Hello lovely readers, it has been a minute, and wow have these months been hard. In August I’ve started nursing school (I want to wait to share my full experience) and my 1st semester ends next week. So yes I should be studying but there’s something that’s been on my mind.
Those who know me know I put my all into whatever I do. I never expect to get anything for free nor do I want them unless I’ve earned them. Now I am not trying to sound entitled or anything but to share that even with the hard work I still may not pass. The thought devastates me, school has been the thing keeping me somewhat sane during the pandemic. I don’t think there has been a moment where I’ve been doing school or recovering from my classes. For anyone that is a student online school is awful. I’ve had to change the way I study and the ways I would’ve studied and taken exams has changed.
I have vented and spoken to friends and my parents who tell me how proud they are of me. Yet it’s so hard to feel proud and so hard to not compare yourself to others. I’ve honestly been wondering what is Hashem trying to tell me. Is he punishing me, saving me, or something that will end up being amazing? I may have failed exams but so have many students. Yet those students are really successful and doing ok.
Failing and graduating on time makes no sense. We don’t learn the same way and if failing means understanding the content better then is there anything wrong with that? Don’t get me wrong laziness is never okay and one should always try hard. Someone should never push themselves to their limit. It’s much better to take a semester off than go down a different path than be successful in terms of grades or material wealth.
We all have our own paths and it certainly isn’t one size fits all. The world is changing and becoming accepting of mental health. No one is perfect and the sooner we accept that and our imperfect imperfections, the better the world will be. I hope you all have a wonderful Chanukah and a wonderful holiday season.