Vayechi: Yosef’s Oath – Commitment

Making a commitment is paramount to any situation. God, choices, relationships, and commitments go hand in hand, and this is how it goes. People (even my six-year-old) have this deep and existential question: “Since Hashem knows and preordains everything, how do I even have the possibility of choice in my life?” First off, we must acknowledge that there have been many generations of believers before us who have had this same exact question and, with or without an answer, still continued to live and die with their faith. Secondly, the fact that there were many generations before us proves that we are sourced to a generation that didn’t just believe but also, intimately, knew of His existence as a matter of fact.

But for us believers in this distant generation, how do we come to grips with this question? The answer is: “The fact that we have choice is only because we believe in Him!” If you don’t believe, you don’t have Choice in your life. You must have a relationship with Him in order to even consider choosing between right and wrong; otherwise, there is no line between good and bad, since there is no definition of them. It is He who established the boundaries between what is pure and proper and what is impure and improper. So now that you have accepted His direction and the common sense that runs the world, you are bound to those rules.

So, the world is a game with rules. We don’t choose to play the game, as the Mishnah in Avot 4:22 states: “Forced you are conceived, forced you are born, forced you live, forced you die, and forced you are to be held accountable.” Once we realize that we operate within this set of rules, our actions become “choice-based.” Many throughout the generations, and even many nowadays, try to change the stream of common sense, but when you look deeper into their motives, you will find a thirst for power which goes hand in hand with a hatred and disgust toward a Higher Power. We are now left with one choice to make: “Should we commit to this relationship or fight it?”

A person with a job is in a relationship with it just as much. Bedtime and focus are a priority; hard work, diligence, competence, and loyalty are tantamount to having this continue. Even more so when the purpose of the job is to gain experience, then these traits are incumbent upon anyone who seeks success in life. Even the greatest villain looks to hire a successful and competent hitman. It requires commitment to the goal, and you can bet your bottom dollar that this commitment will be challenged. Your challenge will be different from other people’s challenges, since your commitment differs from theirs as well. Your wall will face the winds of where you choose to build it.

Once we accept that everything in life is a relationship, we come to see that even the smallest things fall into this category. For example, a person I know won’t walk into a certain store since the cashier didn’t give him the penny change he was owed. He took this simple little story and kept it alive before his eyes, and due to this, he will act upon this tiny episode for the coming future. His choices will be altered each time he needs a specific item that that store provides, and worse, he may even fill with rage when he hears the slightest mention of that establishment or the name of that cashier. This person is in a committed relationship with this penny, forever!

We have it when we choose to involve ourselves in futile arguments with loved ones or by taking traffic too seriously. We consume ourselves with things that should have been long gone in the past, and possibly even unnoticed, and run our choices through this corrupt file. And many times, these corrupted commitments become the driver of our vehicles, and we the passengers of their unchecked wrath.

There are a few more nuances to commitments that we should discuss as well. For example, when we have conversations with people, we may find ourselves picking certain words they said and choose to make a fuss over them, or on the positive side, we can find the essence of their words and focus on it. These are mini commitments we make, but the impact can make the difference between peace and war. Think about it: when countries want to make peace, they sit down for “talks”; each word is weighed to make sure the deal is set in stone with clarity, and if even a slip of the tongue sounds derogatory, entire populations are in peril. The Torah and Gemara are designed the same way; each word has its rhyme and reason for its spelling, pronunciation, placement, and context, and when we commit to finding a personal connection to those words, we make changes to our laws and way of life.

But there’s more. We use the terms “committing a good deed,” “committing a crime,” or “committing a sin.” When a person has an urge to do something wrong, in essence, they are struggling with how to use their next few moments in time. What they will do next will implicate their future, for if they fail, this moment in time will potentially haunt them in the future. And vice versa: when we do good things with our time, we affect ourselves and the world around us with the goodness we added. That little extra scrolling and the images that our eyes record will pop up in our next tefillah, and will have a ripple effect on our next thoughts, words, and actions.

If we keep ourselves in a positive mindset and keep ourselves strong during urges, we will be fueled by one success onto the next, whereas we may spiral out of control if we falter and give in. Committing deeds means that we are establishing a path forward that is unknown, and we have to be very careful as to what future we are setting ourselves up for. We take the now and turn something passive into active, something that could’ve long been behind us and make it live on as a memory. It is our duty to keep ourselves pure, even just for the sake of being healthy physically and mentally.

So when I say that all we have is one choice in life, I mean the choice is to believe in Hashem and trust His ways. Committing to His belief means that we obey and follow His divine orders, which are sweet and peaceful, and trusting Him means accepting the world around us as part of His ultimate plan. It is our diligence, focus, hard work, competence, and loyalty to this relationship that will build our fortified wall. Yes, it will be challenged, much like the worker who has a late night and still must get up bright and early; so too will we be tested to see how true and committed we are to Him.

All this is the simple logic behind any belief system. It all depends on what we hold near and dear to us and how hard we are willing to work for it. What relationships are we willing to commit to, be it for a result or be it for the sake of giving? What relationships are we willing to fight for with all our might and accept sleepless nights for? And what relationships are we allowing to take control of our wheel, where we will become passengers to their flow on pleasant waters?

There are three levels to relationships: 1. Hashem, parents, and children. The ones forced upon us are the common-sensical ones. They are automatically part of our life whether we like them or not; it is now our choice how to live with them. I have seen it on my own, as have many told me, that once they had children, they can’t remember them not being part of their lives. It is as if they were always there, maybe hidden somewhere as a voice in the back of the mind. 2. Spouses and partnerships. We have a choice when it comes to committing to adding new people in our lives, and when we (say, I) do, they become integral parts of our day-to-day life. We choose to spend our time with them and make our lives theirs and theirs ours. The prospect of sharing experiences and growing through challenges makes it comparable to level 1, with only the slight exception that there is an off-ramp. 3. Everyone and everything else, which can today be here and tomorrow gone.

All relationships teach us lessons and values for life. We learn love through the experiences we have with objects, food, disputes with others, family, and so on. All of these loves are our gateway to understanding the underlying relationship that keeps us all together: Hashem, our One and True foundation. Since everything in this game is led by His rule, all we need to do is choose Him and follow the royal path in every relationship we commit to. Evaluate your priorities and see where you want to spend your time in life, set your commitments in stone, and live with them through winter’s storm and summer’s scorch.

Yaakov calls Yosef for a one-on-one meeting. 47:30-31: “And I shall lie with my fathers; carry me from Egypt and bury me in their burial… And he swore to him, and Yisrael (Yaakov) bowed to the head of the bed.” Rashi brings the Gemara in Shabbat 12b: “From here we learn that the Shechinah rests above the head of the sick.” He bowed to Hashem, since He is the core to all relationships and commitments.

Yosef just committed to his father that, come what may, and indeed it did (see Rashi 50:6 & Sotah 36b), he will do all that was asked of him. He forged a relationship by making it real and swearing on it. Yaakov knew he could rely on him (see Rashi 47:29) because Yosef was a man who lived by commitment and was a master at relationships, but even more. Throughout his life away from home, going through the turmoil and ultimately becoming king, he proved that he was a true master at his commitment to Hashem.

Shabbat Shalom

David Lemmer

LemmerHypnotherapy.com