Were you and your spouse destined for each other?
Does it even matter?
Let’s try and answer these questions with another:
What makes a marriage work?
“Love”? Sorry, incorrect. “Respect”? Closer but still not there. “Good chemistry”? Maybe to get things rolling, but not to make it for the long haul.
The only answer that has proven true time and time again is: Commitment. Commitment to each other, and commitment to the marriage. This is no small task. To commit to another human being…for life? Forever? Are we even built for such things?
So, back to our original question. Were you and your spouse destined for each other? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!
The core belief that you have found not just a great guy, but your husband, not just someone you love, but your wife is fundamental to your commitment to one another.
If your guy is successful, sweet, kind, handsome, intelligent, funny, etc. that’s great, but good qualities do not make a marriage. I promise you, there is someone out there that has all your guy’s qualities, and more. Why settle? When the going gets tough, you may ask yourself that very question and then what? What reason do you have to stay married to this guy (who has been giving you a major headache) and not go search for another that has all his great qualities and more? AND he won’t make you crazy!
But if he is your husband, the only man you were ever supposed to marry, the other half of a soul that you share, there is work to be done. The question then becomes, not: “Who else is out there?” but “How do we create the relationship that we want and deserve?”
The metaphysics of how this “destiny” thing works is ultimately beyond us and irrelevant. If you believe in the enterprise of marriage, believe that the person you are marrying is not just a “great catch” but your husband. That faith will bolster you with the courage to push through hard times and the conviction that you will succeed. It will provide you with the energy you need to achieve the goal of marriage, to “become one flesh” and reunite two halves of one soul that have been longing for one another. Forever.
Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist, marriage counselor and parenting consultant in private practice. To learn more about his work, visit: www.elazarbloom.com