Unity in this Moment

– “If we moved our soldiers out now and released dangerous people and then tried to move them back in in the future, we’d lose so many soldiers. It would be a disaster. We’d equal the number of hostages we traded for.”

-“We are fighting to return our citizens. It is heartbreaking that that fight might cost the lives of our soldiers – our sons and daughters – but we can’t have our family members stolen into Gaza and then not use every means possible to get them back. Diplomatic or military.”

-“On top of the pain, my children cannot go to school. I have to cancel work. The strikes are tearing our country apart and playing right into Hamas’ hands”

 –“I feel a sense of hopelessness as a citizen of Israel. But I remind myself that we are still a democracy, and it remains my right — I the one power I have as a citizen – to peacefully raise my voice to demand leaders that represent my values. This is what makes us different from Hamas”

We hear the calls for unity. They usually come in the form of a plea for the other to stand down. For the protestors to disperse, for those in the government to relinquish power. They are the result of fear and anger – a conviction that we hold some piece of truth, and that acting against that would be disastrous for us. It makes sense then, the desperation behind this plea. If the other doesn’t change, we will be dragged down with them. They must come to see our way of thinking, they must agree in order for us to be safe.

It is a familiar dynamic in close relationships. The desire to have a meeting of the minds, to act from a place of oneness with those close to us is powerful. The discomfort of feeling strong disagreement with our loved ones, family, or community is intolerable for most people. Who among us has not felt that way at some point with our partner, friends, or family? It is a visceral need to be heard, understood, and protected. This is the feeling we have within ourselves as a small people – a large family – and now amplified as we feel under siege.

 But what happens at home when we insist strongly on the correctness of our positions? When we try to suppress or dismantle or argue into submission the others’ view? Resentment, disconnection. We actually grow further from each other the harder we work to convince or win the argument. Disunity is the result of us shouting our truth so loudly that we leave no space for listening. Disunity comes from being so sure that our version is the Truth, that we cannot honor the 70 faces of Truth reflected in the experiences of those living different realities than us.

Yes, we need to use our voice to speak our reality and beliefs, but it is incumbent on us and the others to listen. To deeply listen. Without the need to respond or convince or bring the other to our view. To listen in order to understand. With the recognition that each of us holds a small piece of truth – that of our own personal experience – and that listening provides us a glimpse of the world and truth of another. 

Unity comes not from agreement, but from alignment on fundamental values. It is a state of oneness which results from shared values, purpose and aspirations irrespective of the cultural, economic, religious or any other identity while recognizing diversity of thought and opinion.

 In every society there are those who weaponize the idea of unity to try and force conformity. The litmus test for whether someone is committed to unity is whether they can be tolerant and even curious toward the diversity of thought, to listen in order to understand. In the course of our listening, we will encounter many who share our fundamental beliefs but differ in their view of how to achieve them. These are our friends and allies against those who wipe our value system off the earth if they could. There are also those who are not aligned with the core principles of the nation, and it is necessary and right to identify those values in opposition to what we as a society stand for, and limit their power and spread. 

 On what do we as a society agree? 

• We need to be able to live in safety, without fear for our lives or the lives of our children. 
• That Israel needs to continue to provide a safe space for Jews. 
• Each of us want a say in how our country runs, and to be allowed to determine the direction of our own lives. 
• Saving the lives of the hostages and giving the deceased there proper burials should be a priority for our country. 
• We want a better future for our children and grandchildren.

The difficulties ahead of us seem insurmountable, but there is alignment.  We are fighting a foe that opposes every one of these core values. Achieving unity begins with each of us when we shift our stance from convincing to that of deep, respectful listening. When we honor differences in thought and experience as reflections of our shared deep commitment to a better tomorrow for our people, and when we recognize the threads that bind us, our internal change will be reflected in a shift in the nation, our choices, and our future.