Vayetzei: Awakening to Purpose

As we review the Torah again and again we see that each time we find another verse or story that speaks directly to us at that given moment. One year we get pulled into the story of Yaakov stealing the Brachot while another time we are engulfed in the words Hashem told him after the dream of the ladder. Each year we are in a different state emotionally and spiritually which makes other points stand out. And then there are areas that deal with the meta-physical, like describing the idea of the ladder, or going into detail over the nature of Bilaam’s donkey. We take the details of the story and make them the entire story. 

Much like when we have this co-worker we don’t like and naturally don’t agree with, or a classic sibling rivalry or classmates, we find small little things like the smirk on their face or the tone of their words that bother us about them. The actual story doesn’t really matter, it is the condescension that we are picking on and we create the story based on these things. As we go deeper into those details we realize that, were it just the story we were angry about we would find a way to resolve it fairly quickly, but once we snart nitpicking on the annoying nuances we find disturbing, it is then that we realize that the story we are in is actually way deeper and more complicated than the physical story itself.

As we start working on bettering ourselves and becoming the best version possible in every given situation, for example, we first start working on our biggest and noticeable flaws, at first we gain an awareness of the triggers that lead us into upheaval, slowly we start implementing a pattern within ourselves as not to be sucked into those destructive mood behaviors. As we progress we become better and better at our shortcomings and we start applying the same method of growth to other areas in our lives that aren’t so apparent to others. For example, we waste a lot of time throughout our day, or we tend to find ourselves falling through with our addictions etc. we gain an awareness of the things that bring us to those actions and we start working on ways to eliminate any irrational or destructive patterns. We start from what seems to be the biggest problems, but as we go deeper and seemingly deal with smaller problems, we realize how much harder, bigger and longer they actually are.

As we focus inward we become critical of ourselves. At first we were just simple robots roaming earth on a schedule set up for us by our parents and educators, and when we finally woke up to the voice of the questions in our heads, like, “What am I doing here?” That’s when we start taking control of our life. We start with the small stuff, like the things that are noticeable to others and slowly we graduate those problems and start working on those shortcomings that are only known to you and God. The nitty gritty areas in our personality that we so want to eradicate somehow live long beyond our will to change. We may even find ourselves upset at ourselves for not being able to conquer those demons, and every failure hurts much more deeply than if you were to fail with the little things at the start.

At the start we were experimenting to see if we could delay our anger for a few minutes, which eventually led us to distract it until we need it to be used again. When we first begin this work we are just trying to keep ourselves out of depression for another few minutes, and the victory of the day comes with every little advance. But as time goes on and we become better and better we start being critical of the deeper belief system within us and that’s where the actual fun begins. We understand that we are here on earth to live in the present moment and be the best version of ourselves in each moment. We create a full schedule around us so that we can actively be living instead of being led. We don’t want to be controlled by outsiders and especially not externals. We are done with the days when our parents told us what to do; we are all grown up now. But part of being grown up is holding ourselves accountable to the image we wish to become.

So as one digs deeper and deeper into the recesses of the mind and heart it is only natural that we start seeing the world in this way as well. Much like someone playing Candy Crush on their phone, it takes a few days until the game is processed in the mind as the new thinking pattern and from now on wherever they go and whatever they hear is analysed in this format. Everything becomes a pair of three, and we can even hear the sound of the game as we maneuver ourselves between cars on the road. The mind is fascinating, and it all depends on the pattern we are living in. What we have programmed our minds to look at will determine how we see things. If we choose to live a life of truth and deeper meaning we will be stopped in our tracks even when we see a bug crawling on the floor. We will wonder about its Creator and its duty here on earth.

This is what happens with us each time we come back around the cycle of the Parshiot. Each year we upgrade ourselves with the knowledge and experiences of the last year/s. We learn how to observe our thoughts and become thoughtful and responsible with our time. We start questioning our personal questions within the story of Yaakov and read the words in the next verses to find our answer and meaning. The ladder we climb has many levels, and although we need to step on the first rung in order to make it to the next, it is a matter of discipline to keep ourselves from falling back down. We need to remember the reason we started out in the first place and keep in mind where we’re headed to, and along the way we learn that the only thing that matters is if we put our foot onto the next step or not.

We are constantly striving to live with a higher consciousness, to always know what our purpose is and to not get pulled down by our fears, doubts and shame. The goal is to be able to live ever presently in the current moment, always doing what is right and best for us and the world. We aren’t looking to find the escape hatch in order to bail from this life, just the opposite, we work our entire life so that when that time comes we are prepared to live in the present moment in heaven. We need a lifetime of training to be content in the moment we are in and use it productively with reward for the world to come. Using our time wisely, spending it learning Torah and doing Mitzvot teaches us to be in a constant state of continuous kindness and goodness. 

And that’s why when Yaakov wakes up from his dream he says, “It is true that Hashem exists in this place, and I did not know.” He understood that it does not matter where we find ourselves since Hashem, the Omni-Present, is everywhere at every time and all that is for man on this earth is to learn how to take the next step in life with this knowledge. It is when we are far from home that we understand that home is exactly where we are right now.

David Lemmer is an Orthodox Jewish Writer and Hypnotherapist. He can be reached at LemmerHypno@gmail.com