Valentine Sexuality with a Goddess Wife

Some men feel they are blessed because the women they marry are gifts from God. I know I feel this way. Not all loving relationships are arranged in heaven; but if you are in one of them you should thank God. I do.

At first I thought it was just love that made our relationship so great. But as the years passed (we married in 1966) I realized more and more that my wife is a gift from God. Since I am a Rabbi, it is not surprising that I think about life in religious terms. I am also a student and teacher of Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) so I often use Kabbalistic concepts to explore and understand one of the most profound of life’s personal experiences.

Although I thank God for my wife every day, it is when we make love that I feel closest to her and to God. Rabbi Israel Ba’al Shem Tov, the founder of the Hassidic movement, said (in Zava’at ha-Riva’sh), “Prayer is intercourse with the Shekeenah” (the feminine presence of God).

I would add that intercourse with a God given Shekeenah-wife is a divine service because one is always aware of God’s presence and blessing. As Rabbi Akiba taught, “Husband and wife: if they are worthy, Shekeenah abides between them; if not, fire consumes them.” (Talmud: Sotah 17a)

Most Jews know that sexual activities between a husband and wife are a Mitsvah- a Jewish responsibility. Many Jews know that lovemaking on Shabbat is a double Mitsvah. Some Jews know that the Kabbalah (the Jewish mystical tradition) teaches that the Shekeenah (the feminine presence of God) rests on a Jewish man when he makes love to his Jewish wife on Shabbat.

Very few Jews know that Jewish couples who make love with an awareness that the Shekeenah is present through the wife’s love and the husbands reverence; can repair fractured hopes and intentions in those close to them; thus helping to elevate broken spirits both near and far.

This is called a Tikun-a spiritual repair. This Tikun also enhances the spiritual bonds of their own marriage. As Rabbi Shim’on teaches in the Zohar (2:46a) “Then (in the early morning hours) a woman unites with her husband, conversing with him, and entering his palace. As morning approaches, Kenneset Israel (Shekeenah-wife) comes and converses with the Holy One (Tifferet-Yesod-husband) and he extends to her a scepter of love (phallus), not over her alone, but over her and over all those participating with her.”

This refers to all Jewish couples that engage in late night/early morning love making with the holy intention of unifying their spiritual sexual commitment to each other. Each time they enact this Tikun helps repair or elevate another relationship that is a participating part of the couple’s, especially the wife’s, relationships.

When I make love with my wife, I always do so with the awareness of the Jewish mystical teaching about the Shekeenah- the feminine presence of God resting upon a man who makes love to his wife on Shabbat. Actually the Shekeenah can rest on a man whenever he makes love to his wife with a sense of reverence, tenderness, adoration and love. Shabbat adds holiness and chosenness to their feelings.

The key attitude for each husband is the feeling that my wife is God’s gift, the source of my blessings, and a most wonderful manifestation of God’s holy presence in my life.

If, in addition to this attitude, a man also makes love to his wife with the intention of unifying the heavenly realm as he unifies the earthly one, he and his wife enact a great Tikun- a spiritual mending or uplifting which can also affect other people.

This Tikun is woven together with similar Tikunim from other married couples into a crown for the Holy One who also unites with His Shekeenah on Shabbat and Yom Tov-Jewish holy days. Just as the prayers proclaimed in each Synagogue are woven into a crown for the Holy One of Israel, so too are the holy unifications (Tikunim) of each married couple woven into a crown.

The active intention of the husband is required to start the Tikun process, although it is the Shekeenah wife who provides the transforming energy. As the Zohar says, “A male desiring to cling to a female emits a seed of anointing (his holy intention) from the top of his brain into his phallus; it pours into the female who thus conceives. Thus, every smooth member of his body joins the female, and the female embraces all.” (2:86a)

A Shekeenah wife embodies and radiates joyful holiness to others, elevating and inspiring them over time.

In the past the esoteric details of how to elevate their lovemaking into a Tikun were transmitted orally from mother to daughter. We are the first generation to live in a world that is being transformed by gender equality.

The 2,500 year old prophecy of Jeremiah is being fulfilled before our eyes. “God will create a new thing on the earth- females will surround males.” (Jeremiah 31:22) Now that female Rabbis are all around us, these details based on the seventh chapter of the Song of Songs, a Biblical book that Rabbi Akiba proclaimed the holiest song in the entire Scriptures, can be revealed and understood.

A wife who desires to enable her husband to fulfill the Mitsvah of Tikun coupling should direct him to begin by kissing and creaming her feet (Song of Songs 7:2). Then she should direct him to slowly and reverently work his way up to her crowning flowing hair that entangles a King/God/husband, (7:6) thus allowing him to climb the palm tree (7:9) and perform the unification below which is woven into the unification above.

