Tu B’Shevat and Marriage: All About Roots

What does the observance of the Jewish holiday of Tu B’Shevat, the 15th day of the month of Shevat, and the topic of Happy Marriages share in common? If you guessed the emphasis on building strong foundations for future endurance you would be correct.

AN UNUSUAL CUSTOM

In a prior blog entitled Three Historic Events – Our Defining Moments, I cited the Talmud in Gitten Chapter 57a, and a custom dating back to Roman times in the community of Betar that when a baby boy was born, they planted a cedar tree and when a baby girl was born, they planted a pine tree. When a boy and girl wed, the people would cut down their trees and make the wedding canopy out of the wood.

The blog further amplified the custom referencing a fascinating article entitled Everlasting Happiness by Rabbi Yehudah Prero. The author states “The use of these trees by the wedding was a way of expressing the wish that the union of bride and groom should be strong, like cedars. This marriage should create a legacy for generations, resulting in an “an everlasting house in Israel.”

OTHER ANALOGIES

Other analogies further complement the comparisons of Tu B’Shevat and Happy Marriages and focus on the following:

Growth and Support

Tu B’Shevat: the holiday commemorates the growth and renewal of trees marking the commencement of their New Year for Trees.

Happy Marriages: Healthy Marriages require planting the right combination of seeds for growth and renewal in the form of gaining communication and conflict resolution skills essential for couples getting the right start in their journey.

Harmonizing Nature

Tu B’Shevat: the holiday marks the start of the cycle of growth and harmonizing with nature for enhancing the blooming process after the winter season.

Happy Marriages: Healthy Marriages emphasize learning how to harmonize and for two to become one in a way which brings out the reciprocity of giving to each other using each one’s love language.

Celebrating Tradition

Tu B’Shevat: the holiday has deep traditional Jewish roots focusing on the digging into the proper soil of the earth dating back to biblical times.

Happy Marriages: Healthy Marriages are given a proper sendoff at the wedding ceremony with the recitation of the Sheva Brachot and especially the prayer “to build a Bayis Ne’eman B’Yisroel, an everlasting house in Israel” which encompasses a house built on mutual respect, commitment, and unwavering devotion to each other.

Overcoming Trials and Tribulations

Tu B’Shevat: the holiday carries the hopes that the elements of nature will withstand what can be the vicissitudes of inclement weather challenges and continue to thrive and blossom.

Happy Marriages: Healthy Marriages require learning the three B’s of Marriage: the Benefits, the Benchmarks and the Behaviors and learning how to talk without fighting and emerge with conviction for a stronger and more resilient marriage over time.

And lastly:

Enjoying the Fruits of our Labor

Tu B’Shevat: the holiday is celebrated  with eating fruit, particularly from the kinds that are singled out by the Torah in its praise of the bounty of the Holy Land: grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives and dates. 

Happy Marriages: Healthy Marriages require investment and continued watering and nurturing in the spirit of teamwork and partnership and the potential of sewing generational legacies bearing the fruits of the labor.

Roots are Everlasting

As seen above, the rewards for investment whether in the form of tree planting or starting married life with the proper attitude and commitment and resolve have the potential for reaping tremendous rewards which can be generational. There is always an excitement which accompanies new beginnings whether they be in the form of trees or marriages – but without the commitment to sustaining them, they can be subject to withering and severance.

Building Proper Foundations

We owe it to ourselves and to our children to encourage and support initiatives which will support the creation of healthy and happy marriages, with all the economic and social advantages that such households can have in strengthening Jewish societies and reverberating to the international arenas.

Partners are the Key to Success

Just as in the case of the trees and the time and commitment to planting and nourishing its growth, establishing solid foundations for healthy and happy marriages  take a concerted commitment on the part of parents, grandparents, educators, rabbis and rebbetzins, chatan and kallah teachers, mental health and business professionals  and government and legislation officials working in concert to mobilize and foster the culture and the environment to ensure the education is realized.

Our amuta Together in Happiness/B’Yachad B’Osher is dedicated to providing resources for supporting happy and healthy marriages from their inception which are intended to last and carry our traditions into the next generations.  We have invited partners to share the dreams and reached out to couples to take advantage of our initiatives.

WE OWE IT TO THE NEXT GENERATION

The necessity for a concerted effort to promote Marriage Education and Enrichment initiatives especially for engaged and newlywed couples is critical for building durable and lasting marriages capable of withstanding the challenges which various stages of marriage endures.

Celebrations such as Tu B’Shevat creates an impetus for examination of what Jewish society can do for setting down roots for our survival. Just as we need forests that can withstand nature, we need couples to learn tools and skills for withstanding bumps and crises which in recent days have been overwhelming and caused strife and tension beyond imagination.

We invite all to peruse our website and join the marriage education and enrichment movement for establishing and sustaining the “everlasting house in Israel.” The link is www.together-in-happiness.com

We invite you to share our vision for a society where love and harmony and unity prevail and just like the saplings planted in conjunction with this year’s celebration of Tu B’Shevat, we can all celebrate generations of Jewish families whose roots will bear fruit until redemption and beyond.

Happy Tu B’Shevat