What Tisha Ba’Av Means to Me
As we observe Tisha Ba’Av, which is the Jewish holiday for the remembrance of the number of tragedies that have happened in Jewish history, I feel that must include the 6 million Jewish lives and moreover the 11 million innocent victims who were murdered in the Holocaust. If we consider the 6 million Jews who died in what I feel is the darkest period in history, there must be at least that many survivors of families / relatives that probably have some form of Holocaust survivor trauma. That also doesn’t account for the descendants of survivors, who may be inflicted with inherited trauma and what future generations may have to bear. The number easily reaches into the tens of millions who may in some way be impacted by generational trauma due to the Holocaust. That is without question an immeasurable tragedy and needs to be remembered especially on this day, as we remember the many tragedies of Jewish history.
I have written a memoir titled “In The Midst of Darkness” (A Schindler’s List Survivor’s Story Never Told) that tells what I know of my mother’s teenage life, who was a Schindler survivor, and confronts “Second Generation” holocaust survivor trauma. Her trauma was due to being a holocaust survivor and that my dad left her being pregnant with me for a German woman. I never knew until five years after she passed away that she was a Schindler Jew.
My mother had been defined by her past after what she lived through in the Holocaust, and her parents and six brothers and sisters, who were murdered in Auschwitz. Her undeserved lifetime of hatred for my stepmother and every other German that my brother and I inherited helped lead to his nervous breakdown – a fate that was nearly mine. He was institutionalized before even reaching 30. In a world that has never been more divided than since the Holocaust, isn’t a story of intergenerational trauma manifested in racism not been more important to tell since then, then now?
The tragedy of intergenerational trauma lies not only in what descendants and future generations may have to bear, but what feels intolerable is the inherited trauma of children and their children’s children of survivors has not been given a voice to any degree measurably even near that for survivors. I nearly break down, when I ask how can that be? The descendants of survivors not being given their right of passage, especially today, knowing the survivor population has abated over the past 20 years, and the tens of millions that may be inflicted with intergenerational trauma due to the holocaust. If they’re not able to tell the stories of their trauma to the penetration of public consciousness that’s been for done survivors, the silence may only continue to leave them with the inability to change the behavior. How can you change the behavior without enough awareness of the behavior?
What’s really been that hard to understand and honestly heartbreaking is Holocaust museums, and many synagogues have not very welcoming for a story that confronts intergenerational trauma of a Schindler survivor. Even news publications and other periodicals that I’ve submitted editorial-essays for wanting them to tell how much the descendants of survivor’s voices have been overlooked and need to be heard have not very responsive. Sometimes I’ve also heard the story isn’t just right for us. I guess my only question when I can’t understand their silence or what they’ve told me is how can we not give the voice to a world of Jews and non-Jews that may confront generational trauma due to the Holocaust. That can’t matter anymore, especially today. Otherwise, the costs may be unconscionable – just like what happened to my brother and others whose stories that I’ve heard.
Our close friend Liz was inflicted by generational trauma before she even reached her 10th birthday. That’s common for many descendants as their trauma may even begin in early childhood. Her father was in the Stuttof and Dachau concentration camps and she felt responsible for everything he went through – living with fear of everything in life, often convinced only the worst can happen. Her trauma led to addiction of psychiatric drugs by her late 40’s. Her tragic death was only a few months before she turned 59. She went to bed one night, but didn’t wake up the next morning. Her death was found to be that she overdosed on anxiety medication.
All I want to say is as I tell my story on Tisha Ba’Av and what it means to me is we have to find the means for the voice being heard of too many millions of descendants of holocaust survivors that may be inflicted with intergenerational trauma and to what magnitude. How can we have every bit of compassion for the stories they need to tell?