Over the years the spiritual uplift of this Tikun becomes greater and greater. Chapter 4 in my book God, Sex and Kabbalah will provide helpful perspectives.

The fourth of the seven wedding blessings (the central one) uses the verb for making a Tikun to proclaim that God has made mankind in the Divine image, which enables us through coupling together to build families and crowns that become everlasting structures for all future generations. The following blessings proclaim that this coupling also will make for better families, and help bring closer the joy and happiness of the Messianic Age.

Thus Judaism sees marriage not simply as a personal expression of love, but as a way in which our love as a couple will help to make the world a little better place for future generations. Also, couple love is a spiritual enhancement of the Divine presence. A way to feel the presence of the Divine in your personal life and to radiate it to those around you.

As I said most Jews know it is a Mitsvah to make love to your wife on Shabbat. However, very few Jews know that the holy Kabbalist, Rabbi Isaac Luria (1534-1572), developed several Tikunim to enable spiritually aware Jewish couples to repair fractured hopes and intentions in those around them, to elevate broken spirits both near and far, and to re-energize efforts to make life holy through a couple’s own lovemaking at night.

These Tikunim are among those referred to as Tikunay Hatzot-mid night spiritual exercises. Exactly how personal private Tikunim are able to effect other people and situations is inexplicable, yet with patience, hope and trust many impossible situations get resolved.

Every Jewish wife partakes of some aspects of Leah and some aspects of Rachel. Like Leah, every woman is potentially very fruitful, both emotionally and physically. Like Rachel, every woman is potentially spellbinding and enthralling.

When her husband regards his wife as a gift from God and loves her totally, faithfully and submissively (egolessly), his lovemaking and partnership being more to give her pleasure than for his own pleasure, he realizes and actualizes her blessings and God’s blessings. This is especially important when stress makes her weep openly or inside. All forms of Tikun Hatzot stress this.

Sexual activity prior to midnight increases the aspect of Leah. Sexual activity after midnight and in the pre-dawn or early morning hours increases the aspect of Rachel. Sexual intercourse with Leah, better known in Lurianic Kabbalah as the face of Imma, the great mother Goddess, helps to reduce negative actions and situations in family and personal affairs.

Sexual intercourse during the second part of the night is with Rachel who ascends in the morning as Matronita, the ruling presence of Shekinah. Elevating Matronita helps avoid the worst case public scenarios we fear and helps increases the number of small but important contributions to the improvement of Jewish and world society. One who regards his wife as a gift from God will pray in her intimate presence.

These Tikunim should be done every Shabbat for as Rabbi Judah ben Yakar (C.1200) said, “Our Mitsvah of marital coupling is derived from what the Holy One said to Shabbat, -the community of Israel will be your mate-” Thus Israel sanctifies the Shabbat, and a Jewish husband sanctifies his Jewish wife.

If they desire, he should also adore his wife at least once or twice during the weekdays. These Tikunim are not magic, but if done faithfully they always have a positive impact over time. A Hassidic mystic, Rabbi Nathan Hanover, adds, “After you perform Tikun Hatzot, prepare yourself and unify the Holy One with Shekeenah by making your body, each and every limb, a chariot for Shekeenah.”

Thus sexual activity should end with the wife above, feeling she is Shekeenah-the ruling Matronita blessing her husband and rising to heaven, with her husband below her feeling that he serves as a mystical Merkavah-chariot (as did the Holy Temple in Jerusalem) elevating her to the heavens. This helps actualize their thoughts and desires and promotes remedies, rectifications, and blessings for those around them and throughout the world.

Rabbi Ezra ben Solomon of Gerona, a student of Isaac the blind, in his commentary on Song of Songs, identifies the male lover with the sixth Sifirah (Tifferet) and his (female) lover with the tenth Sifirah (Malkhut/Shekeenah)

If, in addition to this attitude, a man also makes love to his wife with the intention of unifying the heavenly realm as he unifies the earthly one, he and his wife enact a great Tikun – a spiritual mending or uplifting which can also affect other people.

This Tikun is woven together with similar Tikunim from other married couples into a crown for the Holy One who also unites with His Shekeenah on Shabbat and Yom Tov-Jewish holy days. Just as the prayers proclaimed in each Synagogue are woven into a crown for the Holy One of Israel, so too are the holy unifications (Tikunim) of each married couple woven into a crown.

The active intention of the husband is required to start the Tikun process, although it is the Shekeenah wife who provides the transforming energy. As the Zohar says, “A male desiring to cling to a female emits a seed of anointing (his holy intention) from the top of his brain into his phallus; it pours into the female who thus conceives. Thus, every smooth member of his body joins the female, and the female embraces all.” (2:86a)

In the past the esoteric details of how to elevate their lovemaking into a Tikun were transmitted orally and very discretely from mother to daughter. We are the first generation to live in a world that is being transformed by gender equality.