Vayishlach: The Roadmap
There are many steps as we work our way to becoming Tzaddikim. Step one is goal setting. Much like coming up with a concept for a business, our goals cannot be defined by a certain amount of clients or cash in the bank; it has to be, as the Mishnah in Avot 5:16 puts it, “a love that is not dependent on a thing.” The goal we set isn’t just that we should overcome our weaknesses or shortcomings; it has to be so large that people would say that you’re crazy for even trying. Many successful people would tell you that they emulate certain ‘greats’ of the past, not promising to become just like them, but at least they won’t stop trying.
Step two is gaining awareness. We’ve written many pages on this topic alone, for it is crucial for a person to move forward and not be held back by anything. Awareness, in a nutshell, is this: imagine a business where the founder has a vision for success but still finds himself years later telling the idea to people without any proof of concept. The simple question would be, “Have you taken any steps to make it happen?” But even if the answer is yes, there would still be a strong question: “Why haven’t you produced any progress?” It is at this moment that the visionary has to identify the things holding the dream back from realization. He has to evaluate each component of the technical structure—from the goal itself, through the enforced actions, the hired employees, etc.—all the way to his current status—and see what has to be removed or implemented and who has to be replaced or changed.
This is the simple step of awareness: identifying the strengths and weaknesses of the operation, rooting out the corruption, and establishing a mindset of progression. In our subject: growth, our goal is pretty clear, but the lack of progress keeps us believing that we are moving forward while in essence we become stagnant humans who grind water all day. When we find ourselves here it is high time to evaluate our goal, acknowledge the reason for our dedication to it, rid ourselves of the things holding us back, and step into the next phase of obsessing over our success. Removing those who hold us back can come in many forms—some in human form, some in spiritual form. Our shame, guilt, addiction, procrastinating tendencies, abandonment issues, just to name a few, are our spiritual setbacks. And of course we have people in our life who are worthy on their own merits, but we’ve come to realize that they hinder our progress.
There is more to this when we look on the positive side as well. There is much that goes into recognizing our strengths, talents, and skills, since when we know them well we can perform much better in the areas we are capable of performing in, and we can delegate and communicate our needs to those who have the ability, knowledge, and skill in areas we are yet to be proficient in or lack motivation to learn. A level of honesty kicks in as we admit to our functions and don’t hope and wish for anything else, since we can fill a 25-hour day and still need more time just to use the tools we were given. This honesty acts as our biggest strength, but albeit, it is the foundation of our humility.
We have our goal and have set our eyes on being Mashiach, and we also know that we don’t have to become him, but we won’t stop trying. We realize that in order to be that great person we have to let go of comforts and pleasures that haven’t catered to our true desires; rather, they plunged us deeply into “God knows where.” But when success doesn’t come instantly, our thirst for comfort comes banging and offers instant relief with something transient and fleeting—much like the business owner who wishes to grow and do only big jobs yet allows himself to accept smaller jobs that he hates doing just to feel accomplished. But we already know that such pleasures bring us “short-term pleasure with never-ending grief.” The time to move on asks us to find success not in “things” but rather in each little step toward the goal.
This awareness spans multiple areas of our life, notably in our actions, words, and thoughts. Our goal is to follow the words of the Torah and be complete in adhering to its direction and guidance, so at first we notice the actions we are doing and what we must stop and do instead. This is the easy step since actions take more time to execute, so naturally we can stop ourselves in our tracks. But when it comes to words we have to become ninjas, since there are many instances where, by the time we realize that we messed up, we are in cleanup mode instead of in active avoidance. On the other hand, though, there is no better motivator to become better than having to apologize and correct our wrongs, and since we are already dabbling in humility, such episodes are opportunities for betterment.
And then come the thoughts. Thoughts in our minds travel down the spiral staircase to our hearts and translate into feelings, which then control our moods, which ultimately drive our behavior. And even though we have taken ourselves out of the destructive actions and word patterns, if we aren’t masters of our moods (Ruach), we will be possessed by them and act by their will, despite our true and holy desires. Imagine your will to become the greatest Tzaddik is a purchase order to a vendor, but when filling out the order sheet the bank called that your account was overdrawn, so now, without realizing it, you wrote down all of your anger on the form and sent it in to the company. What do you think will be in the box when it is shipped out to you? We may have great dreams, but if they don’t travel down to the heart because we aren’t masters of our thoughts, we will be served a hot bowl of year-old leftovers to the face!
Becoming aware of our every thought is a challenging feat, but it isn’t impossible. Start slowly by being aware of your actions, then words, and the awareness of thoughts will organically come about. You will be able to hear your mind’s voice, and when negative or shameful thoughts arise you will learn to be swift and switch them to positive. Those thoughts are unrelenting, but the power of success is one that cannot be denied. Once we set our micro-goal to be quicker than our actions, words, and thoughts, and flip them around to good, we start feeling a great satisfactory pleasure, and we just know that if we continue down this path we will get to reach even sweeter feelings at much higher and greater levels.
