Two Firsts: A Book and a Walker

What a strange day. On the same day—a few days shy of 50 (when apparently ‘life starts’—whoever made that up)—I will notch up two notable firsts. I have written and published my first book, and I have just received from DHL a walker because I am no longer able to walk unaided.

It represents two incredible contrasts, but I don’t have the time or temperament to complain, nor does it do any good, so I am going to focus only on the upsides and positives.

The Book

In my recently put-together bucket list is a book. I love writing and have been bombarding people with blogs right, left, and center. It is my therapy as I cope with the diagnosis of PSP (see previous post here). It is my way to communicate how I feel, and it provides meaning to me as I am able to help, at least a few, people with challenges that are no less weighty and often far tougher than my own (although I accept mine is no minor).

I didn’t plan on a book, however, because I didn’t believe I had the time, patience, and, to be honest, the content for one. Additionally, some of the tasks like proofreading (as anyone who reads my book will sadly realize) are not my top skills.

On reflection, however, I looked at the blogs I have written on this site and felt there was a certain coherence to a number of them. So, I went ahead and put them together into this attached eBook called Hope in Midst of Sorrow  (which you can access by clicking on the photo or the book title).

It speaks to my hopes for the Jewish People as a resilient and united people, tolerant of all its branches, and with a strong positive moral voice with and to the world. Additionally, it shows bravery and heroism in its midst, as shown by the tributes to Eliav Abitbul and Daniel Perez.

It also contains some of the supposed humorous tales as a religious person traveling the world that I wanted to add as a light touch to otherwise tough topics.

For me, it is a sign that despite the onset of the physical conditions of PSP, my mind is still working actively, and for this, I am genuinely very grateful. This is so important, and I would also like my children and those around me to remember this as and when PSP takes this strength from me.

One aside – I am distributing the book for free but is dedicating it in the memory of the late neurologist, Prof. Nir Giladi. I am doing this in conjunction with Tel Aviv Medical Center. Donations can be made here.

The Walker

DHL has just delivered it from the US. It is a top-range Parkinson’s/PSP model made for people like me who are 6 foot 5 inches, but despite all the marketing spin, it is a walker, and I am genuinely freaked out about taking it for a spin.

I know—and you know—that all the logical arguments in the world (and I have the full list) do not change the fact that at under 50, having to be reliant on a walker is not ideal.

However, I fell twice in the last two days, and I genuinely put myself at risk every time I get up because my balance is so bad. I have to adapt and take precautions to avoid an obvious and horrendous own goal.

So, I am going to assemble it and then probably debate using it for the next few hours and then possibly take my first tentative steps.

Wish me luck, and please don’t comment on how cool it is—because who is kidding who!

Today, I choose to be satisfied that I have written content worthy of what, at least to pretend, is a book, and that I have acted positively regarding preventing myself from falling.

Onwards and upwards—and hopefully not downwards.