Tova’s Bench
Sunday, July 27th comes out during the Nine Days this year, traditionally a very sad time for the Jewish people.
But I don’t need the Nine Days to be sad this year.
You see, July 27th would have been the 38th birthday of our daughter Tova, of blessed memory. She loved celebrating birthdays – other people’s birthdays mostly … but also her own. No doubt this day will trigger much grief about our loss, and what could have been, along with some other wonderful memories of our daughter.
One of the many daily reminders we have of the short but meaningful life our daughter led is particularly special to us. We live directly across a park – a place where Tova spent many afternoons and weekends while she was a youngster and later as a young adult, and where many of our friends hang out on Shabbat afternoon during those long summer Saturdays. And there’s a park bench dedicated in her memory, which both Sharon and I get to see every day as we make our way out to the main road. It’s a wonderful reminder of Tova … and we get tremendous pleasure seeing people using the park bench. We use it, too, when we take a walk to the park on Shabbat afternoon.
What’s the story behind the bench? One of our neighbors knew that the Shabbat park could use an extra bench when the City of Stamford was remodeling the park about a year ago. She connected with a close friend of Tova, and with our permission and blessing spearheaded a campaign to raise the money necessary to dedicate a park bench in memory of our daughter. Not only did they raise the necessary funds in a matter of three days, but they also ended up doubling the amount collected (the extra money was donated to Jump Start, an early intervention special education program for preschool students where Tova was a teacher).
Why is a park bench such a meaningful tribute to a loved one? Why does our family get so much pleasure out of this memorial?
I think there are several reasons:
- It’s a place for reflection: It offers a physical space where family, friends, and even strangers can sit, rest, relax, and reflect — creating a quiet moment of peace in nature that mirrors the contemplative experience of remembering someone special.
- It provides an everyday connection: Unlike memorials that may feel distant or formal, a bench is part of daily life. People can visit often, bringing their memories into the rhythm of their routine walks or their time outdoors.
- It possesses longevity and presence: A well-made bench can last for decades, serving as a lasting tribute to the departed. The plaque or inscription keeps their name and memory alive in a tangible and public way.
- It’s a gift for the entire community: It’s not just for the family of a loved one — it also serves the entire public. Others can enjoy the comfort and serenity that the bench provides, which can parallel the kindness and generosity of a loved one.
- It’s a beautiful backdrop to nature: Set in a park or natural setting, the bench connects your loved one’s memory to the beauty and renewal of the outdoors — a gentle reminder that life continues, even as we honor those who have passed.
- It’s personal: The inscription on a plaque allows for something uniquely meaningful — whether it’s a quote, a line from a favorite poem, or simply the name and dates of birth and death. The plaque becomes a story itself, etched into the landscape of the park.
I did a little research and found out that there are several celebrities and other notable people who have had park benches dedicated to their memory.
Robin Williams has a bench dedicated in his memory in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, likely because of the clip in the movie Good Will Hunting, which famously features a heartfelt park bench scene.
Princess Diana has a bench dedicated in her memory at Kensington Gardens in London, directly across from the Diana Memorial Garden.
John Lennon has several benches dedicated in his memory in the Strawberry Fields section of Central Park near 72nd Street. Dozens of benches in the area surrounding the Imagine mosaic have plaques honoring Lennon, which were donated by fans. Some are dedicated specifically to Lennon, others were dedicated in his memory with personal quotes.
And Fred Rogers has several benches dedicated in his memory in North Shore Riverfront Park in Pittsburgh. There is a full statue of Rogers as the centerpiece, and the surrounding park benches offer a place to sit and reflect on his legacy of kindness and care.
So … we will continue to mourn for our daughter, while watching the many people who utilize the park bench that has been dedicated in Tova’s memory. And we will smile.
If you ever visit Barrett Park in Stamford, please stop by and sit on the bench. And reflect on the short but very special life of our precious daughter, Tova Feldstein.