This is where step three comes in, the level of Zrizut. Quickness and swiftness is the tool to use once we have identified the weaknesses and are aware of them. We must keep the goal before our minds at all times and tell all that holds us back to go fish. Those unrelenting thoughts will try to overtake our essence at any given time, especially in the holy times. At this point everything that is intimate and holy becomes the target of our inner devil. We have finally reached a level of success, which means that we are progressing into heights we once thought were for “the special ones,” and every memory that has the ability to tell us that we aren’t special will try to tear us down—so far that the universe tries convincing us that we actually aren’t special until we revert back to our ways of old.
It is now that people around us will see that we are devoted to our goal; some will admire us with respect, and those who have yet to start their trek will start burning with envy. Until now we had the internal struggles—those in our minds and those in our immediate circles—but now that we have learned to accept our reality and are ready to move on despite the past we led and those past struggles slowly become invalid as we are intent on forming a public reputation, those monsters start climbing out of their dense dens.
It is such an unfortunate reality that this is what we must face in order to progress, but the principles we used in earlier stages must remain steady within us. Those who are out to get us—be they our actions, words, or thoughts, be they people or the universe itself—will try to drown us in defense and keep us gasping for air. It is sad that their existence is spent so unwisely and foolishly, but as the wise say, “Without opposition you can’t win a race, let alone run it!” We must keep our goal before our eyes as King David states in Tehillim 16:8, “I have placed Hashem before me always…” We must not allow those losers to become winners by trampling over us, and all we have to do is thank Him for His kindness and mercy and pray that He saves us from their grasp, and we must keep trucking forward!
The challenge of honor is introduced as we climb to this level. Since we’ve worked hard to find success, and even if the success we are aiming for is one of much higher greatness, to many common folk we are way ahead of their simple dreams. They respect us for our diligence and honor us for being examples and living proof that success is attainable through hard work and persistence. They will use our names to teach their children to follow, and even if we may think that we are far from being that high and lofty example, to them we will be just that.
This challenge is one that must be nipped in the bud very early on, because tests of honor will be thrown our way very quickly. People will wait to see what you choose to do and how you choose to react, because they believe that our actions and words are weighed in proper and clear thought. The oh-so-clever devil in the mind will give us countless reasons to fight or say something from our higher position. The responsibility we shoulder now is much greater due to people following our lead and placing their trust on the successful one, and with just one simple word we can be reduced back to our early stages of growth. And how hard would it be to get back up from down there and face the world as they laugh at our attempt at another chance for greatness. All we must do is pray to Him that He saves us from his evil grasp.
This level is one of great importance, and it is where most successful people stop in their entire lifetime. They reach their peak levels of success and shut out the noise for as long as they can and hope to not lose what they have built for so long. But since their dreams never went beyond this stage, they stop keeping up with their steadiness and swiftness and become stagnant in this position, and within short periods of time their entire life’s work crumbles and is soon forgotten and replaced by someone better. Only very few in each generation dared go beyond this step into the fourth level of Nekiyut, cleanliness and innocence, but we will soon come and show you its roadmap as Hashem gives us the strength to reach higher. “May He find us worthy in our endeavors and grant us success in them. Amen.”
Yaakov is faced with this challenge as he is about to meet Eisav for the first time in twenty years. Rashi (32:8) notes that Yaakov prepared for three things: gifts, prayer, and war, gearing up with three essentials that will surely give him the strength to power through the inevitable upcoming battle. It isn’t to say that one of them would be enough; rather, all three are necessary for victory. Appeasement is a tactic that should be used in order to keep the peace as we face our enemy. It is with clear communication and direct connection that in most cases ends the anger and strife we face. Prayer means keeping the humility intact, knowing that no matter what happens we will accept the results and thank Hashem for the opportunities He sends, either good or seemingly otherwise. And finally war—to keep our enemies at bay when they are relentless. With this combination we are sure to be successful.
As Eisav approaches, the tension is felt in the air: “What will be next and will we live to tell the story?” But as Hashem created the world, the devil caves at the final front when we don’t show a sign of weakness or regression. Yaakov gives him all earthly possessions, which Eisav sees as a huge win, but truthfully Yaakov has a much greater goal to achieve, and it isn’t fleeting or transient. As we see in 33:14, Yaakov looks forward into the future and sees how his children will grow and become the greatest light in all worlds. He sees Mashiach on Eןsav’s mountain at the final war and the devil falling to his knees, taking one last ghastly look as he admits defeat.
This is the war we fight, and each level brings along its challenges. We must become masters of our goals and never lose sight so that we can graduate and step into cleanliness, continence, and purity and so on (See: Avoda Zara 20b) without fear of falling down, which comes along with the dread of starting all over again. Because the higher we rise the greater the risk, but the greater the risk the bigger the reward. We are aiming for a goal without a goal, a destination that is not a location, because the love that we seek isn’t dependent on “anything”—it is oneness with Hashem Himself!
Shabbat Shalom
David Lemmer
LemmerHypnotherpay.com