the halachic end of it, the Rambam can be quoted stating that ‘A man’s wife is permitted to him’ (Beit Shmuel, 25). Therefore, a man may do whatever he and his better half desire. They may engage in relations whenever they wish — kiss, caress or anything their hearts desire! Nevertheless, it is pious conduct for a person not to act frivolously concerning such matters and to sanctify himself at the time of relations, as explained in Hilchot Deot.
(In Hilchot Deot, ch. 3, the Rambam elaborates on the concept that all of a person’s actions, even his sexual conduct, must be for the sake of heaven. In Chapter 5, Halachot 4-5, the Rambam elaborates on refined habits of sexual conduct.)
Given the seal of halachic approval, one may ask himself: am I content in my dyad? Would my marriage benefit from some TLC? The answer is: Of course it will.
Read on these suggestions for a more satisfying party of deux:
- Don’t be a prude. Basing your sexual relationship on the old routine and stopping taking chances may turn it old and stale. Toy with each other, be extravagant and daring, and take it to the edge. Remember, trust is the advantage of a relationship.
- Don’t rush. An immediate storming over the erogenous zones is never a good tactic. Take it slow, ask for directions if needed and follow the right pace.
- The largest sexual organ is — skin! A simple caress, especially not involving erogenous zones, will confirm your affection and get you closer.
- Before starting any sexual exploration, consult your wife regarding comfort level with the specific sexual avenue. Take into consideration that people might have had negative or traumatic sexual experiences in the past; Better safe than sorry.
- Be attentive and loving: If a physical illness can be cured by the power of touch, your aching intimacy could definitely benefit from it. Run your fingers through her hair, caress his body and softly kiss regularly. Keeping things fresh is of the utmost importance to a healthy religious marriage.